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Monday 21 May 2012

Mundane Monday

A sure fire way to get out of jury duty is to say "yes I will be delighted to attend. What’s the bastard done, anyway?!!!"

It is such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its £5/min (charges may vary).

I got stopped in the street outside Boots today by a woman with a clipboard asking "What products do I use for grooming?" She was a bit taken aback when I replied, "Facebook".

I just booked a table for me and the wife for the evening of our Wedding Anniversary. It’s bound to end in tears though- she's crap at pool.

I met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new taser!

I got a new Jack Russell puppy today. He's mainly black and brown with just a small white area - so I've called him Bradford.

They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is going to shift this beer belly.

I’ve just watched a documentary about children being beaten and abused in Indian sweatshops. Then I looked at the quality of the stitching on my new trainers ..... I think the little shits deserved it!

1 comment:

  1. Captain Haddock22 May 2012 at 09:29

    "A sure fire way to get out of jury duty is to say "yes I will be delighted to attend. What’s the bastard done, anyway?!!!"

    Ahhh .. as Major J.L., one of my former Company Commanders, was fond of saying at his Orderly Room .. "March the guilty bastard in Sarn't Major" .. ;)

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