Alcohol Focus Scotland.

They've changed their poll now to:

"Should alcoholic drinks show the calorie content on their packaging?"

But the dozy twats have left the original answer from the last poll.



It's here.

This is Islam?

If they truly believe this, then I can see why the Authorities are so worried about Paedophilia.



Quite disturbing, but it's what you can expect from extremist religious fuckwits. kiddy fiddling disguised within a religion.

And no, this is not a hate crime, this is to be found in that fairy tale book called the Koran.

So just Fuck off.

AA Gill to shoot Gordon?

A very good article written by Matthew Norman in the Independant today.

If somebody were to hand the noted primate hunter AA Gill a high-velocity rifle, and say to him "Adrian, you see that slightly simian figure over there, yes, the Prime Minister...", would anyone be horrified when the shot rang out and the creature slumped to the ground?

It's a good read

Don't eat Kerry McCarthy

If she censors my comment then she deserves the title

There must be an end to this Monopoly

Those bloody MPs haven't understood the public resentment of them.

MPs are plotting to vote down changes to parliamentary expenses amid growing fury at the proposals from Sir Christopher Kelly.

How many employees have the opportunity to tell their boss, that they are not going to take any notice, of their company's expenses policy?

MPs argue that their right to claim mortgage interest on their second homes is enshrined in legislation passed in 1985. They say that fresh legislation is needed to overturn the current rules, which which would have to be debated in the Commons and then voted on — presenting an opportunity to throw out Sir Christopher’s proposals.

I agree with the next paragraph , as it would only attract those who have no interest in getting onto the gravy train and might attract people of integrity. it worked in the past. I quote:

“We are in danger of creating a Parliament either of the very rich or those who think it’s a vocation."

Who do they think they are?

From the Times

Help save the UK from Tyranny

The Taxpayers Alliance are urging everyone to sign an urgent petition to President Klaus - please sign and send on.

This petition calls on President Vaclav Klaus of the Czech Republic to stand firm on the Lisbon Treaty:

You can sign it here

Rules for Americans

The English Pub

These are, of course, renowned the world over as places to get to know the local people. To ensure a pleasant evening's drinking, follow these tips:

Select your pub carefully. The best pubs are those in the inner cities, around some of the least salubrious housing. The people here cannot afford to go out, so pubs in these districts are full of upper-crust Englishmen who travel here in their Bentley cars to get away from the hustle and bustle of country pubs.

Mix with the locals. These "toffs" often put on a coarse accent after a glass or two of beer; do not be intimidated, they are resting their throats after talking "posh" all day. They will be glad to play Eton college word-games: "Get Up, That's My Seat", "You look a puff-to-me!" and "Is-she-for sale?" Call out one of these games to any large chap, and have fun.

Order your drinks carefully. Bartenders are notoriously dishonest (indeed, they are proud of this tradition, and enjoy having their "leg pulled"). If you order a spirit drink, they will pour a little into your glass; insist on it being topped up to the brim. When tasting your first sip of beer, exclaim that there must be water in it. They will admire you for your candour, and will offer to buy you a drink "on the house". Pubs that sell "real ale" are attempting to emulate Budweiser beer; let the landlord know where he is going wrong. He will be very grateful for advice from an American.

"Darts" is a common pub game. Your opponent will throw darts at the circular board - your object is to pull them out faster than he can throw them. If you see a game in progress, reserve your place by rubbing out all the numbers on the blackboard.

It is common to find pool tables in pubs. Beware, they are not playing to American rules! To join a game of pool already in progress, simply pick up one of the cues provided, walk to the table, and quickly cue the black ball into the nearest pocket. You are now in the game. The object is to pot all your balls as quickly as possible without disturbing the white. Don't be disheartened if you miss a shot; quickly move on to the next. You score extra points for "blocking" your opponent's attempts to shoot, using your hands.

Remember that free snacks, such as crisps and peanuts, are kept behind the bar to retain freshness. For goodness' sake, don't let them "rip you off" by demanding money!

