Winter fuel allowance.

Shortly I expect to receive my winter fuel allowance from the government.

You might ask why I should expect to receive this, bearing in mind that I receive a good company pension, substantial savings, no mortgage, and no debts?

Because I'm worth it.

It's about time that the state gave me something back for a change. After all, I never voted for extensive subsidies for wind turbines and solar panels that have seen my energy bills double in the last decade.

I have paid over and above of my fair share of tax. It's about time I should get some of my tax back.

After all I have helped nearly two generations of the feckless, live happily sucking on the taxpayer's teat.

Just saying.

Questions, questions

 

1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April The second child was named May.  What was the third child's name?

2. There is a man serving at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers....What does he weigh?

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered,...what was the highest mountain in the world?

4. How much dirt is there in a hole ...that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

5. What word in the English Language ...is always spelled incorrectly?

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. ....How is this possible?

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. ...Why not?

8. What was the President 's Name...in 1975?

9. If you were running a race, ...and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

10. Which is correct to say,... "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field,....how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?

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Here are the Answers

1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?
Answer:Johnny of course

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?
Answer: Meat.

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?
Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn't discovered yet. [You 're not very good at this are you?]

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?
Answer: There is no dirt in a hole.

5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?
Answer: Incorrectly

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?
Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?
Answer: You can't take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures.

8. What was the USA’s President's Name in 1975?
Answer: Same as is it now - Barack Obama [Oh, come on...]

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?
Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first.

10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?
Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh]

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?
Answer: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big one.

How did you do? Be honest.