Car for sale.

I just had to post the link to this. The owner should be snapped up by a prestigious marketing firm.

Ebay Advert

H/T to the Clown

Who said this, and why?

xxx xxxxxxxx grabbed her mobile phone from her handbag.

'I wasn't on hands-free, but I figured I wasn't really driving the car,' she said. 'I just screamed at the operator, "I'm going to die, I'm going to die! Can you do something?"

Answer

Weddings. How much should I have to fork out?

Considering the last daughter cost me £27,000. Would anything less be suitable for the other daughter?

Answers required.

Replies like: "you stupid twat",

"Who pays out that sort of money?", and

"tell them to bugger off". All are welcome.

Ideas will be considered.

Oh and bye the way. You have to justify your answer to my wife.

Welcome to the game of Marital chicken.

This might be the venue

Motoring today.

 

Why is it that Sunday brings out the worst drivers onto the Roads?

1. The old man in his Nissan Micra. Why do you need to wear a coat and hat in a car that has climate control? More importantly. Could you please for fuck's sake drive more than 25 Mph on the open road? Surely the clue was the thirty cars behind you. (At least my 220 BHP got a workout when overtaking him).

2. The M25 driver in the outside lane pegged to exactly 70 Mph and refuses to move over.

3. The woman at the Dartford crossing ahead of me. Before you set off next time. have the Toll charge ready. At least have your handbag in the front of the car.

4. I can't go on. My blood pressure is too high.

 

And that was only the outward journey. The return journey was worse because................. It was dark.

Chimps

 

I always said they were a waste of space. I'm talking about PCSOs here.

Supporters say they offer a reassuring uniformed presence on the streets, but critics – including many regular officers – have branded them "plastic policemen" or "CHIMPS", which stands for "completely hopeless in most policing situations".

It would appear that some of them are not too honest

There have been at least 2,233 investigations into PCSOs for alleged misconduct. By comparison, a total of 16,300 PCSOs are now serving nationally.

Now I'm off out to lunch. You can read the whole article here.

Just for fun

Bring it on John Mann

Tell me about the money, John

John Mann MP gets a bit touchy when he asked about an expenses repayment he made of £2,395.02

He says he claimed it on the wrong forms, and can't be arsed to reclaim it.

Every time somebody asks him about it, they're threatened with a libel action.

So, how about it, John, sue me if you like, but tell me what the money was for.

--------------------------------

note - To my fellow bloggers, cut and paste and put on your blog! He can't 'sue' us all.

 

H/T to Ranting Rab

Pumpkin Media

How many Web design companies are there at 17 Cornishway, Taunton?

 

http://www.pumpkin-media.co.uk/contactus.php

http://www.webeurope.co.uk/

http://www.easycms.co.uk/

And they've all got the same telephone number.

Karl Winn. You can run but you can't hide.

And your new site is still crap.

And from Google

Webeurope is a busy website design company based in Taunton, Somerset. We are fast becoming the largest web design company in the South West area, ...

How do you all fit in to the same building?

Aaaaaaargh (Again and again)

Any of you that are regular readers of this Blog will have noticed that I have had trouble with the Utility Companies,  serving my deceased Uncle's property.

Just when I thought it was all cut and dried I find lying on his doormat, this:

I really despair. This time it was TalkTalk. Just getting through to them was bad enough. The customer services number on their web site has four options. Guess what? Option 4, which I needed, didn't work.

The next number I found produced a very unhelpful lady from abroad who tried to make out it was all my fault in someway. I hadn't followed out their procedure. I tried to explain in simple words that as I wasn't their customer, how could I possibly know their mores and customs? (Oh and needless to say, her Supervisor was conveniently out.)

Found another number The Cones cancellation hotline, and after eventually fighting my way remorselessly up the queue, and being told every step of the way "that my custom was important to them", I finally reached someone who could actually do something.

Even then after explaining to the young Scottish Lassie that it really was their ineptitude that had caused all this in the first place, she had the cheek to suggest that I do all the leg work in setting it straight. I "politely"* declined.

The worst thing about it is they never apologise.

* Only slightly sweary language used. No "C"words were harmed in the making.

Ooh Err

Looking through my stats I find this search:

"pictures of hairy cunts wide open"

I'm now a world famous porn site!