At about 11 o'clock, it is traditional for the barpeople to call the game of "time", leave their posts and wander around the pub, shouting at people. Do not be alarmed - they may sound like they want you to leave, but in fact the reverse is the case. English pubs close after dawn, and the staff are shouting to stimulate drinkers to continue spending their money. The object of this game is to remain where you are! To ensure you don't get thirsty during this period, buy a few rounds just before 11 o'clock (it's a slow time for the staff, so use this opportunity to chat). Drink slowly. You'll have ample opportunity to catch up when the barman returns to his post.

When you do leave the pub, you are likely to find a small crowd of happy revellers outside, singing traditional songs as they await their chauffeurs. This is known as "chucking-out time" The ladies in these crowds are sad and lonely; why not ask the male chaperones if their lady friends would like to come back to your hotel? Offer to make them very happy. The men will probably ask you to discuss the pedigree of their charges in the privacy of the pub car park.


I'm looking forward to this at a local near me

A Pittance of time

On November 11, 1999 Terry Kelly was in a drug store in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia. At 10:55 AM an announcement came over the store’s PA asking customers who would still be on the premises at 11:00 AM to give two minutes of silence in respect to the veterans who have sacrificed so much for us.

Terry was impressed with the store’s leadership role in adopting the Legion’s “two minutes of silence” initiative. He felt that the store’s contribution of educating the public to the importance of remembering was commendable.

When eleven o’clock arrived on that day, an announcement was again made asking for the “two minutes of silence” to commence. All customers, with the exception of a man who was accompanied by his young child, showed their respect.

Thanks to Terry Kelly

Modern Britain

Depressing but true.



H/T to Calling England

Question Time?

Couldn't resist it



H/T to the angry exile

Pat Condell is upset again

Now he's telling the Americans to wake up.



H/T to OH

That Treaty

If you are as pissed off as I am about not being able to vote on the Lisbon treaty, read this.

If you have a mind to, vote here and here.

H/T to Prodicus

It takes the biscuit

Ha Ha,

Hundreds of council workers were duped into taking part in a fake nationwide Health and Safety survey about accidents caused by biscuits

.

It gets better

Four councils were so taken in by the official-looking 'British Biscuit Advisory Board' survey they reported having specific policy rules on safe biscuit consumption.

and better

A total of 813 over-cautious council employees clicked through to the online survey and 437 worried workers actually took the time to complete it.

Then again maybe not

The Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents revealed the most recent figures show that 400 people a year in Britain had to be treated in Accident and Emergency departments for biscuit-related accidents.

These included 'somebody falling over while reaching for a biscuit', someone slipping on a chocolate biscuit on their stairs and various people choking on biscuits.

One woman had to be treated after she used a knife to try to remove a Smartie from a gingerbread biscuit and stabbed herself in the hand.

I really must stop laughing. Read the full story here.

A graphical Bible?

A sexually explicit illustrated Book of Genesis by controversial artist Robert Crumb, which features Bible characters having intercourse, has been condemned by religious groups.

In todays Telegraph

Don't try this with the Koran, Robert.

Orwell would be proud.

I don't want to sound alarmist, but having watched the vid below, it would seem that we haven't sleepwalked into a surveillance state. We've run into it.

Reading the local Police propaganda leaflet that was shoved through the door this morning, I see that they are arming local members of the public with video cameras to monitor the traffic, in the interests of safety. Bloody Bollocks to them.

Bigbrotherstate
by HuesForAlice

The naked truth

Something perplexing is about to happen at our airports. At Manchester Airport they're trying out a machine that allows the operator to examine the naked images of passengers. Some people think it's disgusting, others are embarrassed. Some are happy that it's there to protect them, but some people will believe anything. No doubt there were a few Jews who thought that arbeit really would make them frei.

Many people will no doubt be pleased that there is an option of being "patted down" for bombs and weapons in the old-fashioned way, but of course we all know that if the trial is considered a success that option will soon disappear. Actually, it'll probably disappear even if the trial is not a success, because it'll save money. One operator sitting on front of a screen costs less than two or three outside interacting with the public. From there it's just a short step to the idea that as terrorists have been known to blow up buses and trains, they should have these machines at stations and bus-stops too. In fact, why not install them all over the place, hidden in walls and doorways in shops and offices and the street? After all, it's to protect us, isn't it, so how can we object?

