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Tuesday 16 August 2011

Tuesday Tomfoolery

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.  When I
quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave.  As I was
standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3
hours later and they're still walking about with it.  I thought to myself,
they've lost the plot!!

I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could
check her balance, so I pushed her over.

A new Middle East crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was
refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.  A spokesman for the
channel said. "A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand
the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do."

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our
local pet shop and they were £70!!!  B******s to this, I thought, I can
get one cheaper off the web.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

Went around to a friend's house today. His wife was sat there with their
new-born baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it.  I thought that was a bit
harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead.

I start a new job in Seoul next week.  I thought it was a good Korea move.

I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was
sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.  I thought to myself
'that guy's heading for a breakdown.'

On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking
Doctor' - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our