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Thursday 31 May 2012

Security my Arse. It’s about control.

A while ago I wrote to my MP regarding the Governments latest security initiative of putting a bill through parliament to force service providers of telecommunications to record usage figures. Usage figures defined, whether E-mail, landline telephone, mobile phone, to record, when the call or email was made, where it was from, and who it was to.

My MP duly wrote back (In hard copy snail mail), that he had passed my concerns onto the Parliamentary under Secretary for Crime and Security.

Yesterday I received a reply back from my MP with a letter from the PuS for Crime and Security.

The letter was a classic in “political round the houses speak and not really tell you the truth”.

Firstly I take issue at this.


No it doesn’t include the what, but it means that the PTB can track every electronic move you make. What’s even more worrying is “Communications data is collected and securely stored by private sector communications industry providers”.

Eventually someone in one of those private companies is going to succumb to greed and sell the data on. Some company would love to know who you phone, email, who you shop with, where you are at any given time, etc. In other words they will be able to build a complete profile of you. That’s why I don’t have loyalty cards. Much to Mrs FE’s disgust. My life is private.

Oh no it’s not.

The same PUS then goes onto pontificating that we are protected under the Regulatory of Investigative Powers Act. (RIPA). Well we all know how that has been abused. Every man and his dog seems to be able to invade your home when ever they please under the flimsiest excuse.

Who can enter your property under RIPA

Just a few instances.

RIPA pic

Of course finally our PUS states that his duty is to protect the public from those who would like to kill us.


This last little paragraph intrigues me, where he writes “We wish to maintain  a capacity not increase it”. Maybe I’m stupid, but the very act of this bill if it is passed, will of course increase the capacity to spy on us.

Anyway. Don’t blame me if your door is kicked in, in the middle of the night because you sent an e mail to a hypnotist who was un-registered.

Bilderberg weekend coming up

Needless to say I’ve not been invited.

Tuesday 29 May 2012


It looks like another Blogger, Witterings from Witney is having a spot of bother from a post he wrote three years ago. Apparently a company is upset at the some of the content of that post.

I will reproduce one comment below which may be one reason why they have suddenly decided to take legal action so late in the day:

Anonymous said...

I also worked at Govnet and can vouch for all of the above statements. Ian Nally is a twisted, lonely and totally unpleasant individual.
Jo Walsh surrounds herself with two-faced 'luvvie darlings' and then picks them off one by one and makes them feel so inadequate that they either leave or are dismissed.
Ed Irving, the sales director has no balls, so Sharon Randawha (now Sharon Azam) takes the sales manager role. She delights in cruely taking the piss out of anyone. It's such an insestious company it's untrue - if you are not asked to stay for the cheese and biscuits after the rest of the office has left then you surely are not in the 'clique'
If you have to get a job there, make sure its only a stepping stone, there is no career for you here.

24 May 2012 14:18

*This blogger does not endorse the above comment. It is just there for illustration purposes*

In short they have hired a firm of solicitors to demand a redaction and fully apology for comments made.

Personally I think they may have made a rod for their own back. It’s now out in the Blogosphere.

As a well known Blogger said this morning.

I think they are about to learn not just about the Streisand Effect, but that bloggers are a pack. Not a herd.

Monday 28 May 2012

Cheap Flights.


The wife asked me what I was doing on the computer last night.
I told her I was looking for cheap flights.
"I love you!" she said, and then she got all excited,
That night we had the most amazing sex ever..........

Which is odd because she’s never shown an interest in darts before?

Saturday 26 May 2012

Smokers change their buying habits.


If the likes of ASH think that by putting the display of tobacco products behind shutters in supermarkets would deter smokers. I can tell you that it has actually had the perverse effect of making it quicker to buy those products.

Before shutterdayTM  as an example I would visit my local supermarket to buy a newspaper. Having picked it up I would head for the tobacco counter to pick up a packet of twenty ciggies. In front of me would be a couple of people buying tobacco and with small baskets of shopping which were processed at that counter. Delay five minutes.

In fact there is now less of a delay.

At the well known supermarket near my son’s house the behaviour of the supermarket and the tobacco buyer has changed. At that counter only tobacco products are processed. No baskets allowed. And that the trend of tobacco shoppers has changed to buying multiple packs.

Both times I’ve been there not one person has bought less than 100 at a time. Both times I was served by the same member of staff who knew intimately where each brand was situated behind the shutters.

So ASH if you thought you could inconvenience smokers, then I’m afraid you’ve actually made the buying experience BETTER.


Is there anyone else out there that is having a problem with Google Reader?

Since I got back from my son’s place I’ve been driven to distraction by that heap of shit.

It’s programmed to RSS feed me up to 100 bogs that I read daily. These are displayed  in chronological order, newest first. Normally I would get up in the morning and start reading down the list until I get to one I’ve already read.

Blogger has decided that I’m being far too pedantic and has deemed that I’m too slow.

I find that after, say ten minutes, without any action by me, it refreshes the page. Thus putting be back to the top of the scroll. I then have to scroll down for what seems for ever to get back to where I left off.

