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Wednesday 29 February 2012

It’s going to be cold again

From the Metro

Snow on its way to Britain again as temperatures set to plunge to -5C

Forecasters have predicted a ten-day cold snap will grip Britain from Sunday with temperatures dropping to -5C and the chance of more snow.


The Weather Channel said a ‘giant temperature swing’ would arrive at the weekend, bringing snow in the Pennines and blizzards in Scotland.

Monday could see snow in Yorkshire and Lancashire and there would be a risk of widespread snow across eastern England from Tuesday.

Of course I couldn’t help  commenting.

Apparently it’s……………

Blogger Appreciation Day!

It figures that a holiday for Bloggers would fall on a date which only exists every four years, Conservative Bloggers are the Chopped Liver of the Right after all. According to Moe Lane and Granite Grok, Blogger’s Appreciation Day is about recognizing your favorite bloggers and can be celebrated by telling them that you appreciate their hard work, and also by hitting their tip jars. Legend has it that Hitting a Blogger’s Tip Jar on Blogger Appreciation Day not only brightens that Blogger’s day and helps them to keep doing what they do, but it also brings good fortune to the Tip Jar Hitter. Of course it is always good karma to Hit  a Blogger’s Tip Jar, but today is an extra special day for that sort of thing, a day so special that there will not be another day like it for four more years.

Well I never.knew that. Mind you I haven’t got a tip jar, as this is a public service web site, serving the people selflessly.

Tuesday 28 February 2012

I musthaveoneofthese.

Another useful invention brought to you by Filthyengineer marketing Ltd.

Anti Bird Crap optional extra.
Only £29.99. P&P £249,999.

Sunday 26 February 2012

Ladybird - The Police

 This is what they are supposed to do.



Sorry about the quality

Saturday 25 February 2012


Reminds me of when I was young.

get off that tractor

*No snarky comments from the back please.

Saturday stupidity


Wife:         'What are you doing?'

Husband:     Nothing.

Wife:         'Nothing . . . ?  You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'

Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'


Wife :       'Do you want dinner?' 

Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'

Wife:       'Yes or no.' 

Stress Reliever

Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.' 

Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.' 

Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
Son:      'Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.' 

Mom:   'Well, you have done the right thing.' 

Son:      'But Mom, I was sitting on Daddy's lap.' 


A newly married man asked his wife : 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?' 

'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly : 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!' 


A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humour!'


Husbands are husbands

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. 'What was that for?' the man asked. The wife replied,'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'. The man then said 'When I was at the races last week,Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.' The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. Wife replied.. 'Your horse phoned'

Friday 24 February 2012


I don’t know if you’ve been aware of the Fakegate scandal where a member of the fanatical cadre of AGW, fraudulently obtained documents belonging to the Heartland Institute and proceeded to attempt to smear the institute by linking the documents to a blatantly fake policy document. The perpetrator was a certain professor Gleick who has now confessed in public to his stupidity.

However certain sites that he distributed this information to, are hailing him as a hero. They’ll stop at no ends to smear the HI.

Take this piece of crap from Desmogblog. 

If you really want to feel really dirty, go and read their manifesto. It is the real antithesis of what science is all about.

Pie in the sea

tide turbine

The government will today be called on to increase its support for wave and tidal power in a new report from MPs warning the UK is at risk of repeating mistakes which allowed the country to lose its early lead in the developing wind power industry.

MPs on the Commons' Energy and Climate Change Committee (ECC) on Monday released a report on the future of marine renewables, which will claim the UK could become a leading exporter of wave and tidal power equipment and expertise if the government adopts a more visionary approach to developing marine energy.

Oh that’ll work well then. As my one reader will recall, (Hi Mrs FE) the author of this poorly written blog was a marine engineer for some 43 years. I know from bitter experience how corrosive sea water is. Many a time I’ve been called to fix a salt water leak from a corroded  pipe. Especially when you are at the North of Norway in the middle of winter and it’s at two in the morning.

I envisage that these turbines will be vastly more costly than above water wind turbines.

1)  Wind turbines only have to be weather-proof. Submersed turbines have to be waterproof to the depth they are subjected to. What are the materials to be used in the manufacture? What paint coating will they use to protect against marine growth? After all they would be foolish to use a cheap coating. It’s somewhat difficult to re-paint underwater.

2) You have to place and secure them underwater. Somewhat expensive in my mind. You’ll need divers and submersibles for that.

3) Ditto connection of cables.

4) Maintenance. This always seems to be left out of the equation when these schemes are floated in front of our lords and masters. How do you change a gearbox bearing underwater? In fact how due you change the oil in the gearbox?

5) has anyone assessed a failure rate and what to do when one or more fail? Considering that seaborne wind turbines appear to have an effective life of eight years rather than the twenty touted by the industry.

