Hurrah. It’s……….

Stoptober. (Bugger off, spellchecker, this is nothing to do with you. Get back in the closet).

Today we’ll see a new campaign exhort us smoking plebs (Oooh er, Did I just use a naughty word there?), to stop smoking for the month of  October.

Look you wankers in public health, and assorted fake charities such as ASH. I‘ve put up with National No Smoking day (I buy an extra pack on that day), but I’m seriously pissed off with the thought of the mindless drivel that we are going to be subjected to in the coming month.

Here’s a taster of that mindless drivel (Be sick if you wish).

Why should I stop? After all I’m contributing a fortune to the exchequer via excise duties. I’ve just done a quick calculation (On the back of a fag packet. Natch), that I’ve paid at least £35,000 in NI payments throughout my life, and still paying out of my pension. In that period I’ve had exactly five days off sick. I also  pay for private medical care and dentistry.

What is it with the Nu puritans who think that everyone has to conform to a state run norm? Are you trying to turn the country into some marxist, state run regime, only allowing the health fanatic elite to travel the Zil lanes to a supposed healthist utopia?

Well you can try, but you will fail with this smoker. I couldn’t give a shit about your silly games. I refuse to bow down to the nanny state.

What are you going to do about it?

Here’s my answer.

http://www.facebook.com/Octabber?filter=1

Our Navy fit for the 21st century.

How long before the description below comes true?

The Royal Navy is proud of its new fleet of Type 45 destroyers.
Having initially named the first two ships HMS Daring and HMS Dauntless.

The Naming Committee has, after intensive pressure from EU headquarters in Brussels, renamed them HMS Cautious and HMS Prudence.

The next five ships are to be named
HMS Empathy,
HMS Circumspect,
HMS Nervous,
HMS Timorous
and
HMS Apologist.

Costing £850 million each, they meet the needs of the 21st century and comply with the very latest employment, equality, health & safety and human rights laws.  The new user-friendly crow's nest comes equipped with wheelchair access.

Live ammunition has been replaced with paintballs to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number of compensation claims.

Stress counsellors and lawyers will be on duty 24hrs a day and each ship will have its on-board industrial tribunal.

The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and balanced in accordance with the latest Home Office directives on race, gender, sexuality and disability.

Sailors will only have to work a maximum of 37hrs per week in line with Brussels Health & Safety rules, even in wartime!

All the vessels will come equipped with a maternity ward and nursery, situated on the same deck as the Gay Disco.

Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but cannabis will be allowed in.

Also out has gone the occasional rum ration which is to be replaced by sparkling water.*

Condoms can be obtained from the Boatswain in a variety of flavours.

Saluting officers has been abolished because it is deemed elitist and is to be replaced by the more informal "Hello Sailor".

All information on notices boards will be printed in 37 different languages and Braille.

Crew members will now no longer be required to ask permission to grow beards or moustaches - this applies equally to women crew members.

The MoD is working on a new "non-specific" flag because the White Ensign is considered to be offensive to minorities.
The Union Flag has already been discarded.

The newly re-named HMS Cautious is due to be commissioned soon in a ceremony conducted by Captain Hook from the Finsbury Park Mosque who will break a petrol bomb over the hull.
She will gently slide into the water as the Royal Marines Band plays "In the Navy" by the Village People.

Her first deployment will be to escort boat loads of illegal
immigrants across the channel to ports on England's south coast.

The Prime Minister said, "While these ships reflect the very latest in modern thinking, they are also capable of being up-graded to comply with any new legislation coming out of Brussels."

His final words were, "Britannia waives the rules.

*The start of the slippery slope.

Exterminate *Hic*

The Doctor's Other Other Arch-Nemesis!

Just you try minimum pricing now.

It’s probably Leg-Iron coming back from Smokey Drinkey in disguise.

Full frontal picture of Duchess of Cambridge!

Scroll down ..........Duchess of Cambridge ..............Not for the under 18s............

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fun with text

 

A sad little movie

Here is a ship that I first served on in 1976, going to an ignominious end. I joined her when she was relatively new and working out of Portland Naval Base for The Flag Officer Sea Training (FOST). We were tasked to train the succession of ships undertaking Basic Operational Sea Training (BOST), in Replenishment At Sea (RAS).

These evolutions  are carried out at very close quarters with both the supplying ship and the receiving ship steaming at 12 Knots (Approximately 15 MPH).The evolutions consisted of liquid replenishment, diesel fuel. aviation fuel, and potable water. Then there is solid replenishment by heavy jackstay, and personnel transfer by light jackstay.

It’s a pity to see the old girl go like this. She served the country well.

RIP RFA Grey Rover.

Mind you I’ll probably be shaving with part of her before long

Computing

I’m sure this dialogue box is somewhere in my computer.

Quiz night.

Find an anagram for “Kate Middleton”

 

 

 

 

 

 

"naked tit model"

That’s me for the Tower then.

Cab Driver

One for the ladies

Not a truer word spoken in jest

This simple cartoon speaks for itself, in this countries, “minorities must be protected at all costs”.

Now I’ve been around for a while now and remember when we had an influx of workers from the Caribbean in the fifties and sixties. Most people were slightly suspicious of these immigrants as they were not the same as the indigenous population. However much to our surprise those people of a different colour were soon to be seen as valued members of our society. Coming from poverty stricken islands they took up the slack of those jobs that the feckless in our society would disdain to do. (Yes we had feckless in those days).

Now It would seem that us white Anglo Saxons are no longer able to even mention a word of denigration against anyone of “Colour”. Though it seems to me that the latest generation, of the descendants of the first immigrants, with their jeans tops around their lower buttocks, and their base ball caps on sideways, will probably stab you if you “Diss” them. (Respect being earned seems to have escaped them). 

Even a joke is frowned upon and is subject to a deep inrush of breath.

I found out amusingly how entrenched  the attitude to avoiding any mention of race has become.

Scenario:

The ship’s in port and a couple of Officers are being relieved.

The reliefs are expected on board at 1700. (That means 5 PM).

At 1800 your host is sitting in the Officers bar on his favourite bar stool accompanied by his admiring fans. (If you can believe that, then more fool you. The admiring fans that is).

At 1805 the bar door opens and in walks the new System Engineer. And guess what? He’s of the black persuasion.

My immediate greeting was :

Oi you black bastard, this is a white man’s bar, get out.

You could have heard a molecule drop. White terrified faces all round.

However a reply from the oppressed slave was forthcoming.

Suck my dick, you honky bastard, it’s your round.

Of course the Slave black man had been a friend of many years and we were brought up in an era where political correctness was not out of control as it is now.

The state as I see it has stifled banter, encouraged professional hate crime, and doing it’s best to stifle free speech.

I also strongly believe that those minorities that are forever shouting out at how they are being abused, are slowly but surely alienating the general, decent, law abiding public. 

We seem to have a society where individuals can’t stand up for themselves  and run crying to the courts, about every perceived slur on their character or life style.

But then again the Compensation culture has to be kept going.

Innit