Mind you, I don't envy that operator at Manchester Airport, slumped over a screen all day looking at grainy images of fat men's hairy bollocks and saggy old tits. But - and here's the perplexing part - what no one's mentioned so far is that his day will be enlivened from time to time by images you don't see very often.

Muslim ladies in burkhas, for instance, will suddenly be revealed in all their ... whatever it is they keep under their robes. What would the Prophet say about that?

And then there are the children. Anyone else looking at images of naked children is a disgusting pervert, fit only for a single cell on the special wing with all the other nonces. But this is different, presumably.

There seems to be some sort of arcane pecking order at work here. Anti-terrorism trumps cultural sensitivity and paedophilia, is that it?

If you're a smoker be very afraid.

It would seem that Justice is a word for the rich and unprincipled. This story about a lorry driver being convicted on the word of an EHO Fascist, and a judiciary that have lost their fucking minds. (Sorry about the swearing)

Read this awful tale over at Freedom 2 Choose

I'm going to lie down with a cigarette.

A lucky escape

An amazing lucky escape of a Toddler in a buggy. The Mother let go of the buggy on a station platform in Melbourne. You can guess the rest, but have a look at the footage.

Choo Choo

Carter Ruck's letter to the Speaker of the House

Here is a letter from Carter Ruck to the Speaker of the house of commons

Tranfigura doc

Read it and make your mind up.

Personally I think they were caught out.

Rules for Americans

The English Pub

These are, of course, renowned the world over as places to get to know the local people. To ensure a pleasant evening's drinking, follow these tips:

Select your pub carefully. The best pubs are those in the inner cities, around some of the least salubrious housing. The people here cannot afford to go out, so pubs in these districts are full of upper-crust Englishmen who travel here in their Bentley cars to get away from the hustle and bustle of country pubs.

Mix with the locals. These "toffs" often put on a coarse accent after a glass or two of beer; do not be intimidated, they are resting their throats after talking "posh" all day. They will be glad to play Eton college word-games: "Get Up, That's My Seat", "You look a puff-to-me!" and "Is-she-for sale?" Call out one of these games to any large chap, and have fun.

Order your drinks carefully. Bartenders are notoriously dishonest (indeed, they are proud of this tradition, and enjoy having their "leg pulled"). If you order a spirit drink, they will pour a little into your glass; insist on it being topped up to the brim. When tasting your first sip of beer, exclaim that there must be water in it. They will admire you for your candour, and will offer to buy you a drink "on the house". Pubs that sell "real ale" are attempting to emulate Budweiser beer; let the landlord know where he is going wrong. He will be very grateful for advice from an American.

"Darts" is a common pub game. Your opponent will throw darts at the circular board - your object is to pull them out faster than he can throw them. If you see a game in progress, reserve your place by rubbing out all the numbers on the blackboard.

It is common to find pool tables in pubs. Beware, they are not playing to American rules! To join a game of pool already in progress, simply pick up one of the cues provided, walk to the table, and quickly cue the black ball into the nearest pocket. You are now in the game. The object is to pot all your balls as quickly as possible without disturbing the white. Don't be disheartened if you miss a shot; quickly move on to the next. You score extra points for "blocking" your opponent's attempts to shoot, using your hands.

Remember that free snacks, such as crisps and peanuts, are kept behind the bar to retain freshness. For goodness' sake, don't let them "rip you off" by demanding money!

At about 11 o'clock, it is traditional for the barpeople to call the game of "time", leave their posts and wander around the pub, shouting at people. Do not be alarmed - they may sound like they want you to leave, but in fact the reverse is the case. English pubs close after dawn, and the staff are shouting to stimulate drinkers to continue spending their money. The object of this game is to remain where you are! To ensure you don't get thirsty during this period, buy a few rounds just before 11 o'clock (it's a slow time for the staff, so use this opportunity to chat). Drink slowly. You'll have ample opportunity to catch up when the barman returns to his post.

When you do leave the pub, you are likely to find a small crowd of happy revellers outside, singing traditional songs as they await their chauffeurs. This is known as "chucking-out time" The ladies in these crowds are sad and lonely; why not ask the male chaperones if their lady friends would like to come back to your hotel? Offer to make them very happy. The men will probably ask you to discuss the pedigree of their charges in the privacy of the pub car park.