6) The one in the picture above is designed to swivel. How long before the swivel bearing seizes due to salt water seepage.

Anything I’ve forgotten? 

You get my point I hope.

The reason why I wrote this post is the “My dick is bigger than your dick” mentality by our politicians when it concerns being “Green”.

But the report warns that an overly cautious approach to deployment may allow other less risk-averse countries to steal the UK's lead.


The ECC report will issue a series of recommendations designed to ensure the UK retains its leading position, including clarifying how much revenue support marine power can expect to receive beyond 2017 as soon as possible.

and more

"Britannia really could rule the waves when it comes to marine renewable energy," said committee chairman Tim Yeo. "We are extremely well placed to lead the world in wave and tidal technologies, which could potentially bring significant benefits in manufacturing and jobs, as well an abundant supply of reliable low-carbon electricity."

The question I’d like to put to Tim Yeo (I refuse to call him honourable. MPs’ lost that honorific due to the expenses scandal), why do you want to destroy the UK’s competiveness by hiking up energy prices to obscene levels?

Dear reader (Bugger, Mrs FE has gone to bed), what would you prefer? A cheap energy source supplying your needs, or one that threatens you to a life of fuel poverty and rolling blackouts. I know which one I prefer.




Take the bus

Travel information brought to you by Filthy Engineer TM productions.


And finally.

Thursday 23 February 2012

Bloody binge drinkers


Apparently no walk of life is safe from them. Is this man a binge drinker? If it is proved that he is (And I’m not saying for one moment he is), what should our Dear Leader do?

A Labour MP has been suspended from the party after he was arrested following an alleged brawl in a House of Commons bar last night.

Eric Joyce is said to have punched several Tory MPs in the fracas just before 11pm last night. It is reported he also hit a Labour MP.

Stuart Andrew, MP for Pudsey, was reportedly headbutted and punched in the Strangers Bar, a Commons bar reserved for MPs and their guests.

An eyewitness told the Politics Home website that Mr Joyce, a former Army officer who represents Falkirk, pushed a Tory MP and then started punching other Conservative members seated at the back of the bar. Drinks were also allegedly thrown over some bar patrons.

So Mr Cameron. What can you do about it, seeing that you’ve been spouting drivel over the last few days about curbing the habits of the minority in our society?

I have a suggestion for you. Immediately enforce a minimum price for drinks in the House of Commons bar with immediate effect.

Lets just start at £10 per pint, and raise it if this behaviour carries on. Or even better close the bars completely. How many businesses have bars in them anyway? (Unless you’re running a pub of course).

Come on Dave. You know it makes sense. 


For some of us, I believe this application could prove difficult and costly to install, but the application appears to run smoothly for this guy. This is the best thing ever! And it can theoretically be adapted for other applications besides a garage door.

Can’t see mine working so well.

Wednesday 22 February 2012



This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral...
A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate
funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life...

A huge heart... covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the
service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the
eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then
closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter. When all
eyes stared at him, he said, 'I'm so sorry... I was just thinking of my
own funeral...I'm a gynaecologist!'

The priest fainted!......................

Tuesday 21 February 2012


 Fancy becoming an executive producer of a film? Have a watch of the movie first. If you like what you see. Then follow the link underneath.

What is fracking you ask? Well it's a way of extracting unconventional gas from shale rock formations deep underground. And we've got lots of it just waiting to be recovered.


Monday 20 February 2012

Liverpool Girls.


A Liverpool girl enters an adult shop and asks for a vibrator.

The man says: "Choose one from our range on the wall."

She says "I'll take that red one."
The man replies: "That's a fire extinguisher."
Q. What do you call a 27 year old Liverpool girl?
A. Granny.
Q. What do you call a Liverpool girl in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.
Q. What does a Liverpool girl use as protection during sex?
A. A bus shelter.
Q. There are two Liverpool girls in a car without any music - who is
A. The policeman..
Q. What's the most confusing day in Liverpool ?
A. Father's day.
Q. How do people know Jesus wasn't born in Liverpool ?
A. You try finding 3 wise men and a virgin there!

I’m back.


From a week of work. I’ve just spent a whole week painting rooms, putting up curtain tracks, screwing towel rail holders to walls, and sundry plumbing.

I’m exhausted.

Tuesday 14 February 2012

Confucious he not say.

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who runs in front of car gets tyred, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night..

It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Finally CONFUCIUS SAY. . .

"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"

Sunday 12 February 2012

Friday 10 February 2012

I’m not alone

In my belief, religion, reasoning that CO2 doesn’t cause any significant warming of the planet,this man is probably going to be hounded by the high priests of climate change for his heresy.


