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Friday 9 July 2010

Terror stalks the Land.



The BBC has informed me tonight that I'm in mortal peril. This dragon, meteor strike, plague, heatwave is going to kill millions. So they would like you to believe. FFS I've worked in temperatures of 50 deg C with no ill effects. Just a few sensible precautions are needed such as plenty of fluids, keep out of direct sun where possible, wear loose fitting clothing, and shock horror, increase your salt intake. (The health police are so going to get me for that last one).

The BEEB have even plastered the NHS direct number over their TV weather charts. No doubt if you ring it, stating you feel a bit hot and sweaty, they'll probably suggest you have a swine flue jab.

So chill out folks. Flash up the barbie and have a few cold beers.

*I'm taking the precaution of adding ice to my whisky.

This sad ending to a fishy tale

The Little Mermaid


Sushi sashimi, Yum

I can cut too.

red tape


Here you are, Eric Pickles. Here's the list That I'd cut from my Borough Council. (Note it is not the County Council).

I've struck through the one's I'd axe just to help you.

Area 1 Planning Committee

Area 2 Planning Committee

Area 3 Planning Committee

Audit Committee


Car Parking Charges Advisory Board

Community Development Advisory Board

Community Safety Scrutiny Sub-Committee


Customer Service Improvement Advisory Board

Electoral Review Working Group

Emergency Planning Group

Finance and Property Advisory Board

General Purposes Committee

Housing Associations Liaison Panel

Joint Employee Consultative Committee

Joint Transportation Board

Leisure and Arts Advisory Board

Licensing and Appeals Committee

Licensing and Appeals Committee sitting as a Panel

Local Environmental Management Advisory Board

Management Liaison Panel

Older Persons Issues Advisory Board

Parish Partnership Panel

Planning and Transportation Advisory Board

Policy Overview Committee

Public Transport Panel

Rural Affairs Advisory Board

Scrutiny Committee

Standards Assessment Sub-Committee

Standards Committee

Standards Hearings Sub-Committee

Standards Review Sub-Committee

Strategic Housing Advisory Board

Tonbridge Forum

Tonbridge Town Centre Panel

Town and Parish Councils Standards Sub-Committee

Twinning Committee


Maybe I'm being too drastic. Then again maybe not. I'm getting on in years but I can't for the life of me think I need an Older Persons Issues Advisory Board .

Eastern Promise

This is what Jasmine from Aladdin ends up as.


As she's holding an M16, then she's probably working undercover for the CIA.

Shall I, Shan't I? That is the question.

Anyone fancy another Fairy Tale ending or shall I quit whilst I'm ahead?

Previously on 24