Anyone had the same? And if so is there a fix?

Is there another RSS reader I can use?

Friday 25 May 2012


Reasons to keep an open mind

"Man will never reach the moon regardless of all future scientific advances."

-- Dr. Lee DeForest, "Father of Radio & Grandfather of Television."

"The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives."

- - Admiral William Leahy , US Atomic Bomb Project

"There is no likelihood man can ever tap the power of the atom."

-- Robert Millikan, Nobel Prize in Physics, 1923

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."

-- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."

-- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year."

--The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957

"But what is it good for?"

-- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.

"640K ought to be enough for anybody."

-- Bill Gates, 1981

This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us,"

-- Western Union internal memo, 1876.

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"

-- David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible,"

-- A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper,"

--Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind."

"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make,"

-- Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out,"

-- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible,"

-- Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.

"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this,"

- - Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads.

"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy,"

-- Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.

"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau."

-- Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University , 1929.

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value,"

-- Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre , France .

"Everything that can be invented has been invented,"

-- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, US Office of Patents, 1899.

"The super computer is technologically impossible. It would take all of the water that flows over Niagara Falls to cool the heat generated by the number of vacuum tubes required."

-- Professor of Electrical Engineering, New York University

"I don't know what use any one could find for a machine that would make copies of documents. It certainly couldn't be a feasible business by itself."

-- the head of IBM, refusing to back the idea, forcing the inventor to found Xerox.

"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction."

-- Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse , 1872

"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon,"

-- Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."

-- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

Thursday 24 May 2012

OMG it’s nearly summer


The worst time of the year. Years and years ago Mrs FE conned me into buying a house with a huge garden. Mrs FE is a keen gardener.

She of course does the creative bits such as growing little plants in the greenhouse and carefully planting them out. Wonderful for her.

Of course the owner of this blog, me, has to carry out the more manly tasks.

I get the pleasure of cutting a 10 foot high, 300 foot long hedge on one side of the garden, and a fifty foot one on the other side. I spend a lot of my time as well, mowing the sodding lawn which with our climate of wet and dry, emulates the pampas of Argentina. Then there’s the Apple tree. This year there is an abundance of blossom which will mean a surfeit of apples. That means we will be infested with wasps, and those apples that are not eaten by said spawn of the devil will fall onto the verdantly mown grass. These are then hurled out of the mower causing your host to simulate an Irish jig to avoid serious ankle injuries.

Then there’s the painting to do on the outside of Chez FE. herself casually drops into the conversation that the barge boards are not looking too good and need a rub down and repaint. My immediate repost is, OK, up the ladder you go. That doesn’t work. just gets me banished to the living room sofa for a week.

Then there are the fences. Where there are no hedges there are fences. Now Mrs FE in her wisdom (Peace be upon her), has cultivated climbing plants to cover the panels. She will of course complain that the panels are in dire need of re-treatment. If I could get away with it I would spray plants and panels alike. However that would end up with me sleeping in the garden shed and not the living room sofa.

That’s the minor trauma dispensed with. This year is different.

The worst is. Wait for it. I HAVE TO MAKE A SPEECH.

My eldest daughter is getting married, and as father of the bride, I have to mouth platitudes, congratulate them, thank the attendees, and generally make a fool of myself. This fills me with a stark dread akin to jumping out of an aircraft and descending on a parachute. I’ve done that and believe you me, I’d rather do it without a parachute than make a Father of the Bride speech.

On the seventh of July I shall be standing up to explain why my daughter is so lucky to marry her sweetheart. Trouble is I have speechwriter block.


Engineering 101


engineering flowchart

* Still trying to learn Engineering 102*

Wednesday 23 May 2012

The Power of Beer


A man goes into a bar and drinks beer.  After every glass of beer he pulls a picture out of his pocket and looks at it. After the 4th  beer the waiter asks him why after every glass of  beer he pulls the picture out and looks at it.

Then the man says:  "It's a picture of my wife. When she looks good to me I'm going home."

That is an example of the "The Power of Beer"  Be sure to click where it says "click here" (That's the neat part.)

Beer goggles - click here

Tuesday 22 May 2012

I found it

Last night I was frustrated. I’d found out that the Co-Op had commissioned a report by Manchester University, on the subject of Shale gas. When I followed the link I was given, all that was to be found was the executive summary. What I wanted was the real facts and figures about the quantities that might be available. I searched this morning and have now found the whole document.

it was quite interesting as it gives proven natural gas reserves and a breakdown of Shale gas reserves.


Now to me 566 billion cubic meters to me is not to be sniffed at. And these are only onshore reserves.

And that is a lower estimate than Cuadrilla  Resources estimate. They put the amount of recoverable gas in their drilling area to be 1,132bcm.

Island Gas Limited have estimated that there maybe between 2.5bcm and 131bcm in their area.

Eden energy estimate a recoverable volume of 362bcm.

f you would like to read for yourself the article is here. However the article has been produced for a warming agenda.

Monday 21 May 2012


I wrote a post on Frakking yesterday. Interestingly the document I was looking at has been drastically reduced from 50 odd pages to 7. Something stinks. And it’s not the gas. This was from a well known warmist institution.

