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Saturday 28 February 2009

Phillip Pullman and the loss of liberty

I thought I'd post it here.

Why did the times remove it? Were they leaned on?

Are such things done on Albion’s shore?

The image of this nation that haunts me most powerfully is that of the sleeping giant Albion in William Blake’s prophetic books. Sleep, profound and inveterate slumber: that is the condition of Britain today.

We do not know what is happening to us. In the world outside, great events take place, great figures move and act, great matters unfold, and this nation of Albion murmurs and stirs while malevolent voices whisper in the darkness - the voices of the new laws that are silently strangling the old freedoms the nation still dreams it enjoys.

We are so fast asleep that we don’t know who we are any more. Are we English? Scottish? Welsh? British? More than one of them? One but not another? Are we a Christian nation - after all we have an Established Church - or are we something post-Christian? Are we a secular state? Are we a multifaith state? Are we anything we can all agree on and feel proud of?

The new laws whisper:

You don’t know who you are

You’re mistaken about yourself

We know better than you do what you consist of, what labels apply to you, which facts about you are important and which are worthless

We do not believe you can be trusted to know these things, so we shall know them for you

And if we take against you, we shall remove from your possession the only proof we shall allow to be recognised

The sleeping nation dreams it has the freedom to speak its mind. It fantasises about making tyrants cringe with the bluff bold vigour of its ancient right to express its opinions in the street. This is what the new laws say about that:

Expressing an opinion is a dangerous activity

Whatever your opinions are, we don’t want to hear them

So if you threaten us or our friends with your opinions we shall treat you like the rabble you are

And we do not want to hear you arguing about it

So hold your tongue and forget about protesting

What we want from you is acquiescence

The nation dreams it is a democratic state where the laws were made by freely elected representatives who were answerable to the people. It used to be such a nation once, it dreams, so it must be that nation still. It is a sweet dream.

You are not to be trusted with laws

So we shall put ourselves out of your reach

We shall put ourselves beyond your amendment or abolition

You do not need to argue about any changes we make, or to debate them, or to send your representatives to vote against them

You do not need to hold us to account

You think you will get what you want from an inquiry?

Who do you think you are?

What sort of fools do you think we are?

The nation’s dreams are troubled, sometimes; dim rumours reach our sleeping ears, rumours that all is not well in the administration of justice; but an ancient spell murmurs through our somnolence, and we remember that the courts are bound to seek the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, and we turn over and sleep soundly again.

And the new laws whisper:

We do not want to hear you talking about truth

Truth is a friend of yours, not a friend of ours

We have a better friend called hearsay, who is a witness we can always rely on

We do not want to hear you talking about innocence

Innocent means guilty of things not yet done

We do not want to hear you talking about the right to silence

You need to be told what silence means: it means guilt

We do not want to hear you talking about justice

Justice is whatever we want to do to you

And nothing else

Are we conscious of being watched, as we sleep? Are we aware of an ever-open eye at the corner of every street, of a watching presence in the very keyboards we type our messages on? The new laws don’t mind if we are. They don’t think we care about it.

We want to watch you day and night

We think you are abject enough to feel safe when we watch you

We can see you have lost all sense of what is proper to a free people

We can see you have abandoned modesty

Some of our friends have seen to that

They have arranged for you to find modesty contemptible

In a thousand ways they have led you to think that whoever does not want to be watched must have something shameful to hide

We want you to feel that solitude is frightening and unnatural

We want you to feel that being watched is the natural state of things

One of the pleasant fantasies that consoles us in our sleep is that we are a sovereign nation, and safe within our borders. This is what the new laws say about that:

We know who our friends are

And when our friends want to have words with one of you

We shall make it easy for them to take you away to a country where you will learn that you have more fingernails than you need

It will be no use bleating that you know of no offence you have committed under British law

It is for us to know what your offence is

Angering our friends is an offence

It is inconceivable to me that a waking nation in the full consciousness of its freedom would have allowed its government to pass such laws as the Protection from Harassment Act (1997), the Crime and Disorder Act (1998), the Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act (2000), the Terrorism Act (2000), the Criminal Justice and Police Act (2001), the Anti-Terrorism, Crime and Security Act (2001), the Regulation of Investigatory Powers Extension Act (2002), the Criminal Justice Act (2003), the Extradition Act (2003), the Anti-Social Behaviour Act (2003), the Domestic Violence, Crime and Victims Act (2004), the Civil Contingencies Act (2004), the Prevention of Terrorism Act (2005), the Inquiries Act (2005), the Serious Organised Crime and Police Act (2005), not to mention a host of pending legislation such as the Identity Cards Bill, the Coroners and Justice Bill, and the Legislative and Regulatory Reform Bill.


