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Thursday 24 December 2015

Sunday 20 December 2015

Thursday 17 December 2015

Confessions of a Greenpeace Dropout - Dr Patrick Moore

Just thought you might like a half hour vid exposing Greenpeace's hypocrisy.

Tuesday 15 December 2015


Will Independence day, the sequel be as good as the original? It's on screen next June. Here is a sample.

Monday 14 December 2015

A letter

Sometimes you need to contact your MP in order to set him on the path to redemption. In this case my MP is a first time incumbent to parliament so I sent this in order to gauge his reactions to the below information.
Attn: Thomas Tugendhat MP
Tonbridge and Malling
Monday 14 December 2015

Dear Thomas Tugendhat,
The opposition have called a debate on the Cumbria floods tomorrow, 15th Dec. It is my understanding that the HoC Library has issued a briefing paper (file:///C:/Users/Philip/Downloads/CDP-2015-0128.pdf) where the lead author is named as one, Sara Priestly. She says in the paper that:
“...there is a general understanding that climate change is likely to be linked to increased winter rain in the UK.”
The briefing paper also suggests that further reading can be found from a paper published by Friends of the Earth which, as I understand it, is not even Peer-reviewed. This quotation is not only at odds with the SPM issued by the UNIPCC, but is also at odds with the information issued by Dr Richard Betts at the UK Met Office.
Furthermore, I have discovered that Sara Priestly once worked for Friends of the Earth so is hardly an unbiased author. I am immensely concerned that our MPs are being given biased advice on what some world leaders say is the greatest threat to mankind. If that is the case, it would help enormously if the information provided to our legislators was from un-biased sources.
I can only hope that, late as it is, you will be able to pass on some of this information to your colleagues in the debate.

Yours sincerely,

The Filthy Engineer

It'll be interesting to see what he comes back with. 

Thursday 3 December 2015


It's that time of year where neighbours try to outdo each other with their christmas lights. I thought this pic was fitting for the season.

Wednesday 2 December 2015

I don't belieeeeve it.

I watched the entire six o'clock news on the BBC tonight and there was not one mention of COP21, the IPCC, or climate change in the whole half hour. Shouldn't it be more important than doping, in the international athletics, which was discussed at minute 20, or how social workers will be going out with the police to make house calls on disruptive households.

Has the BBC suddenly realised that they've backed the wrong horse?

A short video follows where the question is asked: Why should climate change be more important than combating terrorism?

Sunday 29 November 2015

Wetting themselves.

The BBC is in full cry over the COP21 talks in Paris that are about to begin.
From their front page on their web site:

COP21: Rallies call for Paris climate change action

Six graphics that explain climate change

COP21: Beginner's guide to the UN Paris climate summit

COP21: Why do two degrees matter?

COP21: Eco activists Brandalism launch Paris ad takeover

Is there an economic case for tackling climate change?

Will carbon capture ever happen in the UK?

COP21: Paris climate deal 'more likely' after terror attacks

I dread to see what else they come up with tomorrow.

One thing they seem to be perplexed about is why less and less people consider climate change a threat. I don’t think that they understand that more and more people have come to realise that there is better info on the WWW. After all their predictions for the general election were totally wrong. People are starting to wake up to the fact that investigative seems to have left the MSM behind.

If I was the BBC I would be quietly reading the sceptical web sites and then pursuing the claims made on them. They might get a surprise with what they would learn.

Most important.

Saturday 28 November 2015

The truth about Islam.

If you're offended by the truth, don't watch this video.

Makes you think about how such an ideology can be unquestioned by it's own followers.

Religion of peace. Pah.

Friday 27 November 2015

The BBC is working up to it.

That is, COP21 of the IPCC (Intergovernmental committee on Climate Change).

For the last two days in their early morning BBC news they have snuck in references to climate change.

Yesterday they had a report by David Shuckman on waste at landfill and he just had to bring in the phrase “greenhouse gases” . the fact that the article was about drones monitoring was just the back story.

Today there was a brief story about the Queen going to Malta for a meeting. The words “climate change” were just dropped in for no real reason.