All the source material has disappeared. All there is, is an executive summary. However all is not lost.

All hail google cache.

Sleep well.

Mundane Monday

A sure fire way to get out of jury duty is to say "yes I will be delighted to attend. What’s the bastard done, anyway?!!!"

It is such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its £5/min (charges may vary).

I got stopped in the street outside Boots today by a woman with a clipboard asking "What products do I use for grooming?" She was a bit taken aback when I replied, "Facebook".

I just booked a table for me and the wife for the evening of our Wedding Anniversary. It’s bound to end in tears though- she's crap at pool.

I met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new taser!

I got a new Jack Russell puppy today. He's mainly black and brown with just a small white area - so I've called him Bradford.

They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is going to shift this beer belly.

I’ve just watched a documentary about children being beaten and abused in Indian sweatshops. Then I looked at the quality of the stitching on my new trainers ..... I think the little shits deserved it!

Sunday 20 May 2012

I don’t frakking understand.

According to the Independent Newspaper, frakking for Shale gas has been turned down by the Government.

The Government has rejected shale gas technology as a solution to Britain's energy crisis, conceding it will do little to cut bills or keep the lights on.

However the reverse statement was made by Reuters that the Government had given the Green light  for shale gas extraction.

(Reuters) - The government on Tuesday (17th May 2012) backed the exploration of shale gas nearly one year after it temporarily banned the drilling method which triggered two earthquakes in Britain but that has also revolutionised the U.S. energy market.

Who to believe?

Estimates of Total UK Shale Reserve Potential
In terms of shale gas potential, according to the British Geological Survey (BGS)26, the UK has abundant shales at depth but their distribution is not well known. BGS and the UK Department of Energy and Climate Change (DECC) published the report Unconventional Hydrocarbon Resources of Britain’s Onshore Basins - Shale Gas in December 2010. Making some assumptions and applying analogies with similar producing shale gas plays in America, BGS estimated the UK shale gas reserve potential at 150bcm. The report identified significant potential areas in northern England, including the Widmerpool Gulf near Nottingham and a large area centred on the Elswick Gasfield, near Blackpool.

And there are other reserves not mentioned.

Australia-based energy company Eden Energy said this week that a study of some of its UK exploration licenses in south Wales shows they could hold 12.8 trillion cubic feet of recoverable shale gas reserves (362 billion cubic meters).


Oh and Kent, Surrey, and Sussex have Shale formations. And of course offshore as well..

If there is indeed such a supply of cheap natural gas available and the government is trying to block the production of this resource, then I would suggest you contact your MP and get him to ask. Why?

Saturday 19 May 2012

Home sweet home


I’ve just spent the week up at my son’s house. The reason being was that he was due for another three day course of radiotherapy. The radiotherapy is the easiest part of the affair, except for the three days of boredom he suffers from being in isolation during it. The biggest problem is that he has to go off his Thyroid medication which leaves him exhausted and somewhat confused at times. Quite rightly he takes the sensible decision that driving would be stupid, and therefore I disappear up there to do the driving for him.

However I digress from the point I was going to make. My son brought up the fact that what most cheered him up after leaving hospital for his home, was the freedom  living in your own home gives you. You make the rules. (Except in my case, Mrs FE. Or so she thinks. Why else do I send her out to work in the week?).

Your home at present is pretty free from government control at the moment (Although the Tobacco control industry have ideas on that one), and so it should remain. In my home I can get up when I want, wear what I want, eat what I want, drink what I want, set the thermostat at what temperature I want, decorate it how I want, Beat the wife when I want etc, etc,etc.

It’s the last bastion of freedom in this benighted country of ours. Consider if you will, how the rules change once you set foot of your own property.

Surveillance, petty officialdom, no smoking in public places, harassed for taking pictures in a public space, etc. You know the score. In fact add your pet favourite in the comments and I’ll write a post about some of them.

Home sweet Home


Friday 18 May 2012

Bloody computers

A while ago I decided to drag out my reserve computer. The laptop.

I noticed that there was 84 security updated from Microsoft pending, and being a gullible, but trusting fool, decided to download them. Now that was a mistake too far. As any of you who have windows know, once they’re downloaded you are asked to shut down the computer in order for them to take effect.
So I did and the machine shut down and then restarted. Followed shortly with the message “Windows is installing new updates” Great.

Well, not really. That same message was still being displayed after 42 hours. Didn’t matter how I rebooted the laptop the same still happened. Nothing I tried would persuade this piece of devil’s spawn from doing anything else.

Solution. Reload the operating system, in this case Windows 7.

Now you have two options when installing windows 7. Clean install, or Upgrade. Clean install is more efficient but you lose all your data. Upgrade will keep your data but not as efficient at operating.
Upgrade was the chosen option in this case and after several hours of hard drive working, the classical message of “Installation complete, windows needs to shut down and restart for completion”. (Or some such).
So be it. That’s how you carry out an upgrade install.


What did I see on my desktop? Nothing but a recycle bin!
Everything gone.