And those laws say:

Sleep, you stinking cowards

Sweating as you dream of rights and freedoms

Freedom is too hard for you

We shall decide what freedom is

Sleep, you vermin

Sleep, you scum


Sometimes, we all see something so incredibly cruel, so incredibly heart-wrenching that we feel that it’s our duty to step in and right wrongs.

Pink Ferrari Enzo

Enzo Ferrari, named after the company's founder

Only 400 of these beautiful cars were ever produced. Ever. So hands up who thinks that some guy’s wife got this out of the divorce and broke his heart by painting that gorgeous car that disgusting, revolting colour?

Thursday 26 February 2009

An open letter to Gordon, saviour of the world. Peace be upon us.

I saw this open letter calling on the Scottish, one eyed , idiot to resign, a few days ago.

The author has now started a petition to get him to resign. I've signed, why don't you? It would be interesting to say the least, how many signatures are affixed?

I don't believe he's had a reply to the letter yet. methinks it will take Gordon a while to answer it. It's pretty damning.

Wednesday 25 February 2009


I am saddened by David cameron and his family's loss.

I wish them well .

Toasted Honey ball

Mary Honeyball MEP must have really wished she hadn't crowed about the three pensioners fined for smoking just inside the door to their conservative club.

There are over a hundred comments condemning her and the iniquitous 2007 act, and a mere two supporting her. (I suspect she bussed them in).

She really takes the biscuit as one of the most sanctimonious cows that personifies what is wrong with Britain today. Politicians better remember that 24% of the population smoke. Many smokers, come the elections, local, MEP, general, should ask their MP what side of the fence he is going to take?

And that means you labour voters as well.

Tuesday 24 February 2009

Global warming- failed

I had to giggle when I saw the news on the TV, that the NASA space craft to measure CO2 in the atmosphere had failed to deploy.

They'll have to go back to tree rings and pine cones. That's a really exact science.

Jack Straw - Traitor

I cannot believe that jack Straw can deny us the contents of Cabinet minutes for the justification of the 2003 invasion of Iraq. To use the excuse that this would undermine confidence in "Cabinet Government" is completely out of order in a democratic nation.

Democracy is a form of government in which power is held directly or indirectly by citizens under a free electoral system.

By denying us, the people, a right to know why this decision was made to invade, is to deny us a further right. The right of accountability.

I will say that in the short term he may get away with it, but he'd better be prepared for the countless extra people who will be affronted by this decision and will take to the streets in the summer.

You really are a fool Jack.

It's the Birds Gordon.

The Bird Feeder

I bought a bird feeder..
I hung it on my patio and filled it lovingly with seed.
It was indeed a beautiful bird feeder.

Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the
continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.

But then the birds started building nests in the boards
of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue.

Then came the bird shit. It was everywhere; on the patio tiles,
the chairs, the table ...

Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to
peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket.
And other birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and
squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night
and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn't even sit in my own back garden
anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days
the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down
the many nests they had built all over the patio.

Soon, the back garden was like it used to be .... quiet, serene
and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.

Now let's see ....

Brown & our government give out free food, subsidised housing,
free medical care, and free education and allows anyone
born here to be an automatic citizen.

Then the illegals came by the millions. Suddenly
our taxes went up to pay for the free services; small flats
are housing 5 or more families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen
by a doctor in an emergency surgery because it is filled
with illegal non tax payers;

Your child's year 12 class is behind other schools because
over half the class doesn't speak English.

Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box;

I have to 'press one' to hear my bank talk to me in English,
and people waving flags other than 'The Union Jack' are
squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding
more rights and free liberties.

Its just my opinion but:

Maybe, just maybe, it's time for the government
to take down the damn bird feeder.

Otherwise we'll be cleaning up shit forever!

Monday 23 February 2009

Think of the children

I have three children, well, adult children.

I would say that up to two years ago, not one of the three had any interest in politics. Typical answer when asked was, "Why should I vote on something that doesn't interest me".

Gordon Brown better beware, this attitude has now changed.

