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Thursday 30 June 2011

How do you tell the difference between a British Police Officer, an Australian Police Officer and an American Police Officer?

Pose the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges.

You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot.

You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.  What do you do?


Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed? Is he asian or black or a muslim? 
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 999?
If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed when  he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself? ..
If I shoot him, and lose the court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home? Or prosecute me for racial abuse.


Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Dad! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?'

My God. My council has not boarded the Olympic Gravy train.

I’m shocked. Honesty in Government? Whatever next?

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to obtain information about how many tickets your organisation applied for and the total amount spent on tickets for the 2012 Olympics.

To outline my query as clearly as possible, I am requesting:

  1. The total number of tickets your organisation applied for
  2. The total amount paid for tickets (or amount outstanding if not yet paid)
  3. Please break this information down by event

My preferred format to receive this information is electronically, but if that is not possible I will gladly accept letters at the address below.

I would be grateful if you would acknowledge receipt of this request as soon as possible.

Kind regards

Mr Filthy Engineer

Filthy Towers


And the replies:

Dear Mr Filthy Engineer

Thank you for your email regarding the 2012 Olympics.

I have forwarded your email to the Freedom of Information department, in order that they can respond to your enquiry.

For further information regarding this enquiry please contact the department directly, their contact details are:-

Kind regards


Customer Service Advisor

Dear Mr Filthy Engineer

Thank you for your request for information.

I can confirm that Kent County Council has not applied for any London 2012 Olympic tickets so therefore there will be no cost to KCC.

Best regards

Laura Crawford

Access to Information Officer

Information Resilience & Transparency Team

Business Strategy & Support, Governance & Law

Kent County Council, Room B.48, Sessions House, County Road, Maidstone, ME14 1XQ

Telephone: 01622 694261, Internal: 7000 4261, Fax: 01622 696075