What will be the story tommorrow? You tell me.

Monday 23 November 2015

Global warming or climate change?

About ten years a subtle shift took place by the warmists and those of a left and green persuasion. For years they banged on about the world was going to be fried by unstoppable global warming. Slowly but surely they have changed the title and called it climate change. Why’s that you ask? It’s because for the last eighteen years the world has not warmed as it should. It’s stubbornly refuted their arguments.
From the executive summary from the UK Met Office:
Global mean surface temperatures rose rapidly from the 1970s, but there has been little further warming over the most recent 10 to 15 years to 2013. This has prompted speculation that human induced global warming is no longer happening, or at least will be much smaller than predicted.
They do waffle on to try an excuse this anomaly, such as the heat has suddenly been swallowed by the deep oceans. Why that should happen as any fule knows that warm water usually rises to the surface.
To get to the point. now we have every twat pontificating that although the global temperature overall hasn’t risen it’s caused a plethora of disasters around the globe instead. We had David Shukman from the BBC blaming floods in the Philippines on Global warming. Has he ever been in the Philippines during the monsoon season, for any length of time? It permanently pisses down with rain. Flash floods are to be expected.
We’ve also had the Prince of Twats, Charles blaming every disaster in the world on climate change. Even the rise of ISIL in Syria.
We all know that climate has been changing for millions of years. Sometimes the temperature rises and sometimes it goes down. What’s new?

I receive no money from any oil company or multinational. I’m just a poor engineer who looks at the facts and figures presented and realises that we are being sold a crock of shit.

(Multi million pound donations will be grudgingly accepted)

Sunday 22 November 2015

If you're a vile terrorist follower of Islam,then this is probably the magazine that you will be expected to read.

Maybe I shouldn't keep banging on about militant Islam, but this one couldn’t be passed up. If it offends anyone then tough shit. Allegedly I live in a country which celebrates free speech (although I have some doubts) so this picture couldn’t be passed up for publication.

And frankly I don’t give a damn whether is upsets anyone belonging to the religion of “peace”.

Saturday 21 November 2015

Friday 20 November 2015

Who are the terrorists?


Old but still relevant. It’s no good sticking our heads in the sand and hoping it will go away. Our politicians need to bite the bullet and admit that trying to cosy up with so called moderate groups such as CAGE is denying there is a problem.
France has suffered badly and rightly is declaring WAR on the terrorists. All we seem to get from our government is indecision. That is not the way a free democratic nation should work.

Thursday 19 November 2015

The gloves should be taken off.

I’m referring to the war on terror that is being waged against Islamic terrorists. As far as I can see the Russians have the right idea. Bomb them to hell and back. No laser guided bombs, instead sticks of dumb bombs from on high.

Of course someone will tell me I’m justifying breaking the Geneva convention. However the Geneva convention is for the protection of prisoners and civilians.

“The Geneva Conventions extensively defined the basic rights of wartime prisoners (civilians and military personnel); established protections for the wounded; and established protections for the civilians in and around a war-zone.”

It’s not as if Isil has been following the convention, so personally we shouldn’t have to fight a lopsided battle.

Article 3 states that even where there is not a conflict of international character, the parties must as a minimum adhere to minimal protections described as: non-combatants, members of armed forces who have laid down their arms, and combatants who are hors de combat (out of the fight) due to wounds, detention, or any other cause shall in all circumstances be treated humanely, with the following prohibitions:

(a) violence to life and person, in particular murder of all kinds, mutilation, cruel treatment and torture;
(b) taking of hostages;
(c) outrages upon personal dignity, in particular humiliating and degrading treatment
(d) the passing of sentences and the carrying out of executions without previous judgment pronounced by a regularly constituted court, affording all the judicial guarantees which are recognized as indispensable by civilized peoples.


As you can see from the emboldened text they have broken all of the rules.

So here’s what I suggest we do.

Raqqa is purportedly a stronghold of Islamic state and should be cleansed. Therefore a warning should be given that if the population don’t leave within 48 hours then the consequences are theirs to shoulder.

Then I’d nuke the place.

Too extreme? Why should we fight with our hands behind our backs?

