When I retired after 44 years of loyal service to the crown (3 wars experienced). I received a two minute phone call thanking me.
The OH completes 15 years service and receives the following:
Dinner at Claridges
An £850 Mont Blanc pen set
An £830 Mont Blanc briefcase
and a £230 Mont Blanc Note book
Wimmin!
Yes I know that Subrosa will villify me. However I'm going to nick the fountain pen as my wife's writing is utter shite.
A U.S. army platoon was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi insurgent, badly injured and unconscious on the left-hand side of the road.
On the right-hand side was a British soldier in a similar, but less serious state. The Brit was conscious and alert. As first aid was given to both men, the American platoon leader asked the injured soldier what had happened.
The soldier reported: “I was recce-ing the highway here when suddenly, coming towards me from the south was a heavily-armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.
“I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein had been a miserable, lowlife scumbag who’d got what he deserved. The insurgent yelled back that Gordon Brown is a fat, useless, lying, one-eyed porridge wog. And furthermore, Lord Mandelson is a pillow-biting gay bastard!
“So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and ponces about like a frigid, hatchet-faced lesbian.
He retaliated by saying that so does Harriet Harman.
“And, there we were – in the middle of the road – shaking hands, when the f*****g bus hit us.”
H/T to The Daily Politics
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
"I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister".
"Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government".
"We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People".
"The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class".
"And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense".'
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy.
So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny..
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. '
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies, 'The Prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.'
Further to my post Yesterday concerning computer illiteracy.
It would seem that our beloved Police Farce Service cannot use their computers properly either.
A police force has issued officers with 22 pages of guidance on how to write e-mails and use the internet.
I'm not surprised as most of them are shaven headed louts in fancy blue/black urban warfare suits.
In two documents, totaling 7,000 words, staff at Nottinghamshire police are warned of the "risks" associated with the world wide web and the importance of addressing e-mails correctly.
At least some other farces can manage with less.
Other forces have managed to get the message across in a more concise fashion. Cumbria Police wrote just 600 words of guidance for police about what they do online.
To have to write 7000 words either implies that the Plods have no commonsense OR that the author of the Guidance is not gainfully employed. If the latter, can we please have him sacked. A bit more money back into our broken economy would be nice.
H/T to The Telegraph.
