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Saturday 30 June 2012

The smoking war at sea.

This is the era when the badly researched science of second hand smoking was just starting to waft it’s ugly aroma.

Here we are off the coast of Iraq in early 2001

There I was onboard a massive grey painted ship just over the horizon from an enemy shore. The vessel in question is the Navy’s helicopter training ship and is sailing in her secondary function as “casualty receiving ship”. Not to be confused with a hospital ship. The reason being is that the vessel is fitted with a variety of armaments.

Hostilities have commenced and my Action Station post was I/C (In Command) of HQ1 (Command post for Fire fighting, damage repair, & Nuclear, Chemical and Biological threats). Adjoining HQ1 was the machinery control room run by a team of engineer officers and ratings.

Smoking areas on ships were a bit hit and miss at that time. It varied depending on which ship you were on.

I’m quietly sitting in my command seat when over my head set comes the somewhat worrying report from the Bridge that a Russian made anti ship missile search radar was sweeping us, and that the ship was going to turn and head out to sea at maximum speed. (Max speed being  a sprightly seventeen knots and sea skimming missiles have a habit of speeding in in the hundreds of knots).

Well naturally anyone would do what I did. I reached into the top pocket of my action coverall produced a packet of cigarettes and lit up. After a few moments a shout rings out from the adjoining control room, “you can’t smoke here”. My reply. (In wind up mode) “ Fuck off. I’m allowed to have a last cigarette before we all die in a blazing fireball in the next few minutes”. No reply.

Funnily enough no smoking in that space was never mentioned again.

Aside: One of the reasons I retired when I did, was the draconian rules on smoking that came about after 2007 onboard ships.

Friday 29 June 2012

Friday Funny



In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.  The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.  He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.  Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.  Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away.

Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.  As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.  The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.  The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.  Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure.  He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.  The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same fucking elephant.

This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullshit stories.

Thursday 28 June 2012

The fight back begins

Calling all smokers, non smokers and everyone who wants to see The Tobacco control industry out of their lives. And hopefully out of their jobs. (Am I being too vindictive? I don’t think so.).

There’s a new web site started today to fight back at Tobacco control. Reproduced below is their press release. Do spread it around.

A grassroots response to an attack against smokers

The latest offensive by the Tobacco Control Industry against people who dare dissent from their ideology is a Wiki-style website published and run by paid professionals. In it, they attempt to portray ordinary but active people who enjoy tobacco and promote Free Choice as arms of the tobacco companies and as if they were generally getting paid to support the Tobacco Industry. In response to this offensive, a similar but opposing Wiki website is being launched on June 28th.

An ongoing project, the website, Tobacco Control Tactics, (TCT or is a compilation of years of research conducted by unfunded grassroots members of organizations around the world who are alarmed by the under-reported and unaccounted for harm the international Tobacco Control Industry is causing to ordinary citizens and economies.

"It is high time the public is made aware of what is going on in the Tobacco Control Industry and we believe TC Tactics will be a very positive step in that direction," says Wiel Maessen of the Netherlands, a founding member of TICAP (The International Coalition Against Prohibition) who was one of the prime initiators and motivational forces behind the creation of the TCT Wiki.

The website explains how Tobacco Control has morphed from a reasonable movement to educate consumers about the health effects of using tobacco while working to reduce youth tobacco use. It is now a well-funded and highly organized industry encouraging discrimination against adult consumers of tobacco. TCT explores how scientists, afraid to jeopardize their careers, publicly dissent from the central doctrines of the Tobacco Control Industry only after they retire, and how the Pharmaceutical Industry both influences the research done on tobacco issues and funds front groups to promote conditions favorable to sales of ineffective nicotine replacement therapy products. In brief, it examines, as its name states, the tactics used by the powerful, international and highly integrated Tobacco Control Industry, an industry which is far less recognized but arguably as powerful as the Tobacco Industry itself.

When asked to describe what the TCT project was all about, Michael J. McFadden of the US-based Citizens Freedom Alliance said, "Considering the unremittingly positive media imaging of antismoking organizations we expect people to be shocked by what they read in these Wiki pages. We ask readers to simply read our pages carefully and compare them with information presented on the other side of the issue. We believe people will be angry at the way trusted officials and institutions have used the same sort of manipulative and cold-blooded tactics long associated with the Tobacco Industry in order to push a hidden agenda of denormalization and eradication rather than an open program of simple education and proper control."