Now I do have a back up of important documents, so that wasn’t a problem, but the lack of word processor and other useful programmes is a bit of a handicap.

So I thought I would just download Open Office, Anti Virus software, and anything else I would need.

Wrong again.

No WiFi.


After a lot of asking around I managed to download by using the desktop computer, a programme that might, or might not, be able to get the wiFi operating on the laptop.

Now of course you’re expecting a tale of woe in that it didn’t work. Much to my amazement it did work.

However I have another dilemma. At the moment I’m at my son’s place having just helped him break out of his prison cell Isolation ward. I installed Ubuntu as a second operating system some while ago and want to get rid of it as this laptop is running out of available space. Having looked at all the online articles about ,removing said programme I think I’ll play safe and wait till I’m within striking distance of my Windows seven disk. As they say. Once bitten twice shy.

Tomorrow I go home.

Thursday 17 May 2012

Wednesday 16 May 2012

The Myth of Second Hand Smoke

narrative from a surgeon.

The Surgeon General also stated that 49,000 deaths per year were caused by second hand smoke. As a surgeon, I was stunned, because I had never seen an autopsy report listing second hand smoke as the cause of death. Nor had I seen this as a secondary cause of death. So I asked six pathologists if they had ever listed second hand smoke as a cause of death – not one had. In my years of clinical practice, I have seen patients die from many devastating diseases, and yet I have never seen anyone who has been disabled by, or has died as a result of, second hand smoke. This was my first clue that perhaps there was more hyperbole than science involved in the reports issuing from the Surgeon General’s Office. To give a contrast: 33,000 people die per year of pancreatic cancer – all of the pathologists have listed pancreatic cancer as a cause of death.

And he continues.

If second hand smoke exposure is a significant risk factor for developing lung cancer, then we should expect to see increased numbers of cancer cases in non-smokers who are exposed to regular doses of second hand smoke. Has there been an increase in the incidence of lung cancer among non-smokers over the last 40 years? The answer is quite simply… No. 

Why is it that our health minister never gets to see articles like this? Instead they get fed a diet of obfuscation from the tobacco control industry, with words like maybe, could, it is thought, etc.

Personally, I think that the average minister in Government and their sycophantic senior civil servants are as thick as pig shit. No wonder no-one votes anymore. how many  MPs have held down a real job before

Would it not be more fitting if a government minister had some relevant experience to his job. Take our so called health minister.

Born in Hornchurch, Essex, Lansley was educated at Brentwood School and the University of Exeter, gaining a BA in politics. During his time at Exeter University, Lansley was elected as President of the Guild of Students (Student Union), as a Broad Left candidate.

It’s interesting in the above paragraph that he was a “Broad Left” candidate. we all know how the left love control.

In short, would it not be a prerequisite that ministers have to be qualified in a discipline to match their brief?

the Prime Minister must have run a multi million company.

The chancellor of the exchequer must have operated in the financial markets.

The Minister of defence must have actually served in the armed forces

The Minister for overseas aid should have been an ambassador to some shithole of a country.

Bye now I hope you’ve got the gist of my argument.

It all boils down to the fact the country is being run by people that are completely out of their depth. And it’s not going to get better in the short, medium, or long term.

You and me are screwed.

Tuesday 15 May 2012

Day two of his incarceration.


The young man enters the room followed by the grizzled old man and Miss P, and looks at where he will be confined.

The austere, cream covered walls are lined, high up at one end’ with a plethora of electrical sockets and various unknown equipment. Taking up most of the room is an iron bedstead made up with well used linen. Bearing in mind the reason for his incarceration there is an on suite bathroom suitable for disabled access, although the young man is not disabled, just weak from what he has had to deprive himself of in the last few weeks.

within minutes a middle aged woman enters the room and sets out various terms and conditions for the young man and his two companions. The young man is warned that he will be incarcerated for an indeterminate period and will only be allowed out of the facility when he is no longer a danger to the general public. His two companions are informed that during visiting hours they will be limited to 30 minutes only, and no longer. Thus ends day two.

Question time for my regular readers;

Q1: who is the young man?

Q2: Who is the grizzled old man/

Q3: Who is the mysterious miss P?

Q4: Why the reason for the incarceration?

to be continued……………

One man knows, and his name is Dave Wheeler.

*That will really confuse you*

Good parking

just an interim post. Don’t laugh at the poetic justice.

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Wardens funeral, a voice from inside screams "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"

The Vicar smiles, leans forward  sucking air through his teeth and mutters.....

"Too fucking late pal, the paperwork's already done"

Monday 14 May 2012

Day one of his incarceration. the sequel.


It all started on an overcast and drizzly evening. The old grizzled man and Miss P were escorting the tall young man along a poorly lit corridor where the occasional flickering fluorescent light cast strangely disturbing shadows. Was it their imagination, or was that a fleeting glimpse of a shadowy figure that they never actually saw directly?