I'm looking forward to this at a local near me

Another cat on a puter

I've broken my radio (Almost)

I threw my radio across the bedroom after listening to the Today programme this morning.

The wingeing about how MPs' were being badly treated made my blood boil. Then came Harriet Harperson. Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh.

Not for those with high blood pressure. Listen here.

They still don't get it

Various MP's are furious and are saying that they won't pay back the money that they claimed in error.(Must be careful, Carter Ruck maybe lurking)

There are growing signs of a rebellion among MPs in Westminster this afternoon, as politicians from all three main parties ignore their leaders and publicly question the accuracy, validity and authority of Sir Thomas Legg’s expenses letters.

Will they not see that the public do not see it that way. The public see them as troughers of the worst order.

it's all in this article in the Times on Line

Carter Ruck

Free the Guardian one

The Guardian says this morning that it has been “has been prevented from reporting parliamentary proceedings on legal grounds which appear to call into question privileges guaranteeing free speech established under the 1688 Bill of Rights.” Guido points to this question on the Commons order paper and wonders if it is source to the trouble.

Maybe this:

(update Oct 12, GMT) Following press reportage about dumping off the coast of Africa, Waterson & Hicks, a UK law firm acting for Trafigura, a large London based oil and commodity trader, ordered and received this confidential report (the so-called "Minton report") into toxic dumping practices by its client along and on the Ivory Coast. The report reveals a number of toxic dumping incidents and appears to be the report behind the extraordinary secret October 11, 2009 gagging of the Guardian newspaper. WikiLeaks believes the Guardian was gagged to prevent it reporting the following Parliamentry question:

Paul Farrelly (Newcastle-under-Lyme) - To ask the Secretary of State for Justice, what assessment he has made of the effectiveness of legislation to protect (a) whistleblowers and (b) press freedom following the injunctions obtained in the High Court by (i) Barclays and Freshfields solicitors on 19 March 2009 on the publication of internal Barclays reports documenting alleged tax avoidance schemes and (ii) Trafigura and Carter-Ruck solicitors on 11 September 2009 on the publication of the Minton report on the alleged dumping of toxic waste in the Ivory Coast, commissioned by Trafigura.[1]

See also Barclays Bank gags Guardian over leaked memos detailing offshore tax scam, 16 Mar 2009.

Update: Carter Ruck have given in. They're living in the past. Best that they learn about bloggers and tweeters.

Climate change. The real bed time story

H/T to the Daily Referendum

Men are simple

Where's Harriet when I need her?

Common purpose

I don't know much about this shadowy organisation, but I'm intrigued by the way it seems to crop up on a regular basis.
It seems to pervade all walks of life including Business, Politicians, ACPO, and many more areas of control. here is a short video as a taster.



There are two excellent videos by an ex Lt Commander in the Royal Navy that I will dig out if I can find them.

Feel free to be sceptical. Foil hats are available from:

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOojnsVcu7tBQ4IchJPz4mC1MJilRUbG779QRkLDNjr-7d09pYma8g2_qZQXTx7UKbuac2N9e0NYrxMO39Lg5tyT24mZjYz_lAK2-7Ywud6YCsOwEeXxKN9rwWREw685g41iZZit_fgAu7/s400/tinfoil.jpg

Update: I see they've found me. Common Purpose (217.150.113.250)

What we should do to Jacqui.

WARNING: STRONG LANGUAGE

H/T to the Daily Motion

Kick jacqui smith in the cunt

video_player_embed_code_text

We need a new TV channel

"Former Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has been told to apologise in the House of Commons for breaching expenses rules."

I don't think it's enough to just apologise to the house of commons. I think they all need to apologise to the entire country on national TV. Maybe an award for the best grovelling exscuse.

Come on Murdoch. Give us a channel. (You'd never get the BBC to do it).

I suggest that it is called "Trough Factor", or "Strictly Apologising".

Make it a pay to view channel. They pay, for us to view. (And NO, Jacqi, you can't claim it on expenses)

Dirty Buggers

I keep reading in the MPs' expenses scandal that several of them have claimed for "cleaning costs".

Are they that lazy, or incapable, of using a vacuum cleaner?