The creators of Tobacco Control Tactics believe that today’s Tobacco Control Industry may very well be doing far more harm to people and society than is generally recognized. Whether that recognition can be raised to the level of public consciousness needed to bring about change remains to be seen. Bill Gibson, a Scottish Director of FORCES International asks, “Can a loosely knit and unfunded group of consumers sharing enjoyment of a legal product and those supporting them stand up successfully against a highly organized, tax- and pharmaceutical-wealthy international industry?” And then answers, “We believe that the TCT website is a good step in that direction: Truth, communication, and information can stand up and win against ‘Big Money’ when offered the sort of level playing field provided by the internet.”


The Tobacco Control Tactics website can be found HERE.

Set in Stone

I think the weather station below is probably as accurate as the UK Met Office.


Tuesday 26 June 2012

My speech

As some of you know. In ten days time I have to give away another of my daughters. (In marriage)(And why do we have to give them away. If the Fiancee likes her that much, why can’t he buy her off me).

Anyhoo. here’s a few more paragraphs I’ve cobbled together

While preparing this speech I was getting a little sentimental and decided to get out a few old photograph albums. Tears welled up in my eyes as I turned the pages and the one picture that stood out from the others was the striking photograph of my precious daughter lying on a rug, dribbling and pointing at the lens. What a treasure she looked as she tried to stand … she’ll never forget her 21st birthday.


When I was preparing this speech, I decided to learn from the great public speakers of history – but I found Stalin, Hitler and Castro a bit thin on loving tributes to the bride.


As father of the bride, it is my responsibility to make the first toast to the happy couple. I diligently researched many books in many libraries to locate just the right toast. In my search, I was astonished to discover that marriage is a trilogy of rings. When Paul decided that Linda was the girl for him, he asked for her hand in marriage and presented her with the first ring, the engagement ring. Now today, all of us here witnessed Paul and Linda vow their lives to each other as they exchanged the second ring in the trilogy, the wedding ring. But as many of you married couples here today will be able to confirm, the third ring comes a few years down the road, after the honeymoon is over, the bills are mounting and the kids are screaming. This third ring, of course, is the suffer-ring.

Can I use any of them. And if so. Which?

Monday 25 June 2012

I survived Munich. Just. Part one.


I arrived back in the UK in the early hours of this morning from a stag do for my future Son-in-Law.

The Terror started at 0530 on Saturday morning when I met up with 16 twenty year olds at Stansted Airport. A soon as we had cleared security the drinking began, which nearly resulted in many  missing the flight. Drinking continued on the flight even though it was only an hour and twenty minutes. (The author refrained from this stage of the drinkfest).

Getting in to Munich is easy due to the efficiency of the German public transport system and we were soon checked into the hotel.

Soon the cry went up from the sixteen “We must go and drink beer”, and soon the sixteen + two (My brother-in-law was the other “one”), headed up the road to the nearest and oldest beer garden in Munich.

Now as most of you will know the beer is served up in Steins. A Stein is approximately one litre of beer and is served in a large dimpled glass mug. After finding some suitable tables the order for eighteen Steins was placed. We didn’t have to wait long for the first waiter to deliver the first tranche. How he did it, gobsmacked us all. He delivered 12 Steins in one go. Six in one hand and six in the other. Being a puny sort of fellow, I have difficulty in picking up one Stein in both hands. Four rounds later we were thrown out due to some trangression, and we trudged off to catch a tram to another beer garden. The biggest in Munich. Bear in mind this only just two O’clock in the afternoon.

This was truly the Biergarden of all Biergardens. Hundreds of trestle tables set in the middle of open green land. What was so nice was the fact families spend their whole afternoon there with their packed lunches and just generally chill out. I’m not sure why when you are assailed by the sounds of a german oompah band and sixteen drunken Brits.

End of part one……….


Part two features an obscene photograph, the oldest Bierhaus, pole dancing, and credit card fraud. Oh and the bill for the broken lift.

Friday 22 June 2012

Have fun

Blogging will be non–existent over the coming weekend. I’m off to Munich on my future son-in law’s stag do.

Wish me luck with 12 mid twenties somethings to look after.

No Minister

Bugger off and leave my pack alone


H/T to DP

Wednesday 20 June 2012

You’re fired

If you dare spout this heresy the go and find another job.