I might just drop a hint to a particularly rich gulf state that unless they stop funding terrorists, they might find that one of their Holy cities might become a sheet of glass as well.

Wednesday 28 October 2015

Sunday 11 October 2015

Friday 9 October 2015

Sierra club v the truth.

As you can see if you watch the above video, the President of the Sierra Club, has decided that the science of global warming is settled. When told that for the last eighteen years satellites have shown no rise in global temperatures he falls back on the ridiculous idea that the science is settled. Science is never settled. Otherwise the sun would still be orbiting a flat earth.

Wednesday 7 October 2015

For Sale

Used bag, one careful owner from new, buyer to collect.
Bargain at 4p
No Time wasters

Sunday 4 October 2015

Super hero? No. Just embarrassing

Last Saturday I posted on how I used my knowledge of first aid to come to the aid of someone in distress. (Thanks for the kind comments).
It actually embarrasses me that anyone would compliment me on something that I feel all right thinking people carry out .automatically to the best of their ability.

Today we had a birthday celebration for one of my son-in laws. Somehow the word had got round that yours truly wasn’t the lazy bugger that they all thought. They couldn’t believe that I actually walk up to the shop to buy a paper. No that was made up. They actually were impressed with what I’d done. However where had they got the info from?

It turned out that my eldest daughter had told her 3 year old son what had happened. (Who told her?) The boy had quite seriously asked his dad the following.
“Daddy. Granddad saved someone’s life. Does that make him a super hero?”
Of course that was put on daddy's face book page and excited interest in this old fogey.
Remind me not to walk up and get the paper in future.

Seriously though, if you get a chance to attend a first aid course, Go for it.

Thursday 1 October 2015

Hurrah it's October.

Of course public health are exhorting us to abstain from those substances we enjoy. The killjoys that they are.

Here's my reply.

Saturday 26 September 2015

A good day

Normally yours truly keeps himself to himself. Today was different.

This morning I set off up the road to get the paper and top up with ciggies from the local shop. However just up the road, I noticed across the road was an elderly man hanging on to a fence. This man is usually seen briskly taking his dog for a walk most days, so this was unusual to say the least.

On crossing the road and  approaching him almost immediately I could see that he was not at all well. Now FE has had the advantage of doing an advanced first aid course, and it was immediately obvious that he had the symptoms of a stroke. Slurred speech, once side of the face dropped, lack of feeling on one side of his body.

I needed help. So I told the man to hang on, and nipped down to his house to inform his family and then hurried back. By this time the gentleman was having great difficulty to communicate and was nearly collapsing. With the help of his family we managed to ease him into a sitting position. The biggest problem next was that the family members really didn't seem to realise that their relation was in a potentially fatal condition. They were just going to carry him home. I quite forcibly had to persuade them to call for an ambulance.

Within a few minutes a first responder paramedic turned up and definitely said the elderly gent needed to get to a hospital. Interestingly the old gent started to become completely lucid again and started to chat quite happily to the paramedic and myself.

That's when I made my excuses and beat a hasty getaway.

Apparently I'm informed, he had a further incident in the ambulance, but is now stable in hospital.

It's nice to help people.

Thursday 24 September 2015

At last. The green blob is unravelling.

At last the MSM are waking up to the greatest scam of modern times. The relentless push to green us regardless of cost and indeed, lives.

It's an inconvenient truth, but the global warming zealots are to blame for the deadly diesel fiasco, writes STEPHEN GLOVER