Mrs FE is good enough to master these techniques. (FE sometimes gives it a go as well).

Another exit strategy?

I wrote in this post that I thought that Gordon Brown was trying to find an exit strategy to allow him to leave office, with the pity of the people.

Now it is reported that he has been diagnosed with lesions in his one good eye. That might be the reason his wife was steering him away from the potted plants during the labour party conference.

Do we really want a blind, pill popping chump for our first minister? How's he going to find his Nokia, to throw when he needs to?

Maybe I should take my tin foil hat off, or maybe not?

Just for fun

I think this man is evil

This article from comment is free, beggars belief.

This man Duncan Bannatyne believes that the smoking ban hasn't gone far enough, but should be extended.

In my view smokers who currently stand outside a pub or restaurant having a fag should have to stand at least several yards away from the front door, to save the 79% of us who don't smoke from breathing in their smoke when we go in or out. We should curtail the rights of the 21% and increase their responsibilities towards the 79%. In other words, we should stop them killing us and our children.

Notice that he is invoking, "think of the poor cheeldren", in this heap of horse shit.

Studies estimate that about 11,000 people a year die because of passive smoking.

Where did he get those figures from? Grimms fairy tales?

It should also be illegal to smoke at home in front of children.

Children again.

Hanging is too good for this cunt.

Update: I've still got some piano wire left.
Go over to Mummy's place if you really want to hear a good rant on this.

I take carbon reduction seriously

I've entered my activities on the ACT ON CO2 website where they have a Co2 calculator.

here are my results:

Congratulations. You've successfully completed the Act on CO2 calculator. The tables below represent your CO2 emissions from all three areas of your life.

Your CO2 result is tonnes per year.

The breakdown of your carbon footprint is shown in the table below. For example in your 'Home' section, we break down your footprint so you can see how much of your footprint is due to heating and how much is due to lighting. In the 'Appliance' section we break it down into appliances in various rooms of the house, so you can see how much is used in the kitchen, study and so on. In the 'Travel' section you can see how much carbon your vehicle is producing and how much comes from the flights you take. If any area is particularly high, you can concentrate on lowering the carbon footprint of that area first.

All figures are in tonnes per year.

Breakdown of sections	CO2 Footprint
Total Footprint for Home	32.06
Hot water	4.06
Heating	27.49
Lighting	0.51
Total Footprint for Appliances	10.53
Kitchen	3.7
Entertainment	3.17
Study	3.11
Other	0.55
Total Footprint for Travel	396.65
Vehicle	227.25
Public Transport	0
Flights	169.4
Total Carbon Footprint	439.24

Your target footprint total is 351.38 tonnes per year.

Everybody likes to have a target to reach their goals. In the table below we have given you an aspirational 20% reduction target to reach. This is spread evenly through your three areas of Home; Appliances and Transport, however, for example, if you can see that your transport CO2 emissions are high, and in particular your flights, you can concentrate on reducing that area.

The national average total is 4.46 tonnes per year.

We also show you how you compare to the National Average CO2 emissions for anIndividual or Household (depending on which option you chose at the beginning of the calculator). You can find out how we calculate this in our CO2 Calculations FAQs section.

CO2 emissions from all three areas of your lifestyle

	Home	Appliances	Travel	Total
Your Carbon Footprint	32.06	10.53	396.65	439.24
Target Footprint	25.64	8.42	317.32	351.38
National Average	1.99	0.71	1.76	4.46
People like you who have: Terraced house Semi-detached house Detached house Flat/maisonette Bungalow 0/1 bedroom 2 bedrooms 3 bedrooms 4 bedrooms 5+ bedrooms Built before 1930 Built 1930 - 1995 Built after 1995 Gas Electricity Oil LPG Coal Biomass 1 person 2 people 3 people 4 people 5+ people Rural Urban	6.36	2.46	9.66	18.48

Visualising your Carbon Footprint

it's the amount of CO2...

• you need to fill 25218398 party balloons
• produced by driving from London to Manchester and back 3338 times in the average car
• produced from leaving a 60 watt light bulb on 1487 years
• produced from boiling water for 15811242 cups of tea

It was the 9 Hummers, and the perpetual globe trotting, first class, for my family of ten, that upped it a trifle.

