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Wednesday, 14 September 2011

Cows and global warming. The game’s afoot.

I gather Al Gore, High priest of AGW, is calling for all us to make this a day of action on climate change.

I think you will prefer this instead.

The Collegians For A Constructive Tomorrow call for a day of genuine “climate realism,” instead. CFACT Collegians are responding with a bit of online levity.

CFACT’s Methane Madness game trains online players to help “Pal Gore” control the climate by corking cows and watching them float away. Methane is more potent than CO2 as a greenhouse gas but less than 1% of atmospheric greenhouse gases come from cattle. Even so, radical climate campaigners call for shutting down our cattle and dairy industries, along with much of the rest our economy. They’d even like us to go vegan.

So I give you this courtesy of WUWT.

 

Methane Madness or kill them darn cows.

Much more fun in my opinion.

The latest Game show

Good Day and welcome to a brand new edition of 'ASYLUM'.

Today's program features another chance to take part in our exciting competition: HIJACK AN AIRLINER and win A COUNCIL HOUSE !
We've already given away hundreds of millions of pounds and thousands of dream homes, courtesy of our sponsor, The British Taxpayer.

And don't forget, we're now the fastest growing game on the planet.
Anyone can play, provided they don't already hold a valid British Passport, and you only need one word of English: ASYLUM'

Prizes include all-expenses-paid accommodation, cash benefits starting at £180 a week and a chance to earn thousands more begging, mugging, burgling, and accosting drivers at traffic lights.
This competition is open to everyone buying a ticket or stowing away on one of our partner airlines, ferry companies or Eurostar.
No application ever refused - reasonable or unreasonable. All you have to do is destroy all your papers and remember the magic password: 'ASYLUM'

A few years ago, 140 members of a Taliban family from Afghanistan were flown Goat Class from Kabul to our international gateway at Stansted where local law enforcement officers were on hand to fast-track them to their luxury £200-a-night rooms in the fabulous four star Hilton Hotel. They joined tens of thousands of other lucky winners already staying in hotels all over Britain .......
Our most popular destinations also include the White Cliffs of Dover and the world famous Toddington Services area, in Historic Bedfordshire.

If you still don't understand the rules, don't forget, there's no need to phone a friend or ask the audience
Just apply for legal aid. Hundreds of lawyers, social workers and counsellors are waiting to help – FREE. It won't cost you a penny. It could change your life forever. So play today.

Iraqi terrorists, Afghan dissidents, Albanian gangsters, pro-Pinochet activists, anti-Pinochet activists, Kosovan drug-smugglers, Tamil Tigers, bogus Bosnians, Rwandan mass murderers, Somali guerrillas...the list is endless

EVERYONE IS WELCOME - INCLUDING ALL YOUR OWN WIVES AND CHILDREN
COME ON DOWN !
Get along to the airport ! Get along to the lorry park !
Get along to the ferry terminal ! Don't stop in Germany or France ! All European countries will willingly speed you on your way !
Come straight to Britain
And you are:
**** GUARANTEED ****
to be one of tens of thousands of lucky winners in the easiest game on earth. Everyone's a winner, when they play

'ASYLUM'

I don’t think our politicians have been watching it though.

Tuesday, 13 September 2011

Bastards

I  had a cheap Nissan Micra as a second car. This car was used to get my son through his driving test and subsequently was used by him to travel to work.

The long and short of it was, that the little run around, became terminally ill, and my son decided to buy another car and decided to insure it in his own name, He needed to build up a  no claims bonus.

All well and good you might say.

Bollocks.

I rang the insurance company that purported to to be customer friendly and asked to cancel the insurance. Of course I could, said the semi trained English language graduate(Reading from a script). However I would have to pay a cancellation fee of £50.

I’ve also got to send back the insurance certificate. As far as I’m concerned the £50 entitles me to that piece of paper.

Still being a law abiding member of the public , I shall send it back to them.

1. Large Jiffy bag

2. Certificate will be shredded in the name of security

3. Just in case terrorists might try to intercept and use it, the jiffy bag will be filled with 2 kg of lead sheet that I have surplus to requirements.

4. Oh dear. I forgot to pay for the postage.

 

Zurich Insurance. Don’t even think about trying to sell me any insurance , ever.

The unusual history of long established British sayings / remarks / customs etc :-

There is an old Hotel/Pub in Marble Arch, London , which used to have a gallows adjacent to it. Prisoners were taken to the gallows (after a fair trial of course) to be hanged. The horse-drawn dray, carting the prisoner, was accompanied by an armed guard, who would stop the dray outside the pub and ask the prisoner if he would like ''ONE LAST DRINK''.

If he said YES, it was referred to as ONE FOR THE ROAD.

If he declined, that prisoner was ON THE WAGON.

So there you go.  Now read on ...........

They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot and then once a day it was taken and sold to the tannery. If you had to do this to survive you were "piss poor", but worse than that were the really poor folk, who couldn't even afford to buy a pot, they "Didn't have a pot to piss in" and were the lowest of the low.

