NOTES FROM THE EDGE OF LIFE

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns
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Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never have an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Logic
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Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely,
The Titanic
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Dear America ,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada
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Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." Just saying...
Sincerely,
Google
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Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Sincerely,
1985
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Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
Sincerely,
BP
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Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely,
Black people
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Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely,
Nail Salon Ladies
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Dear Ugly People,
You're welcome.
Sincerely,
Alcohol
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Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012.
Our calendars ended there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely,
The Mayans
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Dear White People,
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely,
Native Americans
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Dear iPhone,
Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User
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Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up....
Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore
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Dear Man,
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely,
Elephant