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Saturday 30 July 2011


Before you get comfortable let me warn me that this post has an X rating. Filled with pain, torture, cruelty, and bad language.

Turn away now.

I went to Vlad the impaler  the dentist yesterday.

Now my teeth have deteriorated over the years through all the bad habits of  eating too much sugary food, smoking drinking, and general other vices( Use your imagination here. Or maybe not).

I’d decided that my upper teeth were going to have a complete makeover and it was decided that a complete refurbishment was in order. Therefore some months ago Josef Mengele the dentist removed all those ailing gnashers and fitted me with a temporary denture. That was bad enough, in that I could only eat soup for a week until the pain from the removal settled down.

Not boring you I hope.

Any way whether you like it or not I shall continue.

yesterday was the  was the day for implants to be fitted into my upper jaw, to allow for a fixed plate. Now I should really have done a bit of research into the procedure. Stupidly I didn’t. If I had I’d probably have caught the first flight out of the country.

Three hours I was laid out on the rack the chair, FFS.

After at least enough anaesthetic to kill a couple of horses, which should of set alarm bells ringing, the work begun.

1. Cut open the upper gum. Bloody hell it took forever. Apparently I had the toughest gums known to man according to the sadist my dentist. (doesn’t do much for his original diagnoses that I suffered from sever gum disease, does it?).

2. Enough X rays were then taken to make me glow in the dark and set off airport scanners, most like.

3. The drill, the drill. Ok that wasn’t too bad.  Four holes in all.

4.  Another gallon or two of anaesthetic as the first lot was wearing off.

5.  Next was the inserting of the implants. These were of the self tapping variety inserted with a ratchet spanner until they were tight.

6. Now I’ve been a marine engineer for many a year and have cheated at times when the screw needs a helping hand ie with a hammer. Not approved engineering practise needless to say. I think he must have had a inferior apprenticeship to me, as he loved his hammer. Have you ever had your jaw bone hit with a hammer? It feels as if someone has rung the great peels of the bells of Westminster Abbey, in your head.

7. It’s over. No it’s not. The Executioner  decides  TFE would be advised to have one more implant (bastard). So it begins again.

8. As I posted in para 1, about cutting open my gums with a shovel (at least that’s what it felt like), of course now he has to rectify his butchery finely crafted work. Stitches had to undertaken. Though I would have preferred he used a needle rather than a crochet hook.

9. Done. Well not quite. I was ambushed on exit by the prison wardress receptionist in order to that I pay for the privilege of being tortured to within an inch of my life. Not cheap I can tell you.

Now comes for the crunch. There are rules to be observed for the next week.

No hot drinks.

No smoking.

No alcohol.

Wash my mouth out with salt water. (No, not soap and water)

A soft diet. (Whatever that means?)

Needless to say I have ignored every one of those above. After 3 hours of leaving Gitmo the surgery, my upper jaw felt as if it had been attacked by a team of Irish navvies on piece work. To cap it all, this morning I woke up to find my pillows covered in enough blood to make an axe murderer proud.

Oh and I’m back on a diet of soup. And enough pills to kill one of those horses mentioned above.

Don’t forget to book your dentist appointment on a regular basis. Best you read this on a regular basis just to make sure.

Cameron IS Labour Lite.


BRITISH Prime Minister David Cameron has praised his Australian counterpart Julia Gillard's carbon plan as bold and ambitious.

The Conservative Party leader's endorsement of the Australian prime minister's plan to impose a carbon tax undercuts a campaign against the scheme by his conservative ally, Opposition Leader Tony Abbott, Fairfax reports.

I really don’t think that I can take much more of this idiot we have for a Prime Minister. Sooner we have the next election the better. I think I need strong drink.

H/T tp Lawson Narse

Philosophy v Science. Is there a God?

"Let me explain the problem science has with religion."

The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

'You're a Christian, aren't you, son?'
'Yes sir,' the student says.
'So you believe in God?'
'Absolutely '
'Is God good?'
'Sure! God's good.'
'Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?'
'Are you good or evil?'
'The Bible says I'm evil.'

The professor grins knowingly.

'Aha! The Bible! He considers for a moment. 'Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?'
'Yes sir, I would.'
'So you're good...!'
'I wouldn't say that.'
'But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't.'
The student does not answer, so the professor continues.

'He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Can you answer that one?'

The student remains silent.

'No, you can't, can you?' the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.

'Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?'

'Er..yes,' the student says.
'Is Satan good?'
The student doesn't hesitate on this one.. 'No.'
'Then where does Satan come from?'
The student falters. 'From God'
'That's right.. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?'
'Yes, sir.'
'Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?'
'So who created evil?' The professor continued, 'If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil.'
Again, the student has no answer. 'Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?'

The student squirms on his feet.

'So who created them ?'

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question.

'Who created them?' There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized.

'Tell me,'   he continues onto another student. 'Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?'
The student's voice betrays him and cracks. 'Yes, professor, I do.'

The old man stops pacing.

'Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?'
'No sir. I've never seen Him.'
'Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?'
'No, sir, I have not..'
'Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?'
'No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't.'
'Yet you still believe in him?'
'According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist... What do you say to that, son?'
'Nothing,' the student replies.. 'I only have my faith.'
'Yes, faith,' the professor repeats. 'And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith.'
The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of His own. 'Professor, is there such thing as heat? '
' Yes.
'And is there such a thing as cold?'
'Yes, son, there's cold too.'
'No sir, there isn't.'

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain.

'You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit down to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy.. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.'

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.

'What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?'
'Yes,' the professor replies without hesitation. 'What is night if it isn't darkness?'
'You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?'
The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester.

'So what point are you making, young man?'
'Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed.'

The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time.

'Flawed? Can you explain how?'
'You are working on the premise of duality,' the student explains.. 'You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought.' 'It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it..' 'Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?'
'If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do.'
'Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?'

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.

'Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?'

The class is in uproar.

The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided.

'To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean.'

The student looks around the room. 'Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?

' The class breaks out into laughter.

'Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelt the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so.. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir.' 'So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?'

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable. Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers.

'I Guess you'll have to take them on faith.'

'Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life,' the student continues. 'Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?' Now uncertain, the professor responds, 'Of course, there is. We see it Everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in The multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world.. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.'

To this the student replied, 'Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God.. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.'

The professor sat down.

Who was the last student?