Daughter No.1 will now most certainly vote for, anyone but the labour party.

Daughter No.2 wants me to save some piano wire and a lampost for the labour MP of her choice.

The Son wants to choose the lamposts and assist with tying the knots. He was good at that in the scouts.

This should worry all politicians of whatever colour, the young are getting angry. For the last decade it has only been us middle aged codgers that have taken an interest in how we have been sold down the river.

When the young get angry, politicians should be very afraid. Think of Russia, China, Iran, etc. And bye the way the Democratic Republic of Hildenborough

Prodicus makes the case against Gordon

A really great piece of writing

Prodicus: Reeling drunk advocates ‘new age of sobriety’

Sunday 22 February 2009

National theft service

I'm getting on in years (As I keep telling you), but I'm getting pissed of with the NHS.

This post is not about clinical services, MRSA, failing services,etc. No, it's about theft, pure and simple.

Over the last few years I have had several elderly relatives admitted to Hospital with one ailment or another, ie, strokes, falls, etc.

What I find abhorrent is in nearly all cases they have had money or personal possessions stolen from them. Usually cash, but in some cases precious family items.

What galls me is that whilst they proclaim proudly that their site is a "No smoking site", nowhere do they proclaim "This is a no theft site".

The latest victim of this growth industry is an Aunt-in-law, 91 years of age, who had tripped and fallen, and was taken into St. ***** Hospital in Sidcup.

Surely, apart from their duty of care for the patients health, shouldn't they be looking after their material possessions as well? Where's their duty of care?

Bloody Tossers.

Letter to the administration is now in order.

Saturday 21 February 2009

Health and Safety

I've gradually seen a change in our safety over the years. For the worse.

In older days we were provided with PPE and off we went to work. Youngsters today would jump up and say how irresponsible of the company. How can they send the workforce out before carrying out a complete risk management study first?

Well, my young friends, here's how it was done.

Before the hugely burocratic HSE came in to force, people were actually able to think for themselves. My employer would give me instruction in the use of PPE and would supply all that was neccessary. We were taught to carry out a continuous risk assessment throughout the working day.

I believe that the modern day system lulls you youngsters into a false sense of security. I will explain.

A manager at the beginning of the day, for the task in hand fills out a risk assessment form, a permit to work, a Cossh assessment, and anything else that is the flavour of the day.

All this takes away the feeling of any risk from the person who is tasked with the job. Ie, "The Boss says it's safe, so it has to be." So for the rest off the day the worker goes about his business, happy in the fact that he is safe.

He is sadly deluded.

An example:

The workplace is a 250,000 ton supertanker.

Safety equipment available: Boiler suits, hard hats, safety boots, two oxygen meters, Breathing apparatus at the hatch entrance in case of emergency, etc.

Three sailors are tasked with entering a ballst tank for inspection of the coatings. All the relevant checks have been carried out. Oxygen meter lowered into the tank, and good atmosphere found. So far so good.( No It's not. There were only two oxygen meters, weren't there?)
Portable lighting lowered into the tank, so far so good.
Rescue equipment available at the tank entrance at the top of the tank. So far so good.

The three sailors enter into the tank. They are quite safe, their boss has filled in the paperwork, therefore they MUST be safe.
Down at the bottom of the tank they start their allotted task, however due to the fact they took an hour in sorting out the paperwork, they are running late. So they split up.

NB: A ballast tank on a 250,000 ton tanker is huge.

After a while there is a loud thump. One of the sailors has collapsed. The other two hurry towards him but their oxygen meters go off. What should they do? If they go to assist him they will put themselves in the same danger. Their only course of action is to get themselves out of harms way and call for help.
Which they do.

Did the sailor who collapsed due to oxygen starvation survive? Sadly,no. The rescue team donned breathing apparatus and descended into the tank to save him. When they reached the bottom they attempted to carry him up the vertical ladder to safety.

I did mention it was a 250,000 ton supertanker didn't I?

They never made it out. Their BA might have got them out alone, but the extra workload used too much air, and they ran out, and died.

Moral of the story: Think the problem out for yourself. It's your life, paperwork does not keep you from dying.

The correct procedure would be on the lines of this.

All personnel have an oxygen meter.
Two of the personnel survey all of the tank first with oxygen meters, wearing Breathing apparatus ready to be donned. Then work could be started.
All of the personnel should be carrying their own personal oxygen meter.