Oregon State University chemistry professor Nicholas Drapela was fired without warning three weeks ago and has still been given no reason for the university’s decision to “not renew his contract.”

Drapela, an outspoken critic of man-made climate change, worked at the university for 10 years.

In the early years of his career, he published a number of textbooks, received a promotion to senior instructor and, in 2004, received a Loyd F. Carter award for outstanding and inspirational teacher.

In 2007, Drapela began giving talks on his own climate change skepticism. He often and openly questioned the science behind man-made global warming.

Drapela told the Daily Caller he was “blindsided” when the department chair called Drapela into his office to fire him on May 29.


Tuesday 19 June 2012

Light blogging

Over the next few weeks, for a number of reasons, this blogger may post less on this blog. (Not that you care, I suspect).

1. One of my daughters gave me on Father’s day, a genealogy software package. I intend to use the three months subscription free package, to it’s full usage. (I’m a tight git).

2. I have to fly to Munich next weekend for a stag do. That’s the weekend blogging done for.

3. In less than three weeks I’ve (forcibly*) to attend my eldest daughters wedding. Of course I will be phoned at every instance and expected to sort out other’s cock ups. However the worst is that I’ve got to make a speech. So far I’ve not managed to get very far with it.

This is as far as I’ve got:

Ladies and Gentlemen - You will all be pleased to learn that my speech will be every bit as good as the last wedding speech I gave. In fact, my side of the family will probably remember great chunks of it! Not really, although I am following exactly the same format. This means it will probably start off badly, sag in the middle with long silences, and then trail off into a lot of incoherent rambling.

Weddings are a marvellous excuse for a big party, and today is no exception. We have a lot of people here today – grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends… and a handful of people I recognize. Thank you all for coming.

The worst bit is that I’ll have to remember it. Could I do death by PowerPoint instead, or is that unacceptable?

So you see, I’ve the whole world on my shoulders.

Working out when everyone dies.

Drinking to excess.

And spouting drivel. (Mind you, considering that the cost of this wedding could bail out Spain, twice). If any of you can send me some pithy father of the bride speech material, I will be eternally grateful. (Well maybe).

What do you think?

* In the Chav vernacular. Luv hr to bitz.


Do you remember that silly film Gasland shot by Josh Fox?

Here’s the other side of the story. This Pensylvanian mum decided to find out the real truth about Fracking after shale gas was discovered on her land.

The video is quite long but does debunk Gasland thoroughly.

Monday 18 June 2012

Horror In Iran

I can honestly say, I never want to see images like these again.
If they don't bring tears to your eyes, you have no soul.

Their cruelty has no limit !!!

Some of them were 12 years old, some 15;

Some not even that...














Sunday 17 June 2012

We are the Brits.

Now I’ve posted this before. I was just thinking of yesterday’s Trooping of the Colour and how no other nation can put on such a display. 

The video above is about what we all should be thinking. Bugger the rest of the world. We might be a small Island nation but just see how we’ve changed the world. We should be proud of our nation’s achievements. Not spending our whole time in running our country into the ground and making grovelling apologies.We couldn’t do better than unilaterally quit the European Union, the United Nations, and the Court of human rights, for starters. If we said sod off to those entities, what could they actually do?

P.S. We have Nuclear weapons.

Saturday 16 June 2012

Saturday silliness

A teacher asked her third grade class to name things that ended with “tor” that ate things.

The first little boy said, "Alligator."
"Very good James, that's a big word."

The second boy said, "Predator."
“Yes, that's another big word Alan. Very well done."

Little Johnny says, "Vibrator."
After nearly falling off her chair, the teacher says, "That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn't eat anything."

“Well my mother has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no tomorrow!"

Summer in the UK?

I now know why the rain is falling. AGAIN!!!!!

installing summer

H/T to Theo

Friday 15 June 2012


Smoking whilst driving will attract a fine for “careless driving”.

Police currently enforce most careless-driving offences by issuing a warning with no further action, but government plans revealed yesterday will give them the power to issue fixed-penalty tickets.


Last one on the list.

Now I’ve been lighting up cigarettes whilst at the wheel for more years than I can remember. It’s completely second nature to me. I do it without taking my off the road for a second.

And before someone at the back shouts out that you must have both hands on the wheel. That’s bollocks.

Have you never changed the radio station, switched the lights or windscreen wipers on? Do you never change gear?