Professor Ian Clark just does not see any evidence of oil sands contributing to global warming. That’s quite a stand to take in the face of a global environmental community that considers the development of the Canadian heavy oil industry tantamount to hastening the end of the world.

But Prof. Clark can claim to know a bit more about the science behind climate change than the average person. As a professor in the Department of Earth Sciences at the University of Ottawa, he focuses on paleoclimatology — the study of changes in climate taken on the scale of the entire history of earth — and isotope hydrology, which determines the age of ice or snow, which can help indicate climate conditions in the past.

But what  sin has he has committed? His research indicates that the Earth warms before levels of CO2 rise.

However, the rise in CO2 lags the rise in temperature by about 800 years. This shows that CO2 does not play a role in the warming, and even a reinforcing role must be minor considering the lag. When the climate starts to cool, CO2 remains high, again for hundreds of years, and so plays no role in sustaining the warm climate, as the climate cools despite the high CO2.

He’ll burn in hell if the AGWers’ get their way.

Before I die


living will

Thursday 9 February 2012

Es ist kalt.

After the Fukishima disaster in Japan last march the Germans, in a fit of panic, decided to shut down their nuclear power plants. (I’m not sure why, as Tsunamis don’t usually occur in the North Sea or the Baltic).

It would seem that they were a tad premature in their course of action.

BERLIN: The cold snap gripping Europe has forced Germany, which last year decided to abandon nuclear power, to restart several reactors taken off line, the daily Handelsblatt reports in its Thursday issue.
The cold related surge in electricity demand prompted Germany's network operators to call upon nuclear power plants that had been taken off line but left in reserve as a "preventative measure", a spokeswoman for Tennet, one of the operators, told the newspaper.

You have to look for news items like this. You won’t find snippets like these in the UK media. Surprisingly this article came from The Times of India.

You what!


Hans, a middle-aged German tourist just over on his first visit to America, is in Orlando, Florida. He finds the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a fresh young lady to entertain him.

They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear. She gasps, looks at him in dismay, leaps off his lap and runs away!

Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the foreign gentleman.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear, and she too screams at him, "Good heavens way!" and strides off in disgust.

The madam is surprised that this ordinary looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with him. She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola has never said no to anything. So the madam sends her over to Hans. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit more and she too, then sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she glares at him and screams, "No way buster", slaps him and storms off.

The madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all her many years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done any bedroom work herself for a very long time, but she's sure she has said yes to everything a man could possibly ask for. Curiosity is now eating away at her and she just has to find out what this man wants that has made her girls say no and so angrily and besides she sees a chance to teach her employees a lesson or two.

So she goes over to Hans and apologises for the failure of the previous two girls to be able to accomodate him and tells him that she's the best in the house and is available. She sits down close to him. They chat, frolic, giggle, drink and then she sits in his lap, eager to find out what deviance has spooked her previous girls. She asks him what it is he wants to do.

Hans leans forward and whispers in her ear, "I want to pay in Euros".

Wednesday 8 February 2012

Green job anyone?

turbine on fire

Remember our politicians touting that bird mincers wind turbines would enable a plentiful supply of green jobs. Well if you’ve got one, expect to have to find a new one shortly, well away from anything green.

Vestas Wind Systems, the largest manufacturer of wind turbines is now feeling the crunch in the real world of economics.

Last month, the company announced it would lay off 2,335 people and it has already slashed its 2012 earnings forecasts twice.

Then again if you were stupid enough to believe in this scam. Tough. I certainly won’t weep for those who have jumped onto the green gravy train, only to find the wheels have finally fallen off. We all have choices. Some of us see, that If it looks to good to be true, then you can bet your arse that you’re going to lose out. FE’s simple law of life.

Mind Games

2% or 98%?
This is strange...can you figure it out?
Are you the 2% or 98% of the population?
Follow the instructions!


* Do the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow.
* There's no trick or surprise.
* Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can!
* Again, as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done each of them ... really. * Now, scroll down (but not too fast, you might miss something).

Think of a number from 1 to 10

Multiply that number by 9

If the number is a 2-digit number, add the digits together
Now subtract 5

Determine which letter in the alphabet corresponds to the number you ended up with
(example: 1=a, 2=b, 3=c,etc.)

Think of a country that starts with that letter

Remember the last letter of the name of that country

Think of the name of an animal that starts with that letter

Remember the last letter in the name of that animal

Think of the name of a fruit that starts with that letter







Are you thinking of a Kangaroo in Denmark eating an Orange?

I told you this was FREAKY!! If not, you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else. 98% of people will answer with kangaroos in Denmark when given this exercise.

Tuesday 7 February 2012

Silencing Science


An interesting article  of how the science about the non effects of passive smoking by Enstrom and Kabat (2003), were suppressed by the MSM. A couple of paragraphs reproduced below.

