Whilst strolling alongside the River Medway this morning I noticed a Muslim extremist slip from the riverbank and fall into the water.
He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the explosives he was carrying. If he didn't get help he'd surely drown.
Being a responsible citizen, and abiding by the law of the land that requires you to help those in distress, I informed the Police, the Immigration Office and even the Fire Service.
It is now 4 p.m., he has drowned, and none of the authorities have yet responded. I'm starting to think I wasted three stamps.