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Friday 31 May 2013

Technology. Isn’t it great.

I’m now the proud owner of an Android tablet.


Asus TF300T 10.1-inch Multitouch Tablet with Keyboard (Blue) (Nvidia Tegra 3 1.4GHz, 1GB RAM, 32GB HDD, WLAN, BT, 2x Cam, Android 4.0)

The only trouble is that it has an Android operating system, and I’ve been brought up with windows, so I’m having to nearly start all over again in the operating system world.

I’m not too troubled as my phone is an android and I learnt the ins an outs of that eventually, so all is not dire.

The beauty of this tablet is that it has a good battery life of 5  hours. But that’s not all. The detachable keyboard also has a battery. This is claimed to add another 10 hours when attached. (Not like my laptop that barely lasted an hour even when new).

If any one can help me I’d be obliged. I need  blog writing software that is designed for the android system. My phone has Blogaway, but I would like something more sophisticated for the tablet.

Thursday 30 May 2013

Phantom of the Opera

I’ve never heard it played like this. Enjoyable to hear a different version.

Wednesday 29 May 2013

Plain packs in the land of the leprechauns.

Live from comes an article gloating about the introduction of plain packaging on tobacco products in Eire.

AHEAD OF WORLD No Tobacco Day on Friday, the Minister for Health James Reilly has announced that Ireland is to become the second country in the world to introduce plain packets of cigarettes, after Australia.

(No Tobacco day. Memo to self: Buy extra on Friday).

Minister Reilly said he was “confident that this legislation will be justified and supported purely by the fact that it will save lives”.

And of course there is a poll. And we all love polls don’t we? The results so far are nicely condemning of the whole hateful idea. Do follow the link and see if you can up the no vote.

Poll: Do you welcome the introduction of plain pack cigarettes?


Tuesday 28 May 2013

A letter to the Doctor


My Son received a letter from his consultant Oncologist to take to his Quack GP. It contained one superlative sentence produced below.

 "Chris knows more about his condition than you do. Stop being a muppet and do what he says."

Straight and to the point I think.

Monday 27 May 2013

Have a smoke.

Don’t feel downtrodden if you do.

Resourced from Jay at Nannying Tyrants.

Sunday 26 May 2013


There’s a certain kind of masochist who considers that gardening is a fun pursuit. Well this blogger considers that pastime was conceived somewhere in the lower circles of hell.

Bearing in mind that it was a hot bank holiday weekend for a change, gardening was not my idea of fun.

Let me explain.

I had to mow a lawn which hadn’t been shown the attendance of a cutting implement for a while. Consequentially mowing with a “Less bovver with a hover” appliance, that was sadly lacking in size and power, brought me out in a hate rage of any garden machinery of an orange colour. I honestly believe it would have been easier to have used a scythe and a vacuum cleaner.

Then there was the strimmer for getting into those parts that the orange machinery fails to do. Bloody thing seemed to eat plastic cord like there was no tomorrow.

The hedge needed cutting. The easy bit is slashing away with the hedge trimmer. The backbreaking part is picking up the detritus that you’ve just hacked off.

Then of course you’ve now accumulated a mountain of green rubbish. And this means a trip to the municipal waste facility (The tip). Queue hell.

Not withstanding that, there is the garden furniture to repair. So off to that well known rip off merchant with the web address starting with DIY. You only want one bracket, but oh no, you have to buy a packet of three.

Now your’e all thinking well done Mr FE you’ve now got an outstanding garden. You’re wrong. It’s the errant son’s garden (Errant cos he lives up north), that I’ve slaved over.

It all started a few months ago when he phoned and invited us up for the bank holiday. (I should have refused outright.) I was expecting to be pampered, wined and dined at expensive restaurants, and generally made to feel special. I should have known better. My daughters put Machiavelli into the third division.

In actual fact it was an interesting experience and brought me back in time to my youth. I knew nothing about gardening or DIY. So my son is not to blame in the slightest. (I’ll outline his faults in a future post).

Probably best to have astroturf and practice celibacy.

*I expect a comment Christopher*

Friday 24 May 2013

Thursday 23 May 2013

Save me from these green luddites.