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be........

Facts about the 1500s:

Most people got married in June, because they took their yearly bath in May and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell a bit, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odour. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water!"

Houses had thatched roofs, thick straw piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom, where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. So a piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold. (Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight, then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: ''Peas pudding hot, peas pudding cold, peas pudding in the pot, nine days old''.

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over they would hang up their bacon, to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "Bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around talking and ''chewing the fat''.

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous!

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, while head of the house and his guests got the top, or ''The Upper Crust''.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around eating and drinking while waiting to see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of ''Holding a Wake''.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people, so they would dig up coffins, take the bones to a bone-house and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realised they had been burying people alive! So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, thread it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift) to listen for the bell; thus someone could be either, ''Saved by the Bell '', or was considered a ''Dead Ringer''

And that's the truth.

Now, whoever said history was boring ! ! !

Another Public service announcement.

 

H/T to David Wheeler

Monday, 12 September 2011

Zil Lanes

I’m just glad that I don’t live in central London a rely on a car to go about my business. At least next year.

Unprecedented measures include road closures for official Olympic access only; pedestrianisation near sports venues and side streets shut for London 2012 operations.

Analysis also reveals that the Olympic-only lanes form only a fraction of the routes restricted for Games purposes.

It will be a wake-up call for commuters and business who are being urged by transport chiefs to plan now to avoid potential disruption.

It bad enough driving in London now.

The central zone forms part of the 109-mile Olympic Route Network which is designed to guarantee travel times between venues for athletes, media, officials and VIPs.

Personally I think the routes should only be for the athletes. The media, officials and so called VIP’s should practise a bit of time management like the rest of us will have to do.

FFS.

Figures provided by TfL show:

79 banned turns along the ORN to speed up traffic.

48 pedestrian crossings suspended.

256 parking bays affected - 120 suspended, 27 relocated and 109 with adjusted hours of operation outside the ORN (6am to midnight).

Olympic_road_map-480

I wish Londoners luck next year.

Sunday, 11 September 2011

Hotels. (Spit)

What is it with British Hotels? Why is it that all seem to conform to a low standard?

Last night I stayed in one such establishment. The advertising Blurb for our “Luxury Double bedroom” no way lived up to expectations.

Four Poster bed was the main theme. Now I expect a large room with a huge bed nestling in the centre. Nope. How can a bed with a faux canopy over the head end, possibly be called “Four Poster”. Where were the other two posts? (I wonder if I can get a rebate?)

How can it be called luxurious, if you have to be as slim as a pencil to negotiate round said bed?

Of course there was the En Suite. The usual cheap as chips shower, over an old bath, and surely they could have afforded a toilet roll holder? (Maybe I’m being a bit picky here).

Chintz furnishings? Oh so last century.

Why should I have to rebuild the bedside lamp?

The usual tea and coffee making facility. It’s a pity the kettle didn’t work. Is their no professionalism, in that it might be an idea if they checked these things in advance?

Surely they could supply me with a front door key? It’s not much fun having to find your way round to the back of the hotel in the dark and enter via the fire exit.

Breakfast. Don’t get me started. Tea and Coffee. Great. Most of us would like some milk. Just because I said I’d be down for breakfast doesn’t mean that I’ve automatically signed up for a full English. I only wanted toast.

And finally. There was a large car park. Covered in gravel. You try pulling your wheelie suitcase across gravel. Believe you me, it’s like swimming in treacle.

I’m glad to be home. (WE haz toilet role holdar).

Saturday, 10 September 2011

One brave Lady

 

This was a female air force pilot ready to ram the remaining Hijacked airliner on 9/11.

Fun

party

I’m off to a party tonight so don’t expect any insightful blogging today.

Friday, 9 September 2011

warning

This is an American Vid but it shows how the Nanny state is determined to gain as much hold over us as possible using dubious statistics at best.

I’m personally getting fed up with being “nudged” into anything. I’ve lived long enough to know what is right for me from a material and moral position.

I’m heartily fed up to the teeth with Fake Charities such as ASH and Alcohol Concern telling me what I should or should not do.

At the very least I expect them to tell the truth, not just make it up as they go along. I mean for Fucks sake, where did ASH get the statistics that “88% of smokers want to give up”. They never consulted this bunny about it. We all know as well that the so called safe limits on alcohol were picked out of thin air.

It would seem that they are still at it

If you haven't already bookmarked the excellent Straight Statistics, you really should. Their latest article is a routine debunking of some routine junk science from Alcohol Con(cern) who came up with the amazing finding that alcohol sales correlate with alcohol consumption. Or, to be precise, that alcohol-related hospital admissions are correlated with the number of off-licenses in an area.

It’s about time that twat Cameron grew a set of balls and cut their public funding. After all if they have the support of the public then the public will donate to them.

And don’t get me started on obesity or salt…………………………………………………

I think I’ll have another cigarette and wash it down with at least 20 units of whisky.

Trouble with overheating?

My service to the motoring public.