*Snigger*

Go on,have some fun

Communication has been lost

Well, it is Friday.

Support needed

If you nip over to Dave's part you see that he is being sued for libel by Tory activist Johanna Kaschke, who seems to me to be somewhat dubious in her choice of political parties.

It is further uncontested that Ms Kaschke nominated herself as Labour candidate for Bethnal Green & Bow in 2007; that she received just one vote; that shortly thereafter she defected to George Galloway's Respect party; shortly after that, she joined an as-yet-unspecified Communist Party; and that shortly after that, she became a Conservative. She was, in other words, a member of four political parties in 12 months.



The new world order

Johanna Kaschke|MySpace Videos

Do nip over and wish him luck. After all it may be you who she goes after next.

The woman with no honour

Today we read that Sharon Shoesmith pleaded with the head of Ofsted to give her some positive spin.

The woman whose staff failed Baby P was so intent on clinging to her £133,000-a-year job that she asked the watchdog to praise her failing department.

Why have we lost decency in public life? Instead of clinging on, she should have followed the honest course and resigned. Since this new labour age begun, honesty in public life and services, has disappeared.

Some have said that Sharon shoesmith couldn't possibly know all the case files. Bollocks, she should at least have been getting a summary. this wasn't two isolated cases.

Previously unpublished details of Ofsted's findings were put before the High Court yesterday as Mrs Shoesmith continued her attempt to overturn her sacking and win a compensation payout.

The report painted a devastating picture of the scale of the failure within children's services at Haringey, North London.

Inspectors cited 'glaringly serious' problems at the Labour-run council which had already failed to save eight-year-old torture victim Victoria Climbie.

They concluded up to 15 other vulnerable children could have been left at risk during Mrs Shoesmith's tenure.

I rest my case M'lud

The full article is here

This is good news

Champagne could fall to £10 a bottle due to the reccession.

Experts predict the cost of some vintage champagnes could fall as low as £10 in time for Christmas.

But champagne lovers should cash in while they can. French authorities have ruled that next year's harvest will be almost halved, leading to fewer bottles produced to push up prices.

At least the cost of the next Conservative conference will be kept down.

NASA's mission to find water

This could be cool.

Supposedly we should be able to watch NASA's mission to crash a satellite into the permanently dark side of the moon to ascertain whether there maybe frozen water there.

Coverage starts at 11.15pm BST. The impact is scheduled for 12.31.

The link to NASA TV

Your worst nightmare. Courtesy of Royal Mail.

'Wonderful news, darling, Mother's arrived early for Christmas to avoid having to post her presents'

From the Daily Mail.

And now for......

In light of todays article about why the police are tied up with HSE regulations, comes a good comedy debunking of HSE, PC, Offense, & antismoking. And pottery?

H/T to Harry Hook at the Final redoubt

The real Boris interview?

Shamelessly knicked from Subrosa

He's just noticed

A leading Barrister has only just realised what the rest of us have known for some time.

The 'Big Brother' culture is on the march across Britain, allowing the state to snoop on phone calls, emails and even walking the dog, the country's top barrister, Desmond Browne QC, has warned.

Well blow me down with a wet feather.

In a powerful attack on the "surveillance society", Mr Browne, the chairman of the Bar Council, also questioned the effectiveness of CCTV cameras in tackling anti-social behaviour.

Here are results that purport to show how useless these monstrous machines are in protecting us.

In August an internal report from the Metropolitan Police, Britain's biggest force, found that fewer than one crime is solved for every 1,000 CCTV cameras, raising question-marks about the effectiveness of the cameras.

Now it doesn't take a genius, (I've got an abacus), to work out that, the(nearly) one crime solved, was a cost to the taxpayer for the 1000 cameras that just about detected it , £20,000,000.
Hardly value for money.

One wonders if we could uproot the lot of them, and sell them at cut price to China. Then maybe we could have some real policing back on our streets?

The full article is over here in the Daily Telegraph

Cats

Al Jahom posted about taking his cat to the Vet. This is dangerous as well:

Cat Bathing as a Martial Art

Some people have the misconception that cats never have to be bathed. They say cats lick themselves clean. They say cats have a special enzyme of some sort in their saliva that works like new, improved Wisk - dislodging the dirt where it hides and whisking it away.