I was watching the BBC news tonight and strayed into BBC south east.

Half way through the news came an interview with a citizen of the leafy village of Balcombe. Why am I writing about this Sussex paradise you might ask?

This is a village that is sitting on potentially vast resources of natural gas and permission has been given for an exploratory drilling to see it’s potential.

Now as I’ve posted before, the method of extraction is a game changer for our energy supply. Since 2005 we’ve seen an increase in cost of natural gas in this country, of an eye watering 35%. It makes sense to utilise a cheap form of energy to fuel our economy out of recession.

Not so for the hardened green ecotwatess..

This so called “Spokesperson” ranted on about every ridiculous scare story that you could think of. Here’s a sample:

Ground water will be contaminated. (How come if the drilling is thousands of  feet below)

Local wild life will die.

Earthquakes will devastate the area. (The earthquakes in the Fylde area were only picked up on seismometers)

All the horned toads will be eradicated. (Insert your protected species of choice).

We have to have renewable energy.

I hate with a passion these idiots who haven’t a scientific bone in their body who are so gullible that they’ll leave reason behind.

Wednesday 22 May 2013


This is what you get when you pander to extremists.
And we all know what religion he practises. Don’t we?

Islam if you were not sure.

Tuesday 21 May 2013

I don’t bullyeve it.

Sorry about the title, but it’s a hint about this blog post content.

Apparently researchers have discovered that second hand smoke causes bullying in children. Think I’m making it up? Read on.

Children who are exposed to secondhand smoke in early childhood are more likely to grow up to physically aggressive and antisocial, regardless of whether they were exposed during pregnancy or their parents have a history of being antisocial, according to Linda Pagani and Caroline Fitzpatrick of the University of Montreal and its affiliated CHU Sainte-Justine hospital. No study to date has controlled for these factors. “Secondhand smoke is in fact more dangerous that inhaled smoke, and 40% of children worldwide are exposed to it. Moreover, exposure to this smoke at early childhood is particularly dangerous, as the child’s brain is still developing,” Pagani said. “I looked at data that was collected about 2,055 kids from their birth until ten years of age, including parent reports about secondhand smoke exposure and from teachers and children themselves about classroom behaviour. Those having been exposed to secondhand smoke, even temporarily, were much more likely to report themselves as being more aggressive by time they finished fourth grade.” The study was published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health on May 21, 2013.

I’m fucking gobsmacked. What will they blame SHS on next?

I was surrounded by wreaths of SHS when I was a kid (A long time ago), and grew up to be quite a shy child.

Now I find that smoking calms me down, so I suggest that instead of smoking around the cheeeldren, we should instead shove a lighted ciggie in the mouths of our new borns to prevent bullies of the future.

*For the anti-smokers out there. I’M JOKING*.

That’ll work. My studies of 97% of smokers in my household prove it (One).

You can read more at Junk science.

Monday 20 May 2013

Plain packaging is the way to go.


I think not.

Plain packaging smoking materials, will not for one moment stop me smoking. I started smoking at school when someone offered me one. Although I went a violent shade of green and coughed for England, I was pleasantly surprised at the feeling of relaxation it gave me.

In all my life I’ve never been seduced by the colour or style of the packaging. It’s always been about the quality of the product and the price.

Of course now the price, is everything, and that’s why the antismoking Tobacco control industry and the government are heading into a world of hurt with the idea of plain packaging.

Which brings me onto why plain packaging should be abandoned.


The health zealots insist that this is unlikely to happen. They have to say that as otherwise their whole premise falls.

Here are some facts about counterfeiting that I found interesting,  especially as it comes from the garden of England, Kent.

A recent survey by MSIntelligence revealed Gillingham topped the table for having the worst habit when it comes to smoking counterfeit cigarettes, with more than half being illegal.

It found 54.5% of packets thrown away in the town had avoided tax, while Poole in Dorset came second (50.83%) and Worthing in Sussex third (49.24%). Mr Turner, who has owned the shop for the past 18 months, said: “When I heard about the plans for plain packaging I thought it was loopy.