The green lobby have been obsessed with the word CARBON to the detriment of all else. If it’s got carbon in it’s name it has to go. Never mind that the damage ensuing is far worse than the benefits.
Twenty years ago, diesel cars constituted a tiny minority. But following the signing of the Kyoto Protocol in 1997, most Western countries, including Britain, were legally obliged to reduce carbon dioxide emissions — alleged by some to cause climate change — by 8 per cent over the following 15 years.
As a smoker I’ve been bombarded by the insidious propaganda from the anti smoking zealots that my filthy habit is the cause of just about all the known ills that can effect all mankind. Strange that as smoking prevalence in the population has fallen by sixty percent over the years, Childhood asthma has risen at an alarming rate.
Could there just be a teensy weensy link between diesel particulates and the Asthma rise? I’ll leave you with one last section from the article.
Indeed, it is one of the ironies of this story that America — which, to the outrage of the climate-change lobby, did not ratify the Kyoto Protocol because of a certain scepticism about man-made climate change — is far sterner about vehicle pollution than any European country, including our own.
Haven’t they got it the right way round? A baby being pushed by her mother in a buggy, a cyclist and even an ordinary pedestrian walking along the pavement of a busy street are being exposed to unnecessary risks as a result of the completely foreseen dangers of diesel vehicles.
It’s heartening to say the least that the MSM (Except the BBC of course. They are still in thrall to the greens) are at last openly exposing the green credo for what it is. A religion gone bonkers.

Tuesday 1 September 2015

Engauge brain?

A man and his wife live in a house and the wife gets up early to drive  to her daughters house to babysit. The man gets up at the same time , as he has to let the builders in.
Five minutes after the wife has left, the man's phone rings.

Here is the conversation that followed:

Man: Hello..

Woman: I'm at the garage.

Man: I take it that you're getting the paper then?

Woman: No, no. I've a problem filling the car with petrol.

Man: Oh. You have to open the fuel filler lid using the little lever just above and to the right of the footwell.

Woman: No, I've done that. I've got the fuel nozzle in the tank, but when i press the lever I just get a click.

Man (Giggling hysterically): I think that's because the tank is full. I filled it to the brim yesterday afternoon.

Woman: "Click"

Surely it's not that difficult to look at the fuel gauge before you drive off.

Wednesday 19 August 2015

A dustbowl.

I'm having an extension built at the back of the house. For all these years that we've lived in the place we've survived with a narrow galley kitchen and have finally decided to remedy the situation. This is not out of vanity, it's because with an extended family now, we need more dining space. When you have fourteen for crimbo lunch, you'll know why.

We decided to go for broke (I probably will be by the time it is finished), and are having a kitchen space of 30m2.

All has gone well so far. The walls are up, the roof is on, the bi-fold doors are being fitted, and the cabling is now in place.

The downside is that we have come to the stage where we are having the wall down between the old kitchen and the new area. The result so far (they've only knocked out a few bricks in order to fit two RSJ's), is that the downstairs of the house is resembling the sahara desert. Tomorrow will probably be even worse as they are knocking the whole wall down, and opening up for a new back door from the existing kitchen.

Another interesting fact is that the leckies decided I would need a new consumer unit situated in the utility room to supply electrical services to the back of the house. By the size of the cabling I reckon there is one wind turbine that is no longer connected to the national grid!

Right. I need another large whisky to clear the dust from my throat.

Monday 17 August 2015




Last month Mrs FE and myself decided to visit our son who lives in the north. Our preferred route is to join the M25 (spits) travel anti-clockwise and cross over into Essex via the Dartford crossing. As most of you will know, the crossing has changed from a cash transaction at the toll booths to an electronic transaction linked to the car registration number.

A couple of days before we set off I duly registered at the Dart charge website and opted to pay £10 by debit card into an account to be set up for me. So far so good.

Imagine my chagrin when perusing my bank account statement I find that I’d been charged twice. One amount when I opened the account and one when I first crossed the crossing.

I was tempted to tear a strip of the company but luckily I put it of. (Too lazy).

Today I received an email with a link to a statement of my account. Yes, fair enough the two amounts were listed, but what was interesting  was that  the proviso was that if your account fell below a minimum of £10 they would take another £10 from your account.

How dare they, you say.

Well I won’t be saying anything. for the following reason.

Normally for a saloon car the charge is £2.50 for a one way crossing. Imagine my surprise to find that in the summary of crossings, I’d only been charged £1.67 per crossing. Apparently that is the discounted costs for local residents.

Now of course I’ve never lived in that area of Kent and in fact live in the opposite side of the county. Strange.

Until I perceived a reason for the lowered charge.

I bought the car from a dealer in Dartford.

So I don’t think I’ll complain.

