Cretins

 

Today I went over to my deceased Uncle's apartment to supervise the clearance of his furniture. The usual mail was on the table. However although most was junk, one got my blood boiling.

This was a letter stating that, as he hadn't filled an occupancy details form, the water would be cut off.

The fact that he died in October last year and that no such form has been found was bad enough. The very fact that I had sent them a letter stating that he had died and enclosing a copy of the death certificate just doesn't seem to work with those clowns

Lets face it. I know they received the letter as they, in due course, sent the death certificate back.

I've just E mailed their letter and a scan of the death certificate and covering letter that went with it to their Chief Executive.

Do you think I'll get a meaningful reply?

Oh and bye the way. My E mail wasn't too rude. I don't want to be accused as a bully. (Even though I do have a Nokia)

Drinkers Fault - Finding Guide

SYMPTOM	FAULT	ACTION TO BE TAKEN
Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front wet.	Mouth not open whilst drinking. Or Glass being applied to wrong part of face.	Buy another pint and practise in front of mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.
Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; beer unusually pale and clear.	Glass empty	Find someone who will buy you another pint.
Feet cold and wet.	Glass being held at incorrect angle.	Turn glass the other way up so that the open end is pointing towards the ceiling.
Feet warm and wet	Loss of self control	Go and stand next to the nearest dog - After a while complain to it's owner about it's lack of house training and demand a pint in compensation.
Bar blurred	You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass	Find someone who will buy you another pint.
Bar swaying	Air turbulence unusually high - maybe due to darts match in progress.	Insert a broom handle down back of jacket.
Bar moving	You are being carried out	Find out if you are being taken to another pub. If not, complain loudly that you are being hi-jacked.
You notice that the wall opposite is covered with ceiling tiles, and has a fluorescent light strip across it.	You have fallen over backwards.	If glass is still full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to help you up and lash yourself to the bar.
Everything has gone dim, and you have a mouthful of dog-ends and teeth.	You have fallen over forwards.	As for falling over backwards.
You have woken up to find your bed hard cold and wet.	You have spent the night in the gutter.	Check your watch to see if it is opening time - if not treat yourself to a lie-in.
Everything has gone dark.	The pub is closing	Panic!!!

Marriage should be banned.

Well as far as my offspring are concerned.

The eldest daughter was invited to be married on New years Eve. I'm now quaking in my bank balance.

The younger daughter married her primary school sweetheart two years ago. How much did it cost, you might ask? £5,000, £10,000, £15,000. No, it cost this poor old pensioner £27,000. Can't they just live in sin?

The reason I'm posting this is that I was dragged out in the pouring rain to visit one of those Wedding Fayre venues. Even the other half came away shaking her head.

That's not the worst part though. I will have to make that speech, praising the daughter (The one that I fought tooth and nail to recover her profligate credit card charges back due to her complete lack of financial prudence)(No, her name is not Gordonia), for her lovely looks and her love of her parents. (Now I'm being silly).

Oh well, I shall just have to bite the bullet, pay up, and think, yehheh I've got shot of them to the poor bastards who have taken them on.

Paul & Hew, You have my commiserations.