Moral of this story: Think for yourself. It's your life. Forget about the compensation culture, you're dead.

I realy am a sad bastard.

We would all be safer without the HSE regs. Get people thinking for themselves.

If you were to believe in an almighty being, this might be of use

A prayer for the stressed!

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off.

And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.

Help me to always give 100% at work

12% on Monday

23% on Tuesday

40% on Wednesday

20% on Thursday

5% on Fridays

And help me to remember.....

When I am having a really bad day and it seems that people are trying to piss me off, that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to fuck off!

Friday 20 February 2009

Tilting at Windmills

Offshore wind turbines.

Now don't get me wrong. I don't profess to be an expert in this field, but I do have a few thoughts on the subject.

I've spent my whole career spent in the harsh environment that these edifices will have to be able to withstand. So I'm going to ask the proponents of these super duper energy saving devices, to convince me that they are cost effective.

Question 1

What are you going to build them on? If you are going to build them off the Thames estuary, which is mainly made up of sand, have you thought about the foundations that will be needed?

Question 2 (linked to Q1)

Given the weather in the North sea, how long will it take you to put in those foundations?

Question 3

What materials are you going to use in the construction of these turbines, given the harsh environment that they will be subjected to?

Question 4

If you have built them, how much is it going to cost to maintain them? Have you factored in the cost of surveying them, changing the turbine bearings, probably every 4 years, insulation resistance, etc. These costs have to be factored in to make the concept viable.

Question 5

What voltage are they going to produce? Anything less than 6.6kV would be inneficient. We go back to environment issues here. 6.6kV hates a sea water environment. The slightest touch of salt water, into the internal workings will destroy the generator. (Anyone near by is extremely dead as well)

Question 6

Given that they only produce energy for 30% of the time. How are they justified?

Question 6. No, a demand

All you green, turbine wankers must be forced to have a 200 ft wind turbine built in your back garden. And yes, this means you, George Monbiot, and Jonathan Porritt. Don't hide from your responsibilty. Apart from the fact that they are a complete eyesore and a blot on the landscape, and they kill off the birdlife, how can you refuse? Put your money where your political mouth is.

If you had any sense, you would have seen through this idiocy, and opted for nuclear. But then you wish to take us back to the middle ages.

Question 7 Am I being to stupid?

You tell me

And as an aside. I live in the real world of marine engineering. If you fuck up, you drown.

Flying squirrels

Old movie, but still amusing

I suppose I will now be on the animals' rights hit list. Oh well.

Thursday 19 February 2009

Who the fuck was the snitch?

From Mary Honeballs's blog on labourlist comes this disgusting article

A Conservative club and its steward have been ordered to pay £5,000 in fines and costs after being caught breaking the smoking ban.

The Balfour Conservative Club in Haverfordwest, Pembrokeshire, and its steward, John Phillips, all pleaded guilty and were each fined £1,000 by magistrates, in addition to costs of £3,000.

Following a tip-off, Pembrokeshire council officers went to the club and found three men flouting the ban by smoking in a room.

"To put the interests of smokers above the health of others is wholly unacceptable," said Jeff Beynon, a council health manager.

"In circumstances such as this the authority is left with no alternative but to prosecute, to protect the health of non-smokers and of persons employed on the premises."

Magistrates were told the council made an unannounced visit to the club on June 12th last year following a tip-off that the ban was being ignored.

They entered the club to find three men smoking in a room, despite there being a "No Smoking" sign on display and despite the fact the club had been provided with comprehensive guidance about the ban.

The council said the club had even sent someone to a series of roadshows held by council.

Mr Beynon described the club's wilful defiance of the ban as inexcusable.

But he did describe the £5,000 fine as "disproportionate".

He said the three people caught smoking were pensioners and had been standing just inside an external door.

I bet they were so proud of themselves. I hope that they will feel some remorse if and when some poor pensioner, who has been paying taxes, his whole life, dies from this ridiculous ban.

Mary Honeyball insinuates that it is only evil Tories that defy the ban. She really is a piece of nu labour shite. How do people like this get elected?


As you can see from my profile, I have been sailing the sevens seas for some time. Considering the Atlantic ocean, in three dimensions , is bigger than most of us can comprehend, how the fuck do two Ballistic missile submarines collide? I think the MOD have some explaining to do. How on earth did they make such a cockup and not sink the cheese eating, surrender monkies' submarine. Heads must roll.