Does this make me a bad man? Not in my mind. If they cock it up then that’s their fault.

Sunday 16 August 2015

Public health

There’s a good article over on Dick Puddlecote’s  blog about those killjoys at Public health.

Here is one paragraph that the health zealots think of us, the great unwashed public.

“Lifestyle” is a loaded term that reinforces stereotypes about individuals and a world view that people are majorly or entirely responsible for their own health. Indeed surely the term “death style” would be better because the logical implication is that most individuals in our society are consciously choosing to lead unhealthy lives. Using such a term ignores the many and varied influences on health; the implicit assumption is that all is solved by developing an individual’s rational health decision making capacity.

Go and read Dick’s post. He makes the counter argument better than I ever could.

Wednesday 12 August 2015

Blatant disregard for the law.

Some months ago my aged mother in law was phoned by a distant selling company who persuaded her to purchase from them, some quack herbal remedy. At the time my MIL was registered with the Telephone preference service.(TPS).

So on her behalf I complained to the TPS, cancelled the order, asked for her money back, and returned the dispatched goods with a strongly worded letter.

I might as well have beaten my head against a brick wall.

Today they rang her again and persuaded her to buy another useless product.

So here we go again.

Saturday 8 August 2015

Are you happy?

Here's the simultaneous equation for it.

Thursday 6 August 2015

Plod are EVEN stupider now.


I’m just wondering if they have thought this through.

Leicestershire Police's three-month pilot involved only sending crime scene investigators to analyse forensics at victims homes if they lived in an even-numbered house and not odd-numbers.

I think that the law of unintended could strike here. If I was a burglar I would only break into ODD numbered houses in the short term.

Wednesday 5 August 2015

Wednesday 29 July 2015

Don't bother to call plod.

If you've been burgled you'll be low down on the priorities of the Police farce.

According to Sara Thornton, head of the National Police Chiefs Council, however, you shouldn't necessarily expect them to bother turning up. “We need to move from reacting to some of those traditional crimes to thinking about focusing on threat and harm and risk and really protecting the public,” she said yesterday. “That might mean that if you’ve had a burglary, for example, and the burglar has fled, that we won’t get there as quickly as we would have in the past.”

They’re far more likely to be going after real villains.

Police want to identify three youngsters who "blacked up" as gollys for a town's summer parade

Police Scotland has confirmed it is carrying out an investigation after complaints over the Wick Gala, in Caithness, Scotland.

Donna Plowman, who chairs the Wick Gala Committee, said: "Police approached us on Monday as they were making inquiries into certain participants after receiving concerns about people dressing up as Golliwogs and the Jackson Five.

I give up.

Tuesday 21 July 2015

Want a BMW?

They're rubbish according to this new owner.

You couldn't make it up?

Monday 13 July 2015


Facts about wind turbines and how good they are for us. (Not).


wind en

Wednesday 8 July 2015

The blog author.

A few years ago.

w sword 2

I’m the one in dark blue. We had just been awarded the Wilkinson Sword of Peace.

In 1995 RFA Sir Galahad shared the award of the Wilkinson Sword of Peace after providing assistance to the UK elements of the UN Stabilisation Force at Lobito, Angola, following years of civil war.  The ship was deployed on Operation Chantress as this deployment became known from the 6 April to the 21 August 1995.

It was a very interesting deployment. I was the liaison between the ship and the Royal Engineer detachment. I believe I’m the only engineer in my outfit to have carried out a controlled explosion of a land mine. (under supervision of course).

I found this pic by pure chance on the internet. Strange.

Sunday 5 July 2015

The Greeks have spoken.

With nearly two-thirds of the vote counted, Greeks look to have given the 'Big No' with a 60pc majority against Europe's bail-out conditions

greece sheep

Interesting times ahead. Is this the start of the end of the EU?

Thursday 2 July 2015

Panic! It’s summer. We’re all doomed I say.

Since I got back from Greece all I see in the media is how we are going to fry this year. Pensioners are ordered to stay in doors (Are we allowed to call them pensioners these days?).

