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Thursday, 30 June 2011

How do you tell the difference between a British Police Officer, an Australian Police Officer and an American Police Officer?

Pose the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges.

You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot.

You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.  What do you do?


Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed? Is he asian or black or a muslim? 
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 999?
If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed when  he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself? ..
If I shoot him, and lose the court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home? Or prosecute me for racial abuse.


Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Dad! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?'


  1. Captain Haddock30 June 2011 at 19:22

    7/10 Coroners interviewed by us, agreed that Winchester "Silver Tips" were consistently more effective than "PG Tips" at dropping armed lunatics ..

  2. Sad, but true.

    You could have also put "Do I call the community cohesion officer before making a decision?" for the British Police Officer, well probably.

  3. "You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot."

    Brit cop: Should I report myself as an armed fugitive while on civi street?

    Brit cop: "In which case who would kill me first, The Met. armed response unit or the clearly mad individual approaching in haste?

    Hmmmm! Decisions decisions.

  4. It took me more than "mere seconds" to read the first response, so I guess the British copper and all his family would now be bleeding to death...

  5. Thanks. You all had me laughing. Unfortunately so true.

  6. microdave;
    A British Copper can think all those things in the blink of an eye, much faster than you can read. Practice, practice, practice ...

  7. Not sure that American or Australian cops would appreciate the insinuation that they are trigger happy.

  8. what utter tosh, are you seriously suggesting that British cops dont kill people, De Menzies for a start.

    Get a brain eh!...all of you!

  9. I mean what the fuck do you jokers want, cops running around like Clint Eastwood on acid sticking their Colts up your brown eyes and making you whistle Dixie for their amusement, or clubing you to death for protesting..etc etc.

    A brain dead post with regressive brained comments, gawd help us!

    Cheerio! ;)

  10. There goes a man without a sense of humour.

  11. Filth,

    The sentiment of the weak "joke" is that Brit cops have one hand tied behind their backs by political correctness while other cops like the Americans dont, and the comments reflect that sentiment and you know it.

    Now go sit on the naughty step and think about what you`ve done boy!

    God bless!

  12. I haven't been called a boy for many a year. Makes me remember my youth.

  13. Looking back my comments they seem a tad er rude, they were meant to be tongue in cheek,I meant no offence please accept my apologies,you seem like a good chap Filthy.


  14. "Makes me remember my youth."

    But does the poor youth remember you? - I hope you didn't mistreat him....


  16. The defenders who shot first are "trigger happy"? Nonsense. As we all know, there's not a man in the room who would hesitate for a moment to fill the charging lunatic with a clip-full of hot lead. It's him or you, and he's the murderous attacker. Kill him.

  17. I am Stan said...

    what utter tosh, are you seriously suggesting that British cops dont kill people, De Menzies for a start.

    Get a brain eh!...all of you!

    Errmmm... would this chap "de Menzies" be the Scottish cousin of Jean Charles de Menezes, who was shot on 22 July 2005?

    If you are going to froth at the mouth about shootings by police, at least make it look like you are speaking with some degree of knowledge about the subject... :(

  18. damm straight...12 gauge shotgun, 308 semi auto, 308 single shot bolt action..bring it on..


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