I've spent most of my life believing this folklore. Like most blind believers, I've been able to discount all the facts to the contrary, the kitty odors that lurk in the corners of the garage and dirt smudges that cling to the throw rug by the fireplace.

The time comes, however, when a man must face reality: when he must look squarely in the face of massive public sentiment to the contrary and announce: "This cat smells like a port-a-potty on a hot day in Spain."

When that day arrives at your house, as it has in mine, I have some advice you might consider as you place your feline friend under your arm and head for the bathtub:

• Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)

• Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a cricket face mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.

• Prepare everything in advance. There is no time to go out for a towel when you have a cat digging a hole in your flak jacket. Draw the water. Make sure the bottle of kitty shampoo is inside the glass enclosure. Make sure the towel can be reached, even if you are lying on your back in the water.

• Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion as a rule. If he does notice your garb, calmly explain that you are taking part in a product testing experiment for J.C. Penney.)

• Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo. You have begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life.

• Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy. He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record for cats is three latherings, so don't expect too much.)

• Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just getting really determined. In fact, the drying is simple compared to what you have just been through. That's because by now the cat is semipermanently affixed to your right leg. You simply pop the drain plug with you foot, reach for your towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat.

In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine.

You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath.

But at least now he smells a lot better.

I want one of these

De Walt nail gun, for those that are behind in their fence repairs, like me.

Alcohol concern. Mine.

I read today that the conservatives are also going down the populist line of minimum pricing for alcohol.

Mr Grayling told delegates that many city centres had become "battle zones" for police due to drink-fuelled violence and anti-social behaviour.

Comes down to making the "Many" suffer for the follies of the "few".

Plans announced included:

• Raising the price of a four-pack of super strength lager by £1.33 and more than double the tax on super strength cider
• Increasing the price of large bottles of "alco-pops" by £1.50
• Banning supermarkets from selling alcohol at below cost price
• Introducing bigger fines for those caught selling to children. Repeat offenders could have their premises closed for several days.
• Making "late night, problem premises" pay more for their alcohol licences to help cover the cost of policing.

If I was going to vote for them, then I'm not now. I've had enough of this nannying by the state.

Sir John Stanley: You've lost my vote.

Read the whole bloody article here.

Dodge of the day at Conservative party conference

I had to giggle when I read this in the Times

Dodge of the day

Ken Livingstone was spotted by one conference witness being kicked off the train to Manchester. Apparently he was trying to blag his way on to an earlier train than his ticket permitted.

No shame at all. Well done to that guard.

They're taking the piss

An airline is asking passengers to empty their bladders before boarding.

A Japanese airline has started asking passengers to go to the toilet before boarding in a bid to reduce carbon emissions.

I despair

Ps I must be pissed as well, I've just tried to light a cigarette with a memory stick. If anyone sees me trying to fit a disposable lighter in to a USB port, please stop me.

Boris wins

Watched Jeremy Paxman's interview with Boris Johnson. Absolutely hilarious.

BBC iplayer

16mins 23 secs in.

Healthy eating.

The Super Scooby, Britain's largest burger with 2,645 calories. It is sold by the Jolly Fryer takeaway in Bristol and they are offering a free can of Diet Coke to anyone who can finish it in one go.

I don't know whether the health faschists have seen this. I'm not going to snitch.
The down side, is that I might end up with every Nut job arriving here.
Kerry McCarthy take note.

H/T to the Telegraph

Not evil, just wrong.

There are two two things in my life that I dearly want to see in the near future. (Many more hidden away in the dark closet of my mind. They'll have to wait for another day.)

Firstly, I want to see the Labour party consigned to the 9th circle of hell. That's it featured above. Hopefully, dismal enough for them.

Secondly I want to see those proponents who want to drive us back into the dark ages, with the ridiculous idea that we are the cause of climate change, hounded out of public life. In this reccession the last thing we need is money spent on an unproven theory, that will drive the developed nations into a spiralling circle of more debt. The more I hear "The science is settled", "There is a consensus", & the phrase, "Climate change denier", the higher my blood pressure gets.

Rant over for now. A vid that I've posted before.



H/T to Sue