Dr Angie Bone, Head of Extreme Events at PHE, said:

In this continued warm weather, it’s important to remember that high temperatures can be dangerous, especially for people who may be vulnerable such as older people, young children and those with serious illnesses.

They honestly presume that the general public are stupid and can’t work this out for themselves. Whilst in Greece we endured at least half the time with temperatures in the late twenties and early thirties. We didn’t need Public Health Greece to tell us how to look after ourselves. We just took sensible precautions such as if you feel dehydrated, drink more beer.

Apart from yesterday where it edged into the low thirties where I live, the temperatures daily have just stayed in the low twenties with rain today. Not exactly tropical weather.


Tuesday 30 June 2015

I'm back.

And I'm exhausted.

Arrived back from our family holiday on the island of Crete late sunday afternoon. since then it has been all go. Incidentally the islanders take the whole monetary crisis in their stride. No stampede for the cash machines at all. Then again, where we stay, all the transactions are carried out on a cash basis as a matter of course.

Yesterday was grand child sitting duties. Up at 0600 and back home at 1930. Bloody hard work looking after a three year old and a one year old.

Today was the same except longer as SE trains don't seem to work in hot weather and the daughter was late back.

I've also only got half a roof as I called in roofers to fix the main roof before Mrs FE's kitchen extension was built.

It will be interesting tomorrow when the chimney sweep does his business whilst the roofers are on the job.

All in all it is very busy at the FE mansion.

I think I need a holiday.

Saturday 13 June 2015

Time out.

I'm off on holiday tomorrow. Blogging will be sporadic to non existent for two weeks.

It'll be hell.

Thursday 11 June 2015

Oh hell

The view from my front door this evening.

Never, ever let your other half talk you into building a larger kitchen. This morning I was woken at O crack sparrow fart by the doorbell. "Please sir could you sign for the delivery of one digger and a dumper truck". A sleepy "OK" was the reply.

Since then I've seen my patio and underpinning clay soil, steadily moved from the back of my house to the front. That pile is not even half that has to be moved.

I've also had to try and sort out what dates a roofer will be able to come in and do essential maintenance on the back of the main roof which involves scaffolding to be erected.

There was also the resiting of the satellite dish.

What does Mrs FE do? Shopping.

Still not to worry, we're off to the sunny island of Crete this weekend. For two whole weeks.

Mind you the building inspector is due in on Tuesday to discuss the footings required with the builder.

I think I might just turn my Mobile off.

PS. My stats tell me I've just passed 1,000,000 page views for this blog.

Tuesday 9 June 2015


Typical greens. They can't get anything right.

Hildenborough residents are celebrating speed sign success after 85 years of campaigning.Villagers say they have wanted to get the speed limit reduced since 1930 and now Kent County Council has put up new 30mph signs in the area.The new speed markers, which were put up last week, show a reduction from 40mph and have been placed at the beginning of the village by Foxbush Road.Eva Charrington, of Mill Lane and part of the Hildenborough Green Party, said: "We have just seen the two 30mph signs by the Hildenborough sign. This is brilliant.
 And further on:

Cllr Dagger added: "I am extremely pleased they have a reduction in speed limit right through the village.
"They have been trying for years and hadn't had much luck.
"I had a grant I could use for highways purposes so could do it for them – it was a serendipitous moment.
"It had been difficult in the past to get a 30mph limit as police didn't have the resources to enforce the limit but I've used my members' highways fund.

Or not. An E-mail sent to me from my mole on the council.

From: xxxxxx [mailto:xxxxxx]
Sent: 08 June 2015 15:46To:; Rhodes Mark RSubject: New 30 mph speed limit - B245 Hildenborough Dear Valerie, I do not know if you are aware but the B245 Hildenborough from the Hilden Manor to just past Foxbush is now signed as a 30 mph speed limit.  Unfortunately this is an error and the signs have been installed too soon.  In order to revoke the Traffic Regulation Order for the 40 mph speed limit, a legal process must be followed and this is still ongoing.  ; I am advised that consultation is expected to commence within the next two-weeks I am aware several enquiries have been received by KCC and Tonbridge and Malling Borough Council.  At the moment the 30 mph is illegal and unenforceable, and as such is going to be removed as a matter of urgency.  The 40 mph signs will be put back out on site.  As soon as the 40 mph speed limit has been revoked, the 30 mph speed limit signs will be reinstalled. Please be assured that I am doing everything I can to rectify this situation and am working with the contractor to get the speed limit put back to 40 mph.  The cost to put back the 40 mph will not be met by KCC, likewise the cost to reinstall the 30 mph speed limit following completion of the TRO process. (My embolding)
 I would offer you my sincere apologies for the distress and inconvenience caused by this error. Kind regards,