Just another little money earner for the government coffers.Or just paving the way for no smoking in cars?

My depraved Childhood

We’re getting buffeted by the media and politicians about terrible images being shown to the children. We all seem have to behave to some mythical norm, dictated to us by the Nanny State.

Well my childhood was never risk free either. As you can see from the picture below.





Now do I get some sympathy?




Wednesday 13 June 2012

Nelson at Trafalgar 2012


Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."

Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."

Nelson: "Hold on, this isn't what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning of this?"

Hardy: "Sorry sir?"

Nelson (reading aloud): „ England expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability.' - What gobbledygook is this for God's sake?"

Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting „ England " past the censors, lest it be considered racist."

Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."

Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free working environments."

Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the main brace to steel the men before battle."

Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the Government's policy on binge drinking."

Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it full speed ahead."

Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water."

Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest, please."

Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir."

Nelson: "What?"

Hardy: "Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness; and they said that rope ladders don't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until proper scaffolding can be erected."

Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."

Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the foredeck Admiral."

Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."

Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier- free environment for the differently abled."

Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card."

Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under- represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."

Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."

Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"

Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy."

Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."

Nelson: "What? This is mutiny!"

Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There are a couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."

Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"

Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not."

Nelson: "We're not?"

Hardy: "No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."

Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."

Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity coordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary report."

Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your King."

Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age.  Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your life"

Nelson: "Don't tell me - Health and Safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?"

Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment."

Nelson: "What about sodomy?"

Hardy: "I believe that is now legal, sir."

"In that case................... Kiss me, Hardy."

Editor’s note: Smoking is nearly banned on ships, drinking is limited, working at height regulations, border on the ridiculous. Rules of engagement don’t allow the commanding officer to make a timely decision. and a blind eye is turned on sodomy.

*Dedicated to Captain Haddock. With special thanks to David Wheeler who made this post possible*

Cleaning up the streets?


At least 100 officers surrounded Richard Jablonski's home after someone called police to say he had a gun.

Following the siege in January Mr Jablonski was arrested and charged with possessing an imitation firearm with intent to cause fear of violence.

I presume Mr Jablonski is an international terrorist, with an arsenal of machine guns, rocket launchers, and other sundry artillery.

Then again I would be wrong.

But the case against him was dropped after it was accepted the 38-year-old was actually holding a bottle of the household cleaning product during the incident.



It took 100 Officers to ascertain that fact!

Read the full story HERE.

And you have to love some of the comments


Tuesday 12 June 2012


My last attempt was like trying to commit suicide. Here’s the way to do it. I don’t know why I never tried this before. This method was sent to me lately.

1. Put both lids of the lavatory up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement put the cat in the lavatory and close the lid.

You may need to stand on the lid

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds.
Never mind the noises that come from the lavatory, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the lavatory three or four times, this provides a 'power-wash and rinse'.

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the lavatory as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.

8. The cat will rocket out of the lavatory, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the lavatory and the cat will be sparkling clean..

Yours sincerely,

The Dog !!

The Wizard of Oz

The true story.

wizard of oz

Monday 11 June 2012

Sock puppets.

An interesting read from the Institute of Economic Affairs1.  His article makes extraordinary and worrying  reading by the mere fact that there are now 27,000 government funded charities. He gives a general background with examples of how they have expanded he also gives instances of how out of control the situation has become.

……….It explains why an organisation like the Food Standards Agency can go from having a tiny staff investigating restaurant poisonings to having a budget of £500 million and a mission that has expanded to campaigning against salt, fat and eating crisps during football matches

And of course he lays into our old favourite, ASH (Action on Smoking and Health).

Once it became clear that ASH would never become the mass movement its founders envisaged, its staff focused on networking with the political and media elite of London. It began to fulfil the criteria
of a successful pressure group as set out by Mancur Olson in The Logic of Collective Action - a small but concentrated interest of professional anti-smoking activists against a larger, diffuse interest group of smokers. Perversely blessed with a small membership and a handful of employees (its English office had just six paid staff in 1979), it was able to avoid bickering and maintain a sharp focus on
each policy objective. Peter Hollins, Director General of the British Heart Foundation, said in 2007, ‘ASH is a casebook example of how a small but well-organised and effective group can stimulate
and guide a powerful movement. The assortment of lobby groups which ASH coordinated to fight for the smoking ban between 2004 and 2006 was the very definition of what William H. Riker termed
the ‘minimum winning coalition’ (Riker, 1962); big enough to win, but small enough to be sustainable in the long-term.