Now I don’t live in the Medway area so unfortunately can’t avail myself of a cheaper product. But I would if I could. (If there’s bootlegger in West Kent reading this then please let me know).

These counterfeit ciggies can’t be that bad as I haven’t seen any reports that the people of Medway are dying like flies yet.

It seems that the government will be making a rod for it’s own back if it introduces plain packaging as revenues from tobacco products will fall dramatically.

For those antismoker out there. Mull on this.

Supposed costs for all smoking ailments costs the NHS £2.7 billion per annum.

However, revenue from tobacco products is £11 billion. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. (Oh I forgot, you’re antismoking bigots).

Believe it or not, smokers are subsidising the ailments of the antismokers.

So what if all smokers quit tomorrow.

The government would have to make up the shortfall.

Working out on the back of a fag packet (Natch), it would work out that every man, women, and child, would have to pay £250 to make up the shortfall.

So a family with two adults and two kids would be taxed £1,000 more per year.

This is the price you will pay if you're an antismoker. I hope you can afford it. I shall laugh like a drain when I read that dreadful Arnott from ASH has has her house repossessed because she can;t afford her mortgage.

It will serve you right.

The green bubble

Interesting video in a meaured way explaining why renewable energy will wreck the Australian economy.

Tim Le Roy's Overview

  • Regional Manager Victoria - Business Banking at St.George Bank Ltd
  • Business Banking Manager at ANZ
  • BDM at Scottish Pacific Business Finance
  • St. John's College, Johannesburg

Saturday 18 May 2013

That’ll work then.

More green technology ideas. Having realised that wind turbines only supply power when the wind is blowing, a company is trying to imply that they have a solution to the problem.

Gaelectric Holdings Plc, the Dublin- based developer, is in discussions with infrastructure investors for a 300 million-pound ($466 million) project in Northern Ireland to store surplus energy from wind turbines.

Sounds like a good idea. Or does it?

Gaelectric’s plant will use excess electricity from turbines to power a motor that will drive a compressor to store air in an underground salt cavern. When demand is high, the air is released to run a turbine generating power, burning some natural gas at the same time to boost output.

Now air compressors, even low pressure, high volume, require quite a bit of power. So they’re losing some of their wind energy straight away.

Then the laughable fact that they think that they can contain all that semi free air in salt caverns.

When I was a marine engineer in a past life we relied on compressed air for a number of purposes, such as:

Starting diesel engines. (Ship’s don’t have starter motors and huge banks of batteries).

Air operated control systems.

General purpose air, (Power tools etc).

My point that I’m going to make is all that air at different pressures had to be stored for use.

We stored that air in steel pressure vessels fed by steel pipes.  Guess what? We could never, ever, stop that pesky air from escaping. We had automatic air compressors that had to keep them topped up.

So when that article mentioned storing compressed air in SALT caverns I burst out in hysterical laughter.

If steel pipes and steel pressure vessels with their fittings can’t stop leaking, what hope have we with salt caverns. FFS.

Then the article goes on to state that they are going to use that stored air, you’ve guessed it, in driving another wind turbine. It’s ludicrous. When you consider the losses of efficiencies throughout the whole process, then we are in for even more expensive elektrickery than at present.

But that’s alright though, they’ll supplement it with gas.

FFS(again). Why not simply generate power in a combined cycle gas turbine in the first place?

Thursday 16 May 2013


My blog stats have shot up today. Now that would seem to be a good thing you might say.

Hundreds have been visiting  from a URL named:

Sounds great doesn’t it?

Nope. Do not click on that link if you’re in the office or your other half is around.

This is where it actually takes you.

Sex datings in Hastings.

Very very graphic.

Tax Simplified.


Wednesday 15 May 2013


The most honest three and a half minutes of television, EVER...

It would be nice if some of our politicians talked in plain language like that clip.

Tuesday 14 May 2013

My past life.

43 years, man and boy. It’s a pity there are so few ships left. When I joined there were over 60.

Incidentally when I left, I was the longest serving person ever to have served in the RFA.

Still. The pension is good.

PS. The sister ship to the Wave Knight, the Wave Ruler, was the last one I sailed in.