Progress was slow as the young man had had his medication withdrawn, some weeks before, and a weariness had set in. However a wan smile was often noticed by,his two guardians on several occasions on that walk. Could that be, they surmised, that he was savouring his recently last substantial, and nourishing meal, before the uncertainty of the of the quality and quantity food he would have to attempt to pretend he enjoyed, during this incarceration?

Eventually they arrived at the door of his place of incarceration, and after looking apprehensibly at each other opened the door……….

Cranmer v ASA.

I posted just the other day about Cranmer, a religious blogger with a sense of humour who is being “investigated” by the Advertising Standards Authority about an advert on his blog.

Here his reply to them.

ASA – His Grace responds

i wonder what they’ll make of it. Po faced twats

Sunday 13 May 2012

be careful lobbing at the green

Guess what happens?

Bet you didn’t guess correctly. Me neither.

Book Report - Priceless

Students  at a local school were assigned to read two books,  'Titanic' & 'My Life' by Bill  Clinton.



One  student turned in the following book report, with the  proposition that they were nearly identical stories!

His cool professor gave him an A+ for this  report

Titanic:        cost -  $29.99
Clinton:       cost -  $29.99

Titanic:        Over 3  hours to  read
Clinton:       Over 3  hours to read

Titanic:        The story of  Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent  catastrophe.
Clinton:       The  story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden  love,  and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic:        Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton:       Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic:        In one scene,  Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton:       Ditto  for Bill.

Titanic:        During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton:       Ditto for  Monica.

Titanic:        Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton:       Let's not go there.

Titanic:        Rose gets to keep her jewellery
Clinton:       Monica is  forced to return her gifts.

Titanic:        Rose  remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton:       Clinton remembers  Monica for the rest of his life.

Titanic:        Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton:       Monica...ooh, let's not go there,  either.

Titanic:        Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton:       Bill goes  home to Hilary - basically the same thing.

Saturday 12 May 2012

Skoolteechrz and Their chilldrn

I think Miss P, a teacher I know, will most certainly agree with the vid below. Although this is an American video I suspect many British teachers quietly harbour the same sentiments

Come on teachers. tell me it isn’t true. Tell me that school children and their parents are paragons of virtue. I dare you.

Friday 11 May 2012

ASA v The Archbishop.

From the Archbishop’s website. He’s been asked to withdraw the advertisement below by the Advertising Standards Authority. In the interest to the general public, I reproduce it below. After all it’s my civic duty to report such a heinous crime

Apparently there have been a number of complaints about one of the advertisements His Grace carried on behalf of the Coalition for Marriage. He has been sent all manner of official papers, formal documentation and threatening notices which demand answers to sundry questions by a certain deadline. He is instructed by the ‘Investigations Executive’ of this inquisition to keep all this confidential.

Since His Grace does not dwell in Iran, North Korea, Soviet Russia, Communist China or Nazi Germany, but occupies a place in the cyber-ether suspended somewhere between purgatory and paradise, he is minded to ignore that request. Who do these people think they are?


I really fail to see the offence in his post. That’s why I’m posting it so others can see for themselves what a useless organisation the ASA has become.

I am a solution to your problem in old age.

Worried your pension will run short?

So you're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you - what do you do?

Senior Health Care Solution

Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets.
You are allowed to shoot 2 MPs and 2 illegal immigrants!
Of course, this means you will be sent to prison, where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and all the health care you need!

New teeth? - No problem.

Need glasses? - Great.

New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart?

All covered.
(And your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now).

And who will be paying for all of this?
The same government that just told you that you they cannot afford for you to go into a home.

Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay income tax any more.


No wonder the rest of the world’s population can’t get here fast enough!

Terms and conditions:

This is a limited offer only. This offer only applies to the first 325 applicants due to the fact that MPs’ will have passed their kill sell by date. Illegal immigrants cannot be shot in Lieu. Applicants should apply to TheFilthyengineerripyouoffscam

Alternatively phone 060705049995 and be ripped of in thousands of pounds of call charges.

Thursday 10 May 2012

SHS. The truth

Penn & Teller debunk the myth that second smoke kills.

In this video we have Joe Cherner, the rabid antismoking zealot, using every facetious argument in the book as why smokers should be banned from nearly everywhere. It’s almost a religion for him.

He even admits he doesn’t understand the science. Tosspot.

He makes Deborah Arnott from ASH look like a nun, in comparison

Wednesday 9 May 2012

The Bexley one is free.

I’m glad to see that Olly Cromwell, the Blogger from Bexley has not been incarcerated under section 127 of the communications act.

He has however been sentenced to 80 hours community service, £620 of costs awarded against him, and a watered down restraining order.

On 13 April 2012, Cromwell was convicted under section 127 of the Communications Act 2003 for sending two tweets about Bexley Council, one of which contained a profanity (c***) and a photograph.  Previously, Cromwell had been charged with harassment and incitement to commit criminal damage, but those charges were dropped on the basis that there was no evidence and the Prosecution was misconceived.

Despite the Prosecution proposing a custodial sentence, the District Judge decided that Cromwell should receive 80 hours unpaid work. A restraining order was imposed, but vastly reduced from the widely drafted and very restricted order sought by Bexley Council.  Notwithstanding his conviction we secured a full costs order for the harassment charge which was thrown out.