Wednesday 18 February 2009

You got to be kidding me!

The world would have truly gone mad, if this were to happen.

You must watch the video. I nearly peed myself.

Monday 16 February 2009

Taking the piss is such fun.

You know you will laugh Derek. Even you must see the funny side. You're not the first to have this treatment, and you won't be the last.

Got yer!

Note the raised middle finger.

H/T to Maggie Jones

Sunday 15 February 2009

A Hero, Nattie

I am proud and humble that I have worked with him in the relentless quest to help those in need from the completely ridiculous charges the banks were charging their customers for even minor infractions on their account. Yes, I know that he has breeched his terms and conditions, but I have read hundreds, no thousands, of posts of people who were trapped in a never ending spiral by the exorbitant charges. I helped in as much as I could but Nattie was able to give us advance warning, wherever possible, of a change in tactics by his bank.

He is the rarest of creatures: a decent, likeable banker. For more than two years Tim Keirman was the mystery guardian angel of the bank charges campaign. While still working for NatWest he helped thousands of customers get their money back by posting anonymous guidance on consumer forum websites, much to the chagrin of his employers. Last week, his identity was finally discovered by the bank. Its revenge was swift, and savage.

Mr Keirman, a 34-year-old cashier and MoneySense adviser for NatWest's Cambridge branch since 1998, yesterday revealed his identity to the IoS. After a disciplinary hearing last Wednesday, he was sacked for gross misconduct.

Mr Keirman dedicated his spare time to helping customers navigate the bureaucracy needed to get their money back by offering targeted advice and leaking internal guideline documents.

Marc Gander of the website Consumer Action Group said: "People see him as a hero. He was tremendously helpful."

Mr Keirman said yesterday: "It was good to get a sense that I was helping someone. I didn't agree with our charging structure and there were a number of times when I heard the charges were ruining lives."

A spokeswoman for NatWest said last night: "We can confirm that a member of NatWest staff has recently been dismissed for gross misconduct for releasing confidential internal information without authorisation to a third party."

The banking crisis is not over. The banks made £3 billion out of their charging regime last year and are most likely to lose the test case that is due for resolution in the next few months. This means that they will have to pay back the overcharging, not just for that year but also forthe preceding 5 years.

We are screwed yet again, as they are bound to winge for more money from the the taxpayer.

Don't you dare say It's my fault

Saturday 14 February 2009

The end

For tonight

I'm going to have several large drinks. Sure to piss of that double-barrelled doc who thinks we are all killing ourselves, and we should be saved. He can piss off as well.

Dolly Draper

He really doesn't get it about Blogs. My understanding of a personal Blog is, if you don't agree with it. don't go there.

I think that him and his Ilk, have just woken up to the threat that the blogosphere has become to them and the Labour party, and they can't handle it. It's beyond their control freakery comprehension and the spin associated with it. They have become conditioned to their own sense of importance.

They don't begin to understand how angered are the majority of the country with this government. All they are concerned with is trying to deflect comment by bringing up minority issues, albeit legitimate, about such issues such as racism. (on this subject I will post at a later date).

What I will take issue with him is the issue of the right to free speech, which judging from his comments on labourlist, are only what he thinks are free. When will he realise that we are a Kingdom of 60,000,000 people with different predujices against each other, but still remain together.

All I can say is: Dolly, Fuck off and get a life. Preferably in another country.

Friday 13 February 2009

Useless, the lot of them.

For all of my adult life I have voted Tory.

I always considered them, the party that was low tax, small government, and allowed people to get on with their lives with little or no state interference. However since David Cameron was elected as party leader, I feel that we are slipping into a state where all politicians are becoming the same. Spineless pigs in the trough of perpetual political sleeze and non entity policies.

Please, when are we going to get a Politician that can lead from the front and not re-act perpetually to what the Other Party does.

When are we going to have a politician that actually listens to the people and endeavours to do what they want? All I can see is an endless war between two differing ideologies. No thought as to why they are in parliament at all.

When are we going to see a Churchill, a Thatcher, again? Not in my life time I'm afraid to say. All we have is soundbite politics. Can they please fucking shut up.

P.S. Can we have our freedom of speech back? Dolly, I'm talking to you.

Public Opinion.

A funny old thing. There's a poll on the guardian website today on whether Geert Wilders should, or should not have been allowed in to the UK.