Sunday 12 May 2013


I was looking on the web to update my summer holiday. Unfortunately I don’t think I’ll have a summer holiday in the UK this year.


Oh well. I’ll go to Portugal instead.

Friday 10 May 2013

A most excellent letter.

Earlier I was reading an article in the Financial Times (As you do), when I came across this comment in the comments. It’s a letter to our esteemed (spits) Prime Minister exhorting him to get real where our energy policy is concerned.

I’m going to reproduce it in full here. I hope the author won’t take offence. It really hits all the right notes.

Yertizz | May 9 5:04pm | Permalink

In line with Nick Butler's excellent piece there follows the text of my letter to David Cameron:

29th April 2013

Dear Prime Minister,

Re: Energy Policy

It was with amazement and increasing trepidation that I read the front page article of the Mail on Sunday yesterday about plans to introduce ‘smart appliances’ designed to shut down at times of peak demand and to force users to pay astronomical energy prices for the privilege. I had to pinch myself and check the calendar several times to ensure the date was not 1st April!

What I was reading was an indication of a government in complete panic over energy policies which informed opinion tells us are destined to cripple the entire country in the next 2-5 years and all of which are driven by the Committee on Climate Change. The CCC is promoted as ‘independent’ yet it is funded by public money and stuffed with MP’s, only one of which as far as I can tell is a climate change sceptic and whose Chairman has his snout in the renewables trough. How that qualifies as independent is beyond parody. Additionally it seems to me that the CCC slavishly follows the gospel of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) without any consideration that the opposing views have any validity. In the past few years it has become self-evident the IPCC has its roots in flawed science. This was demonstrated by the failure of the Copenhagen conference 2 years ago to come anywhere near unanimity in approach and was further confirmed with the result of the Mexico meeting a few months ago.

In more recent times Professor James Lovelock, himself a founder member of the Green lobby, has recanted saying that no single contributory factor can be found to be responsible for climate change. Almost daily more independent peer-reviewed scientific evidence is emerging which supports the view that increasing levels of carbon dioxide do not materially add to global warming. In this context it is a complete mystery why increased atmospheric CO2, for which mankind is held responsible, is promulgated as the sole driver of climate change!

The only logical conclusion is that those who promote these fantasies stand to benefit from their beliefs and actions. For all the pain and anguish that will descend upon the people and businesses in this country there will be little or no advantages and in a global sense will have no effect whatsoever on emissions. Rather it will be nothing more than cynical political posturing on a Biblical scale.

Recently Drax power station began a £multi-billion conversion programme to burn biofuel (wood!) which will be imported from America at huge cost: and for what? Simply to satisfy the requirements of the ill-founded Climate Change Act which itself is driven by purely political EU directives. Yet Germany opened 2 new coal-fired stations last year, 6 more are due to open this year and a further 6 by 2020! Furthermore, in light of the events in Fukushima, Japan is to build more coal-fired plants as quickly as possible in the coming years. Then there is China currently opening a new coal-fired plant every four days and let’s not forget Russia and Brazil.

Meanwhile your government’s policies will ensure more of our coal-fired stations are closed in the coming years with absolutely no chance of renewables filling the void. Instead we will suffer power cuts and increasing energy bills; yet Employment and Pensions Minister Ian Duncan Smith chooses this time to suggest that pensioners, like me, give up our Winter Fuel Allowance! If ever there was a time for joined-up thinking now is it.

The only way I can see of getting out of this mess is to cancel the coal-fired closures until new gas and nuclear stations come on stream and ditch the odious Carbon Floor Price completely to show the EU how it’s done and, if Nick Clegg objects, show him the door.

It would be easy for you to simply dismiss these views as the hysterical ramblings of a climate change denier. Let me advise you of my stance on this: in almost 20 years’ involvement in the debate I have NEVER denied climate change but accept it as a normal and cyclical natural phenomenon supported by independent peer-reviewed scientific evidence. Neither am I ignorant of many of the factors which illuminate the debate. Before retirement over 5 years ago I spent nearly 50 years in the gas industry. I saw the emergence of natural gas and the impact it had, not only on what was a dying industry but upon the fortunes of the country at large. At the time of its discovery estimates told that there were some 20 years’ reserves. Here we are 50 years on and we still have not exhausted those reserves; which brings me to shale gas.