That’s what you get when you challenge your council.

George Orwell would be so proud..

The full account is here at Malcolm Knight’s Blog



DAVID CAMERON was visiting a Scottish primary school and he visited one of the classes.  They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.  The teacher asked Mr Cameron if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy'.  So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.

A little boy stood up and offered:  “If ma best freen, wha lives on a fairm, is playin' in the field an' a tractor rins ower him and kills him, that wid be a tragedy.”

“No,” said David, “that would be an accident.”

A little girl raised her hand:  “If a skale bus kerryin' fufty children drove ower a cliff, killing a'b'dy inside, that wid be a tragedy.”

“I'm afraid not”, explained David, “that's what we would call a great loss.” 

The room went silent.  No other children volunteered.  David searched the room.  “Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?” 

Finally, at the back of the room, wee Johnny raised his hand.  In a quiet voice he said:  “If a plane kerryin' you and Mr.Clegg wis struck by a freendly fire missile an' blawn tae smithereens, that wid be a tragedy.”

“Fantastic!” exclaimed David, “That's right.  And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?”

“Weel,” says wee Johnny “it his tae be a tragedy, because it certainly widnae be a great loss..... and it probably widnae be a f***ing accident either!”

Dirty mind?


Tuesday 8 May 2012

Who’s correct?

I was watching the BBC six o’clock news to night and listened to the presenter who covered the story of the grooming and rape of young girls. It was like squeezing blood out of a stone before she would admit that they were of asian origin.

Seems bloody obvious to me.

grooming 8

Nor did the reporter dare say that they would most probably be adherents of the Religion of Peace hate.

After all they don’t appear to follow chinese, buddhist, or sikh, religions by the look of them. (And their names don’t imply it either).

It struck me about the whole piece, that the Beeb’s scared shitless about criticising that particular religious mind-set.

I suspect that these scum who may, or may not be a minority of muslims in the country, probably  adhere to this.

Throughout the Muslim world, women are treated as second-class citizens who are inferior to men in terms of intelligence, morals, and faith. This arrangement derives from the Qur'an itself, which states unambiguously: “Men have authority over women because God has made the one superior to the other” (Qur'an 4:34).
The Qur'an likens a woman to a field (tilth), to be used by a man as he wills: “Your women are a tilth for you [to cultivate], so go to your tilth as ye will” (2:223). Such a view is consistent with the teachings of the prophet Muhammad, who emphasized that women were little more than possessions of, and objects of sexual pleasure for, their husbands: “The husband is only obliged to support his wife when she gives herself to him or offers to, meaning she allows him full enjoyment of her person and does not refuse him sex at any time of the night or day.”

Now, to get back to the Beeb’s article they were at great pains to play down that this religious sect was in anyway more prodigious in these crimes than any other group.

What had me pricking my ears up was when the journo stated that only 25% of these crimes were committed by “asians” (I’m not ruling out chinese, indians, etc, completely), but it appears to me every time one of these cases comes up, they are always of the same sub group.

So this group which makes up 5% of the population, in my mind carries out a disproportionate number of attacks on women.

When I look elsewhere I find this.

Of 68 recent convictions for on-street grooming, 59 were of British Pakistani men.

Doesn’t look like 25%, does it?

Make up your own mind. Who’s telling the truth? And why are we kowtowing to a religion that hates us.

Nothing too much trouble


Production Notes from the land of "Nothing is too much trouble for those with too much time!":

11,008 photographs were taken for the film.

3,184 photographs made the final cut.

80 Rubik’s Cubes were hired for the shoot.

10 hours to animate 18 frames of the Rubik’s Cube equaliser.

148 Subbuteo men hired for the shoot.

99 Red Balloons by Nena is the vinyl record in the opening sequence.

7 Hungry Hippos were harmed during the making of the film.

160 pick-up sticks are equalised.

1 John Hunt Little Champion Pie Machine was used as the record press.

4 hours to shoot the hungry hippos being minced.

12 photographs per second appear in the film.

6 hours to plan and shoot the camera dolly in on the minced Subbuteo.

32 days were spent animating.

I wouldn’t have the patience or the dexterity. Mind you the chopping bits looked fun.

French Fun


french toast

Monday 7 May 2012

A bit of culture.

In April 2012 Copenhagen Phil (Sjællands Symfoniorkester) surprised the passengers in the Copenhagen Metro by playing Griegs Peer Gynt. The flash mob was created in collaboration with Radio Klassisk All music was performed and recorded in the metro.

Sunday 6 May 2012

I’m doing my bit to save us from the drought.


However I’m contributing more CO2 to the atmosphere, (As if I care) by not having one of those new fangled condensing boilers (NFCB). Now my old fashioned boiler (Nearly new, due to getting it fitted before the diktat came in from the government, that you had to fit condensing crap), works by heating my water and storing it in an insulated tank. Works for me, as throughout the day I have hot water on tap. (Boiler on for one hour morning and early evening, with half hour top up at midday). (From what I’ve read and heard, most new installations do not have hot water cylinders. Why not?)