I should hope that councillor Dagger and those that  are instrumental in this fiasco are made to pay the costs involved.

I'd like to know who these people who have been pushing for it are, as this is the first I've heard of it. And I've lived in the village for 40 years. They must be feeling pretty stupid after reading this article.

Sunday 7 June 2015


The outfit I worked for in cartoon form.

I sailed on both of those ships.

Wednesday 3 June 2015

You want what? A clean cat?

Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the bath with the cat and close the sliding -glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)

Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face-mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.

Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion as a rule.)

. Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the bath enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo. You have begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life.

Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy. He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record for cats is three latherings, so don't expect too much.)

Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just getting really determined. In fact, the drying is simple compared with what you have just been through. That's because by now the cat is semi-permanently affixed to your right leg. You simply pop the drain plug with your foot, reach for your towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is drained from the bath, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat. In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine. You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defences and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath. But at least now he smells a lot better

*No cats were harmed in the writing of this article. Just the owners*

Monday 1 June 2015

Smoke and the state will snatch your children.

So it's come to pass that the state apparatus can take your children away if you smoke in your own home.

A two-year-old boy has been put up for adoption because his parents are smokers.
This has been reported in much of the MSM, but the smoking is cited as the main culprit.

Only in passing is the following mentioned:

The judge was told that the boy's father had mental health problems and that their home had been “dirty, smelly and unhygienic”.
There was also evidence of drug paraphernalia and the father had also tested positive for cocaine.
Now if I was the health visitor I wouldn't be able to bear the guilt of being the cause of a son being legally torn away from his parents for ever.

And I would hope that this foul creature will repent of the evil she has encouraged when she is finally on her death bed.

Responding to this case, Deborah Arnott, Chief Executive of health charity ASH said: “This is a very sad case. It should serve as a reminder to other parents or guardians who smoke that they should avoid smoking in the presence of their children because of the significant harm that can be caused by tobacco smoke.” 

Sunday 31 May 2015

Excuses for lack of posting.

I’ve been somewhat busy for several reasons.

1. It fell to me (It always does) to arrange a holiday abroad for all of my family. On being instructed on when and where we were holidaying,  it was left up to me to ensure it happened. This meant that I was in charge of remitting the deposit which is a headache in itself attempting to transfer money abroad in euros.

It doesn’t help that not everyone would be travelling on the same dates. (14 people).

Hire cars have to be arranged. Some with child seats and some without.

Foreign currency is a must, bearing in mind that the country we are travelling to could default on its payment to the EU. (I’m looking at you, Greece).

Two villas were required and need to have a plethora of high chairs, cots etc for the little ones.

Here’s a pic of one of the slums.

And the bar.

2. Mrs FE decided some months ago she needed a bigger kitchen. This has resulted in numerous changes in architect drawings (Why can’t women get it right first time), due to changes of layout.I’ve persuaded her that there is no need to change the old kitchen into a utility room and toilet and the utility room and toilet into an office. Finally she agreed that the utility room and toilet would stay as it was and the old kitchen would become an office. (3 months it took me to make her see the logic in that).

3. Slates have been falling of the roof at an alarming rate and a new roof needs to be fitted. Unfortunately this needs to be done before the kitchen is started otherwise the cost will be doubled due to the exorbitant cost of scaffolding. I’m trying to co-ordinate roofing repairs with builders start dates. I’ve a feeling that I’ll still be dealing with that on holiday at this rate.

That’s my excuse for not posting.

To think that some years ago I looked after multi million projects. I must be getting old.