Down here in deepest darkest Kent the temperature is hovering close to freezing. Of course the much loved bird mincers are keeping the FE household warm with their huge power output.
Just look at the screen shot below to see how much one 59.8 MW site is producing.
Not a lot.
If only they knew what they had sold and then could deal with a simple enquiry.
Three and a half years ago, myself and Mrs FE, decided we would help our eldest daughter and her soon to be husband, to mount the first rung of the property owning ladder.
One product that caught our eye was named a “helping hand mortgage”, where we as parents would lock away a sum equal to 20% of the value of the property as surety, in return for interest on the sum. This bond was to remain in force for three and a half years after which we would have the money returned to us.
However you try getting the money back when most of the cretins at the bank (Black prancing equine) don’t even seem to know that such a product ever existed.
In October last year Mrs FE phoned them up and after being given the usual “Press 1 if you want to pay us more money”, “Press 2 if you think that we care”, ………….”Press 666 if you think that you might have a chance of speaking to anyone at all”, she was informed that we would receive a letter in due course.
Quick as a flash of light from the reflection off the blade of a wind turbine, nothing, Nada, zilch.
Mrs FE phoned them again on Tuesday only to find that the staff knew even less about this product than in October. She spoke to five different members of staff, before she actually managed to find someone that knew something about the deal. Even then he had to phone three other people before coming back with a definitive answer.
We are told to expect a letter before the weekend.
OMG. I’ve just seen a whole squadron of flying pigs doing aerobatics.
Oh no it hasn’t. It’s only just breaking on the BBC news of the fact that a Russian ship chartered by a group of Global warming enthusiasts, has been stuck in the ice off Antarctica.
This vid is the true story which the MSM won’t show you.
Don’t worry I’m sure it will all pan out safely.
1. Don’t give up smoking.
2. Keep drinking.
3. Eat more fatty foods.
4. Use more salt on my food.
5. Smack the children. ( Trouble is they’re now in their late twenties and early thirties, so they might smack me back).
6. Use more fossil fuel in my fireplace.
7. Remember to break the speed limits more often.
8. Shouting at the tele when vacuous politicians make grandstanding plays on subjects they know little about.
9. Laughing at those self same politicians when they have to make a u-turn within days.
10. Try to me more conscientious on this blog.
and finally
11. Remember to buy more paracetamol for next new years day.
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' ... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started...
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself." And that's when the fight started.....
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since." "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" And then the fight started...
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway." The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started...
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And that's how the fight started...
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds." I bought her a bathroom scale. And then the fight started......
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.' And then the fight started...
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." And then the fight started........
I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day! The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?' That's how the fight started.
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started.
Happy New Year.
During the Winter holiday season, all personnel and visitors are requested to note the following:
Please be advised that all persons planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs. This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers. Unlicensed carriers will be reported to the local licensing authority, and fixed penalties will be applied. Horses are liable to seizure by animal protection should Inspectors deem that overloading has occurred.
Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance. All resultant manure must be collected and disposed of in the appropriate recycle facility. Seat restraints must be worn.
Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night.
While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all facility users are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks.
The Angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that prior to shining his/her glory all around he/she must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory. Untrained personnel are restricted from this activity.
Following last year’s well publicised case, everyone is advised that EC legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr. R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.
While it is acknowledged that gift-bearing is commonly practised in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages.
It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded under provisions of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act. Such gifts must be declared in advance on page 193 of personal tax declarations. Being a King, regardless of qualification, does not qualify for exemption.
Furthermore, caution is advised regarding other common gifts, such as aromatic resins that may initiate allergic reactions. These must be supervised by an appropriately trained First Aider prior to receipt.
Finally, in the recent case of the infant found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed; Social Services have been advised and will be arriving shortly.
Merry Christmas,
Risk Management Team
*Nicked from Bill Sticker who nicked it from someone else*
Not the female kind, the retailer kind.
It’s not the ordering that’s at fault, it’s the delivery. I ordered four items yesterday and was given delivery forecasts for all four, of an estimated delivery slot of between the 17th and 21st. Now that’s a bad enough forecast in itself. Am I supposed to stay in for five days in a row? I think with all their money they are making, they can do better than that. However that’s not my point. Two items arrived this morning, four days adrift of the estimated delivery dates.
Does this mean that I have to stay at home for NINE bloody days now. I suggest that they tell their outside suppliers the delivery forecast dates and get them to adhere by them.
I personally think that they are in danger of losing customer satisfaction if they can’t buck up with their ludicrous forecasts.
Incidentally if Tesco’s, can not only name the day and give a two hour delivery slot in that day, then why can’t Amazon at the very least name a specific day.
Amazon. You’re pissing me off.