This paper examines the silencing of science, that is, efforts to prevent the making of specific scientific claims in any or all of the arenas in which these claims are typically reported or circulated. Those trying to mute the reporting or circulation of scientific claims are termed “partisans.” The paper examines silencing through a systematic examination of the “rapid responses” to a smoking study published in the British Medical Journal claiming that second-hand smoke is not as dangerous as conventionally believed. Media
coverage of the smoking study is also examined, as is the question of whether there is self-silencing by the media regarding doubts about the negative effects of passive smoke. The results suggest that the public consensus about the negative effects of passive smoke is so strong that it has become part of a regime of truth that cannot be intelligibly questioned.

And towards the end:

Finally, we perused articles on the scientific effects of smoking. Notably, more coverage was devoted to second-hand rather than first-hand smoke. In the latter case, an interesting check of the self-silencing hypothesis comes from examining media coverage of
the possible beneficial effects of smoking. Smoking may benefit people with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia; some forms of inflammatory bowel disease also seem to improve with smoking (e.g., Doll et al., 2000). Despite raging scientific controversies
over possible benefits, there were just a few newspaper stories on the issue. Significantly, the claims about positive effects of smoke were treated in an incredulous and mocking fashion.

All of the stories on second-hand smoke were examined, and the results revealed a strikingly one-sided discourse consistent with self-silencing by the media. Specifically, out of more than 500 articles examined, fewer than 10 afforded any sense of either scientific
uncertainty or of negative findings challenging the prevailing consensus. The huge remainder disregard the conventions of balancing and controversy (allowing at best a short paragraph to smoking defenders), and in place of these media staples presented a dutiful and credulous account of the dangers of passive smoke. Thus a recent British report presented at a conference of the Royal Society of Physicians in London on 17 May 2004 garnered the following headlines in the British media (New Scientist, 2004):

Passive smoking numbers shock
Passive smoking kills one bar worker a week
Passive smoking is workplace killer
Passive-smoking survey reveals startling death rate
Cost of Passive Smoking on Barmaids and Waiters
Dying for a passive cigarette
One person per week dies in British hospitality industry from . . .

There you have it. They lie by omission.

Now, whatever else could this study apply to? Hmmm?

Wind turbines and solar panels?


Red meat?

Trans fats? (Obesity)


And the latest. Sugar.

Moral of this article: Question everything you read or hear in the MSM.




Monday 6 February 2012

Help this woman

Listen to her tragic story.

Tragic innit.

Give generously. NOT

Saturday 4 February 2012

Snow and motoring

When are we going to teach people to drive in snow? I’ve just spent 3 hours on the slowly orbiting car park around London.(M25). Some of the driving defies belief. Being overtaken by idiots driving in blizzard conditions at a rate that is dangerous at the best of times is stupid. At the other end of the spectrum is the idiot who drives so slow compared with the average, that lorries appear to overtake nearing light speed.

One piece of interest was some sort of incident on the opposite carriage way. I’d love to know why there was a need for eight fire engines?

Huhne’s Downfall

I knew one would come along.

H/T to Katabasis

Friday 3 February 2012

Snow safety video. Public service message.

Expecting snow? Here is a public service broadcast on how to fit snow chains to your vehicle. Keep your eyes on the tyres, you at the back!

You weren't concentrating? Well don’t blame me when you end up in the ditch.


True stories:

1) Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house."
(The Daily Telegraph)

2) Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.
(The Guardian)

3) A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all too common".

4) At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.
( Aberdeen Evening Express)

5) Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out 'Heil Hitler.'"
( Bournemouth Evening Echo)

Thursday 2 February 2012

Wednesday 1 February 2012

Killing two birds with one log

In case you think I’ve got the quote wrong. Tough.

Hopefully I’m upsetting both of the groups below:

The first bird is the Green lobby that rant on about reducing our carbon footprint. (Should I eradicate myself, seeing that I’m a carbon based lifeform?)

Second is my energy supplier which has upped my energy charges by over 20%. (I’m waiting for their pleading letter asking me not to switch energy suppliers, which I’m in the process of doing).

What have I done to upset both groups?

I lit the open fire. (And not using that smokeless crap coal either).

All that carbon and CO2 disappearing up the chimney is visually attractive and a great comfort, in that I upset the greens in the first instance. The second is I diminish the profits of my energy supplier.

There’s nothing more satisfying than throwing another log on the pile and seeing that comforting swirl of sparks and the puff of smoke caused by it.



The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a Vacuum cleaner.

Talk about Dyson with death.

Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ."

"Really, ..." says Mick "Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.

So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.

When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it.

I thought to myself, they've lost the plot .....

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70! "Blow this," I thought,

"I can get one cheaper off the web."

I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.

I thought to myself, "That guy's heading for a breakdown."

On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking Doctor' - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our country?'