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Wednesday 1 January 2014

My new year resolutions


1. Don’t give up smoking.

2. Keep drinking.

3. Eat more fatty foods.

4. Use more salt on my food.

5. Smack the children. ( Trouble is they’re now in their late twenties and early thirties, so they might smack me back).

6. Use more fossil fuel in my fireplace.

7. Remember to break the speed limits more often.

8. Shouting at the tele when vacuous politicians make grandstanding plays on subjects they know little about.

9. Laughing at those self same politicians when they have to make a u-turn within days.

10. Try to me more conscientious on this blog.

and finally

11. Remember to buy more paracetamol for next new years day.