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Friday 19 October 2012

Ring Ring.

The sound of my house phone calling me. A quick look at the number on the screen, and I ignored it as it was not a number I recognised. I surmised it was probably someone trying to sell me double glazing/loft insulation/tell me I had £3670 of miss sold PPI/or I could benefit from solar panels. (Pick your choice).

A few seconds later my mobile rang.

Me: “Hellooooow?”

Caller: “Hi favourite Uncle, This is your favourite Niece”

Me: “Bugger off. I haven’t got one”

Caller: “Yes you have. It’s me ****”. (name obscured to protect you from the spawn of satan).

Me: “Oh hi ****”.

****: “Dear favourite Uncle (suspicion is starting to set in), can I pretty please, come up and see you on saturday?”

Me: “Oh that would be fine, look forward to seeing you”. What time will you be up”.

****: Afternoon.

Me: Ok. See you then.

****: “Can you do me a little favour”?

I now realise I’m about to be sucker punched.

Me: “And what would that be?

****: “Would it be possible that you could take me to Gatwick on Sunday”?

Me: “What time”?

****: “6.30”

Me: “ That’ll be fine. We can have lunch and then have plenty of time to get there.

****: “No dear Uncle, 6.30 in the morning.”

Me: “That’s Ok we can get there in plenty of time if we leave here at six”

****: “No dear favourite Uncle, the flight leaves at 0630. I need to be there at 0430” .

Me:  (realising the horror of it, and having been  played like a pike in a pond) . Meekly replies, “OK”.

The likely outcome:

The Devil’s spawn Favourite Niece will spend Saturday night drinking copious quantities of wine on Saturday night with Mrs FE with the consequence that there will be a flat panic when the devil’s spawn Niece is having to be literally tipped out of bed late in order to have a chance of catching her flight.

The upshot is, in the near future, you will read about a driver who was banned from driving for three years for overtaking a police car on the M23, being clocked at 143 MPH.

Oh and she want’s me to pick her up on her return.

****. If you are reading this. Could I be jesting? Or not?

Do reply if you read this post.

The answer is in the tags.