Interesting results, coming from Guardian readers

Thursday 12 February 2009

I am So, So, Sorry

I'm afraid that I watched the BBC 6 O'clock news again.

The main article of news was the arrival and expulsion of, you can guess, Geert Wilders.
I was absolutely appalled by the BBC's left wing bias on this. Phrases such as; Far right wing, stirring up racial hatred, etc.

But what got my goat, was the listing of all those, that this government of wankers, had excluded. Not one mention of the Tossers of hate peddling, that various labour twats had invited in .

Give me strength.

PS must remember to dig out the blood pressure monitor.
No sod it I'm going to have a stiff drink

Wednesday 11 February 2009


I was just idly browsing, when I stumbled upon this on the Liberty website.

In the past decade the Home Office has spent 78% of its crime prevention budget on CCTV, before assessing its effectiveness in deterring or detecting crime.

78% of their crime prevention budget! No wonder you never see a Police Officer on the street. A quick look at the home office website to find that the cost for all those cameras came to a figure of £170,000,000.

If you look at the average Plods pay, that equates to over 5600 extra police we could have patrolling our streets.

Or , hell, 8500 PCSOs


H/T to Guthrum. Needs more airing, so it's on here as well.

Monday 9 February 2009

Microsoft and cars

I don't know how true this is.

At a recent computer conference (COMDEX) Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft, is reported to have compared the computer industry with the auto industry: "If General Motors had kept up with technology like the computer industry has," he said, "we would all be driving 25-dollar cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response, General Motors have issued the following press release …

"If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1 For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash … twice a day

2 Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car

3 Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this

4 Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine

5 Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads

6 The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light

7 The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying

8 Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna

9 Every time a new car was introduced. car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car

10 You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off

Thanks to the grumpy old sod for this.

I'm sorry again

I'm afraid I watched the BBC news tonight.

The main news item was the terrible fires in Australia. What I couldn't stomach, is that they had to parade a weather expert in to inform us that it was Global warming that caused it. We were told like naughty schoolboys that there would be more disasters caused by global warming in the future.

What utter Bollocks. Australia has had bush fires every year since records begun, notwithstanding that some of these fires maybe have been the work of arsonists.

With all that hot air from the Beeb they should shut up and save the world.

They don't make me feel safe.

This morning I went to get my paper. On returning to my home, I reflected how things had changed over the years. This thought was prompted by taking out my keys to unlock the front door. I can't remember when I was a kid, ever seeing a door locked. How things have changed.

My house has two locks on the front door, three on the back one, all the downstairs windows have security devices, and there is an alarm fitted.Which brings me to the point in question.

Where has the visual policing gone?

Only a few years ago, the village had it's own Bobby, Kevin by name, and 6' 2" tall. Kevin used to walk round the village, passing the day with anyone he met, always on the move. Even in the high street of the nearest town, you could not help to bump into at least one Policeman, during the course of a few minutes.

Then came the rationalisation (Cuts) in the force. (Sorry again, service I should have said).

Nowadays the only police you are likely to see are those that dash past in their police cars, going where, is anyones guess.

God help you though, if you do meet up with one of these creatures. I popped into a petrol station a few weeks ago. When I came out from paying, I was confonted by a tall, shaven headed individual, that was attired in dark blue, festooned with menacing looking objects, and a completely humour free demeanour.

I was asked, "Please get in the back of the Police car, Sir". I dread to think what would have happened if I'd said "NO". He was so Completely devoid of any interpersonal skills, that I think he'd have called up his mates and had me locked away under the 42 day rule. Throughout my little interview, locked in the back of the Police car, I was made to feel like an axe murderer.

That little incident has made me wary, if not somewhat scared, of approaching any member of our so called police service. I really felt threatened at the time. No wonder the Government has had to bring in CCTV and PCSOs'. (I will rant about the uselessness of PCSOs' another time.)

It's about time the police got out and related with the public they serve. They might find that with our help they would catch a few criminals.


Claim Form

H/T to Old Holborn

Sunday 8 February 2009

My Golly, how un PC can you get?

I hope that,that twat Chiles and that bag Brandt don't link to my blog, they'd have a fit, and the thought police would be at my doorstep in an instant.

Ever since I posted about it, My google adds are now predominately filled with adverts for Gollys. I love it.

I might even buy some badges of gollies, and if I ever get to walk in parliament square, I will wear them.