If you have a NFCB system that’s fitted now it’s akin to having one of those old fashioned Ascot boilers that just supplied hot water on demand.


Remember them? From turning on the tap it took forever to get a decent temperature hot water.

Well the new condensing boilers as fitted to my son’s and eldest daughter’s houses are modern day clones.

To do the washing up just now in my abode it only took about a fifth of a gallon at the most  in order for me to have piping hot water entering my washing up bowl. (I do the washing up, her indoors knows her place and does the ironing) 

At my son’s house it takes for ever and at least three gallons before just tepid water issues from the tap. Five minutes later if you need to refill the washing up bowl, you have to go through the whole rigmarole again, FFS.

Did TPTB envisage this when they decided to meddle in things they don’t understand, all in the name of preventing the utter twaddle of man made global warming?

No wonder we have a water shortage if we use at least fifteen times as much water before it is hot enough to usefully use.

Wankers. (In my time as an engineer they were known as “non technical terrorists”)

Sunday silliness


1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you've got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend... But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
And an all time favorite-
34 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

H/T to Theo

Saturday 5 May 2012

Chicken farming.


Well not quite.

A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes..

The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What’s your occupation?"

"I'm a prostitute," she says.

The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, " Let's try to rephrase that."

The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl".

"No, that still won't work. Try again."

They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer."

The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?"

"Well, I raised a thousand cocks last year."

"Chicken Farmer it is."

Friday 4 May 2012

Your corner shop - 2020

Imagine shopping where everything looks the same?

This is a warning that even if you don't smoke and think smokers deserve to be treated in this manner, then think again. Like beer and chocolate? Then you're next.

Oh and don't put salt on your chips.

Australian tourist board answers your questions


These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (   UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A:Depends how much you've been drinking.

I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of  Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do...

Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is 
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?

Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from..
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

Dedicated to the Angry Exile

Thursday 3 May 2012

The silent majority


To   David Cameron (Prime Minister) & Ed  Milliband (Leader of the Opposition)  ...

You BOTH Worry me ! ( In fact both of  your Political parties worry the hell out of me  !!!)

Over the last three years, I find  myself becoming more and more fearful of the  pair of you, and between you, you are turning  this country into a place that I no longer feel  at home in, or feel a part of! I watch you in  parliament, and no, not just the two of you, but  every politician that I see, stand up in  parliament sneering at each other, and acting  like children !!! (..and if you were my  children, I would be ashamed of you all ... What  an example to set!)

Although you would  like us all to believe that you are putting the  needs of this country at the forefront, NEITHER  of you are doing that, you seem more interested  in "one-up-manship ", in scoring off each  other,  & denigrating each other, to  the detriment of this country & its people  !!!
It seems to be all about  YOU as individuals, and not about what you can  DO for this country !

It is fast becoming a  place that I do not recognize, as the place I  always thought, was the best place in the world  to be !!!
But no longer !!!

You  are not listening to the people of this country  !!!
And here in Great Britain , your   counterparts are afflicted with the same disease  - is it endemic in all politicians ?

I am  watching the deterioration of living standards  in this country, (and according to you, on a  world stage we are doing better than most  countries ... REALLY ???) ... And yet the gap is  widening between the "haves"  and the  "have-nots" .  I see our homeless on the  streets, our hospitals under-funded,  and  understaffed, our health system is an absolute  mess and a disgrace ... And yet I see  multi-millions of dollars being sent off shore,  in aid to other countries, before attending to  this country's needs !

I see the "selling  off of water rights to foreign interests,   WHY...?
Especially when you go  to great lengths to tell us that water is a  finite resource, & supposedly,  we must  ALL be careful with how we use it, so that we  ensure we have it for the future ?

A  Carbon Tax,( which you KNOW  is just  another tax )  which will make NO  appreciable difference, to carbon emissions, AT  ALL!
A tax,  which in spite of all  your arguments FOR it, you are doing alone, when  other major countries will NOT & DO NOT  embrace it, or believe in it   !
All that it will do for  this country is put working families and small  businesses behind the eight ball, .....what  planet are you on, if you think that your few  hundred pounds a year,  will make  even a scrap of difference to the effect of the  carbon tax on people ?Anyone can see the holes in  that argument !!! Do you really think we  are  that dumb ???

Let's talk about  Multiculturalism ......People have come here  from other countries, for a better life, for  more years than I have been alive  ( I am  63 years old !)  ......
Pre & Post war  immigrants came for a better life, and settled  in and became wonderful contributors to this  country, ... all have contributed to the rich  diversity of this country, and some descendants  have even fought FOR this country, and they have  become U.K.citizens and were glad to be  ..and they had NO handouts from our Government  either, ...they worked hard for  everything!
I have never before had a  problem with all, or any, race of  immigrants  coming here  ...
......However , I DO NOW  !!!
Please tell me why we have   areas in towns and on large estates all over the  country , where police do NOT,  & will  NOT go, for fear of their life ?