There, surely, lies the future for the energy industry in this country? Back in the 60’s the environmentalists of the day were issuing dire warnings of the consequences of drilling for natural gas. Some were even convinced that removal of the gas from its pockets beneath the sea bed would lead to it collapsing and draining the North Sea! Today’s warnings of the dangers of fracking leading to earthquakes and contamination of the aquifers must be regarded as the same fatuous nonsense.

If nothing is done to arrest the march of the Green Ideologues the future of our country is in mortal danger. I feel sure there are millions of voters, like me, who want their children and grandchildren to live in a country built upon common sense and honesty, not greed and obfuscation and that can keep them in plentiful, secure and continuous supplies of energy.

As you contemplate your reply (please don’t insult my intelligence by getting a researcher, intern or civil servant to respond parroting the party line) please be advised I will not accept any attempt to take the moral high ground as is so beloved of politicians. Do you wish your legacy to be as the Prime Minister who allowed his country to perish for the sake of political expediency or as a worthy equal of Margaret Thatcher? I have voted Conservative at every General Election since 1964 but unless there is some serious re-arrangement of energy policy I will have to change the habit of a lifetime at the next one.

Good innit

Thursday 9 May 2013

Kent’s crime rate soars.

By one.
This is the dastardly offender.
She really looks like a hardened criminal doesn’t she?
What is the heinous offence that she’s committed?
Bob Allen’s daughter Lily-May was playing outside her home in Manston Road on Monday afternoon, when a police car pulled up next to her.
Officers told Lily-May that her hopscotch markings were illegal.
Mind I bet that those Officers are in for a rough time in the Police canteen when they are identified. I really think that those Officers fucking idiots in blue should be hauled up in front of their Inspector and then be sent for re-education. Preferably not in Kent.


A Kent Police spokesperson said: "The officer concerned has been advised and accepted that it was wrong to advise the young girl that chalking a hopscotch grid was not criminal damage.
"We have explained this to Mr Allen and are keeping him updated."

A fitting punishment would be for the officer concerned be condemned to play hopscotch in her school at lunchtime, for a week.

Wednesday 8 May 2013

What would YOU do?

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is about to die,
and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS................... (Well maybe you would)

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered:

'I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.'

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.

Never forget to 'Think Outside of the Box.'

This is what I would do.

Run the old lady over and put her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the bonnet of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.

Tuesday 7 May 2013

Best definition

There's an annual contest at the Griffiths University , Australia , calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term.

This year's term was   'political correctness'.

The winning student wrote:

'Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rapidly promoted by mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition
that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end.'

Couldn’t ask for anything better as far as I can see.

Sunday 5 May 2013

Oh no he won’t.

About three weeks ago I wrote an article about my son’s treatment for Thyroid cancer.

He was booked in provisionally to have further radiotherapy treatment* in July.

The good news is that his Oncologist has reviewed the data which shows that, although slower than normal, his protein levels are returning to a normal state.

It’s nice to have good news.

* Why’s it called Radiotherapy when there isn’t a radio in sight?

(Don’t all shout at once)

Thursday 2 May 2013

They’re campaigning hard.

My local councillors are trying very hard to get my vote in the council elections.

Are they buggery.

In fact the only sign of any campaigning is a pamphlet from UKIP. I think that the big parties seem to think that they’ve either got my vote (Tory), or don’t stand a chance of getting my vote (Labour, Libdem). This really pisses me off. In fact I’ve never, in the 25 years that I’ve lived at this address, ever actually had a politician knock on my door and try to persuade me to vote for them. (Lazy presumptive bastards, the lot of them).

So, I shall be voting Ukip. At least they made some sort of effort, not like the other parties that just presume how I’ll be voting.

Wednesday 1 May 2013

Ukip will be the conservatives downfall.


I couldn’t resist this one on the eve of the council elections tomorrow.

Tech Tips.

Some of these may be helpful.