Second thoughts, my wife needs a breadwinner. Some stupid fuckwit of a PCSO is bound to take offence. What the hell, Belmarsh, here I come.

Saturday 7 February 2009


Most of the websites I visited stated that I was well and truly fucked, and that I should buy a new Motherboard.

Well, Bollocks to you so-called experts.

And Packard bell for their crap Bios update.

Damn Computers

I made the silly mistake of trying to update the Bios. Now, I've done this before and know the risks.

My computer has an update programme installed by the manufacturer, so as it recommended the Bios update to download and flash from their website, mmm I thought, this should be easy.

Bollocks. After flashing the Bios, what did I get? The bloody blue screen of death, Aaaagh. Even in safe mode.

After hours of perusing the web from my laptop, still no glimmer of a solution.

Then I had divine inspiration, or maybe it's because I'm a marine engineer and have to think outside the box, Ie, when the ship is sinking, on fire, drifting onto the rocks with broken engines, etc, etc.

The Bios had decided to swap the order that it looks at the hard drives on boot up, thereby not finding the operating system.

Once problem found, into the Bios setup, and alls well in Nicks house.

Damn Computers

Note: Must backup sometime

Friday 6 February 2009

We need him here

I worry that we have no-one of any stature in british politics today that could conceivably approach this man. we are fucked.

H/T to Old Holborn for this

That apology

Jeremy Clarkson has apologised! Mind you what an apology.

The text is reproduced here:

"In the heat of the moment I made a remark about the prime minister's personal appearance for which, upon reflection, I apologise."

Nothing denying that Gordon was not Scottish, nor an idiot

Thursday 5 February 2009

Makes me see red

Just a quickee.

Why do all those ranting nulabour websites seem to think that they have to have everything in bright red?

Smoking on HM ships

I've just read about another NHS trust about to ban smoking in their grounds. (our grounds)

I just thought you might like to hear what the regulations in my outfit are. If you bear in mind that that I spend nearly eight months of the year on one of our grey painted ships, you would think that the rules had some sense. you would be wrong.

The first restriction was no smoking in the bar if we were having a casual pub lunch. (Now renamed officers casual meal to appease the Alcohol police).

After a short period it became no smoking at all in the bar.

Of course at this time I was allowed to smoke in my cabin, so I could always nip in there for a puff. Considering it is my primary residence throught the year you would think this would be left as it was.

Oh no, think of the poor steward who has to clean my cabin. You can see where I'm going now.

The long and short of it is that now I have to go down four decks, 200 metres aft (backend of the ship, for those not of a nautical persuasion), then down one deck, further aft. Finally I have reached the designated smoking area.

I now find myself on a cold, barely lit deck, maybe with a force ten gale in progress with the ship doing the most unspeakable movements.

The one heartening thing is that all those smokers, of what ever rank, are by far and the best, you will meet.

This is where in the not too distant future, the H & S brigade will have to come to terms with a death on their hands, when some poor sod in atrocious weather falls and breaks their neck.

I hope they get crucified in the courts.

just as an aside, Alcohol is next.

Lord of the dance

Dedicated to my son Chris

well it made me laugh

H/T to Guthrum


Just a snippet of interest

Other meanings and In Popular Culture

* "Golliwog" was World War II British naval slang for a Gauloise cigarette, which had tobacco that was nearly black in colour.

* The American rock group Creedence Clearwater Revival was known as "The Golliwogs" and under this name they released a number of singles on the Fantasy label before they rose to prominence. Golliwog is also a Slovenian punkrock/hardcore band.

* In unofficial military parlance of some countries which has become less common nowadays, the term "golliwog" was used to indicate a piece of equipment that has been tuned, upgraded, and possibly customised to the point where it is no longer similar to the stock item it started as. The term stems from the fact that although the Golliwog itself was black – its standard form was featureless in a sense – it was always represented as decorated smartly with, for example, ribbons and bows. It could be said to be found always dressed up in finery; no Golliwog was ever seen dressed conservatively.

* The sixth movement of Claude Debussy's Children's Corner is titled "Golliwogg's Cakewalk", inspired by the American dance.

* Golliwog is the former name of a popular line of cocoa biscuits in Australia. First released in the 1960s, they were renamed by manufacturer Arnott's in the mid-1990s and are now sold under the name of "Scalliwag".