ASH continues to influence public and politicians through its media appearances, press releases and parliamentary briefings. In 2010/11, it responded to no fewer than fourteen public consultations, often in support of measures ASH itself had recommended to the DH, which continues to fund them. In Westminster, it works through the All-Party Parliamentary Group on Smoking and Health, which was set up by ASH director Mike Daube in 1976 in the hope of persuading individual MPs to table Private Members’ Bills and Early Day Motions on ASH’s behalf. The APPG was originally known, more tellingly, as the All-Party Parliamentary Group for Action on Smoking and Health and
ASH continues to dominate its activity.

In other words the Government of the day pays a lobby group to publicise what it doesn’t want to publish itself. A case of it “wasn’t us guv”.

Do go read it. It should be exposed to the light of day as to what’s wrong with this country.

1Christopher Snowdon is an author, journalist and researcher who focuses on lifestyle freedoms,prohibition and dodgy statistics. He is a research fellow at the Institute of Economic Affairs, writes for City AM and Spiked, and regularly appears on TV and radio discussing social and economic issues. He wrote Velvet Glove, Iron Fist: A History of Anti-Smoking (2009) and The Spirit Level Delusion (2010). His most recent book is The Art of Suppression: Pleasure, Panic and Prohibition since 1800 (2011) which looks at the prohibition of alcohol, drugs and tobacco. Born in North Yorkshire, he now lives with his wife and daughter in Sussex.

A sock puppet is defined by Wikipedia as ‘a false identity assumed by a member of an internet community who spoke to, or about himself while pretending to be another person.’ The average sock puppet uses pseudonyms to praise and endorse his own views.




Sunday 10 June 2012

Death by a thousand cuts.

Well not quite as many as that.

I’m afraid this is about smoking again. My history of the slow strangulation of smoking rights.

I’ll start at the beginning of the slow but sure campaign by the anti-smokers.

In the mid sixties, I was a callow youth just starting out in my career as a Marine Engineer. In those days you could smoke anywhere. Even in the classroom. The only rule was that you supplied your own ashtray.The top deck of buses were set aside for smokers, as was the back end of aircraft. Trains had nearly half the carriages designated for smoking. Believe it or not, you were actually allowed to smoke in pubs and clubs.

Then came the rise of the nu-puritans.

The first to go was smoking on aircraft. Smoking carriages on trains were reduced to one badly maintained area which you would be prosecuted if you decided to transport cattle in it. Buses followed suit.

Smoking in workplaces was severely curtailed by having one smoking room.

Just as an aside to the general point of this article. When I was on secondment to a department of the ministry of defence about 12 years ago, I used their smoking room. At the time it was just at the end of the Irish troubles but we were expected to work in civilian clothes in order not draw attention to who we were. In that smoking room I met many people, of which I had no real idea of who they were, although after a while we all surmised what our respective  fields were.

A few of us formed informal relationships, in that we were of the same age group and became friends because of that room.

Imagine my surprise when we were all ordered to wear uniform again in a drive to boost recruitment for the forces. I suddenly found that I was friends with people who were stratospherically higher in rank than my pay grade. Captains (Naval), a vice admiral, and the head of the defence fire service. Rank notwithstanding, we remained informal friends in that room.

Back to the topic I started with.

Slowly but surely I saw more changes. On ships, smoking was banned from alleyways (corridors in lay parlance), The Bridge, and the Machinery control room, and all offices.

After that came no smoking in areas that served food. Fair enough you would say. No.The bastards in charge included the bars as, wait for it, crisps served there, counted as food. The only place left to smoke was in your cabin.(my main place of residence for 2/3rds of the year. The other 1/3 being on leave at filthy mansion).

Of course when the smoking ban came in in 2007, even smoking in cabins was banned. Instead smoking was only permitted on one area of usually windswept and badly lit deck. I’m waiting to hear that someone will be washed overboard one dark and stormy night. And although I will feel sorry for the bereaved, I hope they sue the pants off the MOD under HSE regulations.

Could ASH be indicted as well for colluding in pre-meditated murder?

The Smoking ban was the only reason I retired when I did. Up till then I loved my job. After the ban I hated it.

Sorry for the rant ruining your Sunday evening.

Saturday 9 June 2012

The Raccoon is back.


