'Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rapidly promoted by mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end.’Just saying.
There's an annual contest at the Griffiths University , Australia , calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term.
This year's term was 'political correctness'.
The winning student wrote:
'Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rapidly promoted by mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition
that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end.'
Couldn’t ask for anything better as far as I can see.
How long before the description below comes true?
The Royal Navy is proud of its new fleet of Type 45 destroyers.
Having initially named the first two ships HMS Daring and HMS Dauntless.
The Naming Committee has, after intensive pressure from EU headquarters in Brussels, renamed them HMS Cautious and HMS Prudence.
The next five ships are to be named
HMS Empathy,
HMS Circumspect,
HMS Nervous,
HMS Timorous
and
HMS Apologist.
Costing £850 million each, they meet the needs of the 21st century and comply with the very latest employment, equality, health & safety and human rights laws. The new user-friendly crow's nest comes equipped with wheelchair access.
Live ammunition has been replaced with paintballs to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number of compensation claims.
Stress counsellors and lawyers will be on duty 24hrs a day and each ship will have its on-board industrial tribunal.
The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and balanced in accordance with the latest Home Office directives on race, gender, sexuality and disability.
Sailors will only have to work a maximum of 37hrs per week in line with Brussels Health & Safety rules, even in wartime!
All the vessels will come equipped with a maternity ward and nursery, situated on the same deck as the Gay Disco.
Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but cannabis will be allowed in.
Also out has gone the occasional rum ration which is to be replaced by sparkling water.*
Condoms can be obtained from the Boatswain in a variety of flavours.
Saluting officers has been abolished because it is deemed elitist and is to be replaced by the more informal "Hello Sailor".
All information on notices boards will be printed in 37 different languages and Braille.
Crew members will now no longer be required to ask permission to grow beards or moustaches - this applies equally to women crew members.
The MoD is working on a new "non-specific" flag because the White Ensign is considered to be offensive to minorities.
The Union Flag has already been discarded.
The newly re-named HMS Cautious is due to be commissioned soon in a ceremony conducted by Captain Hook from the Finsbury Park Mosque who will break a petrol bomb over the hull.
She will gently slide into the water as the Royal Marines Band plays "In the Navy" by the Village People.
Her first deployment will be to escort boat loads of illegal
immigrants across the channel to ports on England's south coast.
The Prime Minister said, "While these ships reflect the very latest in modern thinking, they are also capable of being up-graded to comply with any new legislation coming out of Brussels."
His final words were, "Britannia waives the rules.
*The start of the slippery slope.
If you’ve read the warning sign at the top left side of the page and agree. Then carry on. If not, turn away now.
A twin-engine passenger plane has an engine failure and the
altitude and speed are decreasing rapidly.
The pilot speaks over the intercom ... " I'm sorry it has come
to this ladies and gentlemen, but unfortunately we are going to have to
jettison the luggage in order for the aircraft to remain airborne ".
Baggage is thrown out but still the plane's altitude continues
to decrease. Once again the pilot gets on the intercom, "I hate to do
this folks but in order to save the majority we are going to have to
start off-loading some passengers. The only fair way is to do this
Alphabetically, so we'll start with the letter 'A'"
"Africans? Are there any Africans on board?" There was no
answer so the pilot calls, "Black people, are there any black people on
board?"
Again silence.
" C - coloured people? Are there any coloured people on board?"
Still there is silence.
A little black boy sitting near the rear of the plane turned to his
mother and said, "Mum, ain't we African? Ain't we black? Ain't we
coloured?"
She replied, "Yes, son but for the moment we is Niggers. Let
them do the Muslims first. If that don't work we is Zulus"......
If you’re a Guardian reader. look away now.
During last night's high winds an African family was killed by a falling tree.
A spokesman for the Birmingham City council said, "We didn't even know they were living up there."Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough television shows with minorities in mind, so Crimewatch is being shown 5 times a week now.
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed. How could anyone stoop so low!
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"A Muslim dies and finds himself before the Pearly Gates..
He is very excited, as all his life he has longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed.
Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, he meets a man with a beard.
"Are you Mohammed?" he asks.
"No, my son. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up." And he points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.
Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter, he climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs through the clouds and comes to a room where he meets another bearded man.
He asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"
"No, I am Moses. Mohammed is higher still."
Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he continues to climb the ladder and, yet again, he discovers an even larger room where he meets another man with a beard.
Full of hope, he asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"
"No, I am Jesus. You will find Mohammed higher up."
Mohammed higher than Jesus!
The poor man can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, ever higher.
Once again he reaches a larger room where he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question:
"Are you Mohammed?" he gasps as he is, by now, totally out of
breath from all his climbing.
"No, my son. I am God. But you look exhausted. Would you like a coffee?"
"Yes, please, my Lord."
God looks behind him, claps his hands and calls out,
"Hey, Mohammed! Two coffees!"