* Golliwog is a solo-single by ABBA member Agnetha Fältskog from 1974.

* "I Feel Like A Wog" is a song by The Stranglers from their 1977 album "No More Heroes".

* Contortion; In a rag doll or golliwog act, one or two assistants bend, shake and carry the contortionist in such a way as to convince the audience that the disguised performer is actually a limp, life-sized doll. The act usually ends by stuffing the doll into a small box, after which the performer gets out and takes off the costume.

* Golliwogg is featured in The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen as the pilot of an interdimensional ship, along with the Dutch dolls. Golliwogg is said to be a creature made of dark matter in the book.

Wednesday 4 February 2009

Totalitarian fuckwit

I read the article by that twat Dr. Alan Maryon-Davis. Seeing that I am past my prime, would he like to offer me free razor blades so I can slit my veins, and so prevent myself being a burden on the NHS?

Don't bother Alan, after your article, I shall buy my own, and do it shortly if you write any more of that totalitarian crap



I fail to understand the complete lack of risk taking in this country of ours. For two days we had a dusting of snow, ie about 10cms, and on the dire advice from the media we all batterned down the hatches and waited for the end of the world.

In the course of my job, I have been to the top of Norway in mid winter, temperatures of minus 30, and they still manage their daily lives there.

the winter of 1963 was far worse than this week and the average person on the street found ways to cope with their driveway full of snow. They used a shovel.

We are a nation of wimps aren't we?

PS, My wife drove into work both days. No problem, she just drove carefully considering the conditions.

Tuesday 3 February 2009

I apologise for this

Tonight I listened to the BBC.

Apart from the usual drivel about the worst snow fall for 19 years, Woopee f*ck. I've seen far worse in the past. They had a story about three younsters who unfortunately had decided to descend a slope on the upended roof of a derelict range rover. the sad ending was that they ended up sliding into a barbed wire fence, and one of them, being badly injured.

I must admit that it saddens me when these events happen, and that one was badly injured.

On the other hand, I am so glad that the devil may care attitude is still alive and well in the UK, and not even the ridiculous H & S brigade have managed, not wihout spending millions of our money, to stamp out the devil-may-care attitude to risk which made us such a great nation.

Without risk, would we have achieved anything at all in this country?

I wish a speedy recovery to those in hospital. Please take care, but live your lives to the full.

Monday 2 February 2009

Customer Survey

This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas (Military Aircraft) Website by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humour. The company, of course, does not have a sense of humour, and made the web department take it down immediately. Enjoy the disclaimer notice at the end !

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
[_] Mr.
[_] Mrs.
[_] Ms.
[_] Miss
[_] Lt.
[_] Gen.
[_] Comrade
[_] Classified
[_] Other

First Name:............................................ Initial: ........
Last Name......................................................
Password: .............................. (max.8 char)
Code Name:.....................................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ......................

2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day):19....... /....... /......

4. Serial Number:................................................

5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified

6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one

7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / manoeuvrability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq

9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:
[_] Colour TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon

10. How would you describe yourself or your organisation? (Indicate all that apply:)
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal cheque
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveller's cheque

12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defence Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student

13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilisation / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to: McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department Military, Aerospace Division

IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of his email is not authorised (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email, although the kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites and place it in a warm oven for 40 minutes. Whisk briefly and let it stand for 2 hours before icing.

H/T to Womble for this

Sunday 1 February 2009

More debts for the banks

There is still more to come in pain and grief for the banks.

A couple of years ago my eldest daughter disclosed inadvertently that she owed many thousands of pounds on her credit cards and to her bank. Well, being the dutiful father that I am, I decided to see what I could do.

After perusing the web I found a couple of sites heavily involved with this aspect of modern day life for the young. (Sigh)

It quickly became clear that the banks were taking the piss on charges for bounced DD's, un-authorised overdrafts, etc. One account my daughter had was charging £35 for each infringement. each month these charges put my daughter further in debt, with the result that she could never get back into the black.

I successfully gained the money back from her credit card suppliers, albeit going to the wire on the courtroom steps once.

The banks have succeded in trying to put the agony off for the moment but are the subject of court action, judgement due in June

Anyway, the long and short of it is, that if the courts come down on the side of the customer then the banks will be forced to pay back most of the £3.5 billion that they made from their customers last year. And for the preceding 5 years!

My daughter has mended her ways thank god.