Anna Raccoon is back running the bar at The Raccoon Arms.

A fascinating tale of international intrigue.

Friday 8 June 2012

Out of the mouths of babes….

I don’t do serious on Fridays. But then again we must think of the cheeeldren.













I won’t cry for you Argentina

The TaxPayers' Alliance (TPA) is calling for the British Government to oppose any further World Bank loans, underwritten by British taxpayers, to Argentina. They have launched a new campaign with an e-petition on the UK Government's official website ( and published new research ( looking at the scale of the funding.

British taxpayers' money is supporting loans to Argentina on a substantial scale. This is despite recent attacks from the Argentinian government on British interests, including advocating a boycott of British goods, and disputing the sovereignty of the Falkland Islands. Moreover as a middle-income country, Argentina has no pressing humanitarian need for aid.

Thursday 7 June 2012

THEY hate bloggers

By THEY I mean all those nannying tyrants such as Tobacco control. Alcohol concern, the greens, and the econuts who espouse useless wind turbines and pathetic solar panels. To name a few. Over the last few years the supine Main Stream Media (MSM) have been led by the nose to believe everything they’re told. Instead we should be casting those prod noses down to the 9th circle of hell for their lies and obfuscations,

What they haven’t been able to cope with is Bloggers.

The nanny statists are conditioned to think as a group, and this is where their demise will begin. Their groupthink doesn’t allow for dissenting voices, questioning the status quo.

Bloggers are so different. bloggers are like a swarm of bees, each one acts independently gathering nectar (information) but are linked with each other in a myriad of interconnecting Hyperlinks. This is where the likes of the Tobacco control industry will lose the war. They win the battle by influencing the MSM with their Groupthink, but eventually, given sufficient resolve, Bloggers will win the war.

It will be a long war as bloggers have finite resources, and are not funded from the public purse, or are set up as fake charities, like some.

The one thing that bloggers like me and many others have, is an enquiring mind. When I started this blog I was on my own. Over the last three years I’ve managed to garner a mass of information. I’ve looked as a smoker into second hand smoke and seen through the haze of untruthfulness  I’ve looked as an engineer, and seen the great enlightenment of AGW, slowly being exposed as  a money making scam by the idiots that want a catastrophe at all costs, to raise it. I’ve seen the medical profession trying to tell me that I’m drinking far more than their made up level of units that I must not surpass.

By now if you’ve read this far you’ll probably be thinking, what a conceited fool.

But the point I am making is that I didn’t come to these revelations alone. It was the fact, that out in the blogosphere there is a vast amount of information and research that is never produced in the MSM. The MSM don’t see it, they’re too busy being tucked into their comfort blanket.

Anyway enough of that. I’m going to turn on the heating, light up a cigarette, and have a large whisky.

Free Speech

You must be joking.

Tuesday 5 June 2012

The swarm

Smokers marching on the headquarters of ASH (Action on Smoking and Health).

crowdson the mall

Maybe this will happen in the future. With that many marching they won’t even need flaming torches and pitchforks. The cowards at ASH will have long fled the country. Mind you though Debs, I wouldn’t flee to Bulgaria.

Monday 4 June 2012

Bulgarian bars and restaurants booming after smoking ban.

Or maybe not.

Empty tables, grumpy customers, and worried owners were the common picture in nightclubs and bars during the first weekend of the full smoking ban in public spaces in Bulgaria.

According to the Cross news agency, lines of people smoking outside were seen near some of the most popular establishments in the capital Sofia with some of them having no more than 7-8 visitors inside during what was previously known as their peak hours.

"If this remains the same, we will soon go bankrupt," terrified owners are quoted saying.

Remember how the Tobacco Control Industry* said that wouldn't  happen after the 2007 ban in the UK. Their spin on the ban was that non-smokers would fill the pubs in their droves. All I see is boarded up pubs the length and breadths off our high streets.

A few weekends ago I visited the nearest pub to me due to it being a sunny day and I had guests. Outside the pub were tables with about 80% of them being smokers. Inside there was just 2 people. The tenant of the pub is doing his best, but admitted to me that he is losing the battle when the weather is inclement.

Back to Bulgaria.

At least they don’t have as many prod nosed Fascists that we have patrolling their streets. (No apologies for calling them fascists. After all they are following the exact same strategy that Adolph Hitler promulgated).