Please tell  me why we can no longer have religion in  schools, for fear of "OFFENDING" someone ? (The  latest little gem is that they are not having,  or being funded, for  "chaplains " any more  , but "Counsellors "?)

Please tell me why  religious Christmas observances are no longer  allowed in some schools for fear of OFFENDING  someone ?

Please tell me HOW Christmas  decorations in some stores might OFFEND someone  ?

Please tell me why we have to have  segregated days in some swimming centres, for  fear of "OFFENDING" someone ?

Please tell me  why we have some RADICAL clerics demanding  Sharia Law in this country ... when if we were  in THEIR country, this would NEVER be allowed  ?

Please tell me why our laws need to be  changed, so as not to OFFEND someone ?

Please  tell me why we are fast becoming a MINORITY  voice, in our own country, because of POLITICAL  CORRECTNESS ?

Please tell me WHY   Britains  cannot legally wear a face  covering bike helmet into a bank ..and yet it is  ok to wear a Burqa which covers the whole face  ?

And please tell me WHY, when those people  who want asylum here, can wreck our detention  centres,  and STILL be accepted here  ?

What does that say, about just  who and what are this government's priorities  ?

The British people that I speak to have  genuine concerns about becoming a second class  minority in our own country, and the reasons for  it,  are some of the above,  ..... Are  you so blind that you cannot see this  ?

And no , I am NOT racist !!!..(if I did  not like Catholics or Protestants would I be  considered racist ?) Of course not !
Why  is it, that if we object to what is happening in  our country ... we are immediately labelled  RACIST, in an attempt to shut us up ?

We  are fighting Radical Muslims, in Afghanistan   & Iraq , are we not ?I hear you say, yes but  the Muslims we have here are "Not like that " ..  well how would we know ? we hear ANY of  them coming out & speaking AGAINST radicals  ??  I haven't ....have you ???

Islam  is not compatible with ANY of the values that we  hold here in Britain ! .....Are not the  experiences of  France , and the  Netherlands an example of that?   Why  do you think it would be any different here  ?  We even have a British born "radical ",  whose message is that Britain WILL become a  Muslim country, under Sharia Law, & that we  had "better get used to it "
Will both  of you grow some "Balls ", and start sticking up  for this country and its people ???

We  are the people who put you where you are, and  PAY you to look after our interests ! ... And  you are NOT doing that, by any stretch of the  imagination !!!

I would appreciate an  answer, from both of you, if only to convince me  that once again, I am not talking to a brick  wall !!!!!
In case it has escaped both of  you ...I would like to remind you that, in the  U.K. Government ... is FOR THE PEOPLE, OF THE  PEOPLE,  & BY THE PEOPLE ...
never  forget that......because you sure have up till  now  !!!

*Then again you could go fuck yourselves*

Voting Today?

Political plain packaging.

Political plain packaging

H/T to The Boiling Frog

Wednesday 2 May 2012

I’m staying out of Sussex.


Notwithstanding that the police look like stormtroopers these days rather than public servants. Now they want to be better armed.

Tasers are to be used by a further 160 police officers across Sussex, it has been revealed.

Currently only Sussex Police firearms officers use the stun guns but response teams will also use them from October.

Ch Supt Paul Morrison said the move would give the force more options in deploying staff and officers would receive appropriate training.

We’ve all heard about “appropriate training” before. It never seems to address the problems. One bit of training that should be paramount is that the Taser should be used against a volunteer. I E. the Officer that is being trained to use it. That Officer would then realise what it’s like to be hit by 50,000 volts. (I’ve been hit by 440 volts and I can tell you. It fucking hurts). 

They also need to realise that the taser is not a toy that can be fired at anyone.

But the American Heart Association's premier journal, Circulation, published an article online Monday that examined eight cases involving the TASER X26 ECD. Seven of the people died.

Dr. Douglas Zipes, of Indiana University's Krannert Institute of Cardiology, found that a shock from the Taser "can cause cardiac electric capture and provoke cardiac arrest" as a result of an abnormally rapid heart rate and uncontrolled, fluttering contractions.

Mind you my local police are far to busy. It took six officers, in three cars to investigate one fallen tree, blocking my road, on monday.

Someone, somewhere in the UK is going to die from one of these devices. It could be you on a friday night after an altercation with a stormtrooper police officer.

Moral of the story: Byepass Sussex.

The Arrogance of Authority



A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher.
He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !"

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.

"See this f*****g badge?!  This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !!
No questions asked or answers given!!  Have I made myself you understand ?!!"

The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......


With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety.  The officer was clearly terrified.
The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....

(I just love this part....)


"Your badge, show him your f*****g BADGE........ ! !"

Tuesday 1 May 2012

I thought science was settled on climate change.

Obviously not warmists. I think this little snippet will further your downfall.

WASHINGTON, May 1 (UPI) -- A 10-year research plan outlined by the White House will focus on how human economic activity influences climate change, the administration said.

The White House said it formalized a 10-year strategic plan for the U.S. Global Change Research Program. The plan will focus on the relationship between human economic activity and global climate change.

So all you warmist twats who disagree with us sceptics, just look to your consciences.