During last night's high winds an African family was killed by a falling tree.
A spokesman for the Birmingham City council said, "We didn't even know they were living up there."
Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough television shows with minorities in mind, so Crimewatch is being shown 5 times a week now.
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed. How could anyone stoop so low!
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
A Muslim dies and finds himself before the Pearly Gates..
He is very excited, as all his life he has longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed.
Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, he meets a man with a beard.
"Are you Mohammed?" he asks.
"No, my son. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up." And he points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.
Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter, he climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs through the clouds and comes to a room where he meets another bearded man.
He asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"
"No, I am Moses. Mohammed is higher still."
Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he continues to climb the ladder and, yet again, he discovers an even larger room where he meets another man with a beard.
Full of hope, he asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"
"No, I am Jesus. You will find Mohammed higher up."
Mohammed higher than Jesus!
The poor man can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, ever higher.
Once again he reaches a larger room where he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question:
"Are you Mohammed?" he gasps as he is, by now, totally out of
breath from all his climbing.
"No, my son. I am God. But you look exhausted. Would you like a coffee?"
"Yes, please, my Lord."
God looks behind him, claps his hands and calls out,
"Hey, Mohammed! Two coffees!"
I'm sure we all remember the scandals concerning postal votes at the last general election. Well it looks like it hasn't gone away.
POLICE are examining a series of claims of serious electoral fraud across London.
That's good then.
Well no.
Scotland Yard confirmed it is examining a number of complaints from residents and political groups in the borough. On a wider scale, police are looking at claims of electoral fraud in 12 boroughs but have yet to launch any criminal inquiries.
I suspect they'll get round to it in time for the 2015 election.
Read More about postal vote fraud here.
You really couldn't make it up.
It would appear that Thames valley Police are even more incompetant than their Home Office rating of "poor".
Maybe their could be a level of "Abysmal" added?
Officers were alerted to an armed raid at a Lloyds TSB branch in Henley-on-Thames, South Oxon, but instead scrambled to another bank more than 14 miles away in a different county.
Meanwhile, the armed thief walked out of the bank with tens of thousands of pounds.
"It's not us. It was the alarms fault Guv".
Thames Valley Police chiefs said an automatic alarm had sent officers to the branch in Pangbourne, Berks.
Come on. Pull the other leg it's got bells on.
Police are appealing for any information about the robber, who is described as Asian, about 30 years of age and 5ft 8ins tall.
At least they have given up being politically correct by naming the robber's ethnicity.
The whole story is from The Telegraph
It would seem that the Police don't even know the laws that they are supposed to uphold. It is still not illegal to film in a public place, so why are they still trying to stop it?
The video below is of the Police and a PCSO harassing The "Love Police" outside Harrods.
The Oxford Mail has the story of the police using section 43 of the Terrorism act to stop and search an ex RAF engineer from photographing them. Oh and there's a short vid to go with the story.
This should be stopped in it's tracks right now. Wanker of the week is PC Steve Burchett
Update:
There's more twattery here.
A good article from over the pond on the failure of CCTV to make us anymore safer. In fact it goes on to propound that in fact they make us less safe.
Although it's comforting to imagine vigilant police monitoring every camera, the truth is very different, for a variety of reasons: technological limitations of cameras, organizational limitations of police and the adaptive abilities of criminals. No one looks at most CCTV footage until well after a crime is committed. And when the police do look at the recordings, it's very common for them to be unable to identify suspects. Criminals don't often stare helpfully at the lens and -- unlike the Dubai assassins -- tend to wear sunglasses and hats. Cameras break far too often.
In London the figures for crime solved by CCTV is 1 in every 1,000 cameras. Not a very good success rate I would have thought. And those cameras cost the taxpayer £200 million.
And although a police officer on the street can respond to a crime in progress, someone watching a CCTV screen can only dispatch an officer to arrive much later. By their very nature, cameras result in underused and misallocated police resources.
I think that the £200 million would have been better spent on recruiting a few more Plods.
Full article over on CNN.
Well at least one of them.
An eight-year-old Beano fan has made a stand against PC killjoys who made his hero Dennis the Menace too nice.
Jacob Rush pleaded with the comic's bosses to return the spiky-haired character to his former naughty best after he was turned into a bit of a softy.
It's about time that someone actively complained about the Nanny state. It's a shame it has to be an eight year though. Of course he can't be prosecuted for inciting violence or hate crime.
Jacob, from Ipswich, Suffolk, said: ‘I don't like Dennis because he doesn't have his catapult or water pistol any more and he's not menacing enough - I want the old Dennis back.
The BBC makeover saw Dennis transformed into a politically correct shadow of his former self.
Personally I would like to see a grown up Dennis gunning down the Editorial board at the BBC, with an AK47 assault rifle. That's just my opinion.