Cross further reports that a number of owners of bars and nightclubs in the second largest city of Plovdiv have allowed their customers to smoke despite the steep fines. Their boldness is grounded in the fact that there are only four teams of health inspectors with two people each checking more than 4 000 night establishments in the city.

"We were waiting for you and thought you would never come," the owners have joked upon the arrival of the inspectors.

If only we had a few more publicans like Nick Hogan to have stood up against the smoking police. we might have more of our favourite watering holes alive and well.

I’m just going to pour myself another Whisky and have a fag. (For American readers a fag is a cigarette).

*Apparently they hate the word industry. Tough shit. The cap fits.

Saturday 2 June 2012

Control ‘R’ Us.

I wrote a post this morning about how the Tobacco control industry were bleating on in the Guardian how they had been threatened by all manner of bloggers who are opposed to their actions.
Now I’m presuming that 75% of readers of my blog are non smokers as per current government statistics.
As a smoker I have seen the way the insidious demonization of smokers has steadily increased, and will carry on. Even though smokers contribute nearly £11 billion in tax to the treasury, and the fact that so called smoking related diseases only cost the NHS £2.7 billion, you’d think anti smokers would stop coming out with this blatant horseshit.
I give you Cllr John Butcher.
“If the NHS in Surrey were to be run on the basis that patients with self-inflicted morbidity (mainly smoking, alcohol, narcotics, obesity) and injury (dangerous activities) are, following due warning, placed in a much slower-moving queue for healthcare than ‘other’ patients, this would encourage the self-inflicted to move away from Surrey, to areas where there is no differentiation between patients on the grounds of their contribution towards their condition."
I would give you the link but for some strange reason the link seems to have broken.
Now as a non smoker you’re probably thinking. it’s nothing to do with me.
Think again.
The anti smoking template, now proved to have worked is being copied by other health fascist, nanny state groups.
Alcohol. minimum price per unit? Similar to the tobacco duty escalator? Once it’s in it will never go away.
The sun is bad for you. Smother yourself in factor 200 or you’ll die of skin cancer. (Lovely little earner for big pharma). Strange that since this scare escalated in the last decade or so, we’ve seen an escalation of Ricketts through lack of vitamin D.
Salt. Stand away from the shaker now! Of course if you cut down on salty products you WILL die. Salt is a must mineral for our bodies.
I could go on. just google your vice of choice and look further than the top article. it might surprise you.
Do not take what you are told in the main stream media as the gospel. Be your own researcher and make up your own mind. You’ll be appalled at the crap you have been led believe is the truth.
You are sleepwalking into a totalitarian state that doesn’t care about you. It’s all about control.


I see the daily mail have jumped in with both feet in their mouth. TWATS.

The daily Mail
My comment hasn't shown up yet.

Running to Mummy

An article in todays Guardian purports that those in the Tobacco Control Industry are running in fear from pro tobacco bloggers.

Leading advocates of tobacco control have been targeted in an apparent escalation of hate campaigns and intimidation by bloggers and groups who view moves to curb smoking as assaults on personal freedom.

Well. This blogger has absolutely no sympathy. Those whining hypocrites started this dirty little war. They have a vast army, supported by millions of taxpayer money to promulgate their tireless crusade.

Of course what they are worried about is that they can’t find any evidence that individuals are “Big Tobacco” funded, and people reading those blogs might just say, “Mmm, they have a point”.

The article even has to try and make out that smokers are homophobiac.

Liberal Democrat MP Stephen Williams, chair of Westminster's all party parliamentary group on smoking and health, has received abuse, including homophobic abuse, on his blog, especially after supporting plain packs. "When people make comments online, I sometimes wonder whether it is a real person or manufactured false identity. There are various front groups for the tobacco industry, and , I think, front individuals who post negative comments."

This individual wrote a blog post supporting plain packaging. The only abuse I can see is pro smoking commenters abusing the smokers who commented there. If you can find a homophobiac comment there, please let me know. I can’t find one. the pro smokers in the main were extremely polite.

My thanks go to Frank Davis, Dick Puddlecote, and The Angry Exile for pointing me to The Guardian Article

However if you’ll excuse me I think I’ll go and have a shower. I feel a little grubby now I’ve read it. It really is a terrible piece of slack journalism.

Friday 1 June 2012

Muscle contraction

Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students.

This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 

'Do you know what your arsehole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'

She replied,

'Probably golfing with his mates.'

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom!