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Thursday 27 October 2011

I am damned

Well, In the minds of the health puritans, I am.

I smoke 40 a day

I drink well over the “recommended limits”. (And I mean well over).

I like plenty of salt on my food.

I don’t go for long walks. (The thought of such a boring pastime makes me shiver).

I eat what I want.

So now you would expect by righteous definitions, I’m a menace to the future of the NHS, due to my non PC lifestyle.

Well the truth is that I’ve been almost no drain on the state. In my working life (43 years), I would say that I’ve had at the most, seven days of sick leave.

If you were to believe the likes of the so called charities such as ASH, Alcohol concern, the Obesity forum, and all the other rent seeking groups, I should have been dead years ago.

Sorry chums. I’m living proof that your propaganda is flawed.

My advice to the up and coming generation is enjoy life to the full. It’s the only one you’ll have. Go out, get drunk in the smoking shelter, then stagger home clutching a big mac, and enjoy yourself.

At the moment I’m actually a drain on the NHS as I’ve been diagnosed with a peptic ulcer. However that’s not my fault. I blame the commenters on this blog for putting me in the worrying position of trying to answer their absolutely brilliant comments, I fail dismally.

It’s your fault.

But, Hey, keep them coming.



I’m now up and running on my new computer. And what a delight it is.

Having just spent the last couple of days transferring files and pics to this one, it’s nice to know that I’ve something reliable to work with.

Buying a new computer does come with a downside though. This one came bundled with a wireless keyboard and Mouse. These have now been consigned to the darkest cupboard, as they are the cheapest, badly designed, peripherals  I have come across in a long time.

The Mouse was the size of a football,compared to my old mouse, and the keys on the keyboard felt as if they were made from the inside of a swiss cheese.

One of my biggest problems was in setting up an Email programme for Mrs FE. As the ISP account holder it’s easy to set up my Email. however to set up my wife’s account is always a pain in the Arse. I find that she can send Emails, but not receive them. However I’ve now got that sorted.

Another problem is that at the moment I’m running with unsecured wiFi due to the inability of the onboard WiFi adapter to accept my Routers instructions. Apparently my Router is of a higher standard than the onboard WiFi can cope with.

That’s now sorted as a new wireless dongle plopped onto  the mat this morning. the WiFi was secure in minutes.

So now you get the chance to read at least another five years of my ridiculous posts. You have been warned.

Tied to the taliban

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand, selling ties.

The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie?
They are only $5."

The Taliban shouted, "Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"

"OK," said the old Jewish man, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom."

Cursing, the Taliban staggered away over the hill Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead & said, "Your f****** brother won't let me in without a tie!"