Am I Stupid?

Today I received this in my Email

HM Revenue & Customs (HMRC)
22/08/2013

TAX REFUND NOTIFICATION

Dear Sir/Madame,

After the last annual calculations of your fiscal activity we have determined that you are eligible to receive a tax refund of 379.83 GBP
Please submit the tax refund request and allow us 6-9 days in order to process it.

To access your tax refund, please follow the steps bellow:
- download the Tax Refund Form attached to this email
- open it in a browser (recommended internet explorer)
- follow the instructions on your screen
NOTE: Fill in all required fields, otherwise the refund process will be canceled.

A refund can be delayed for a variety of reasons. For example submitting invalid records or applying after the deadline.
Revenue and Tax Administrator
HM Revenue & Customs
Tax Credit Office
PO Box 1970

To which I as a greedy tax dodger replied by filling in their on line form.

Did I miss out on a refund?

You have been warned.

A public service broadcast from Filthy Engineer Productions^TM.

Somewhere on the Kent coast…..

Is a pub with one of the best smoking shelters I’ve come across.

High on the cliff top there is a hostelry that is always full. One of the reasons being is that it caters for smokers. It doesn’t consider 25% of the population as scum like some pubs in my area.

Overlooking the English channel is a large patio and nestling on one quarter, is a large shed situated close to the doors to the pub. This shed is of adequate proportions to allow at least twenty smokers to enjoy a cigarette in comfort. There are comfortable chairs, tables, superb heating and lighting and of course myriad ashtrays.

The beauty about it,  is that apart from the entrance, it is totally enclosed. Breaking the law you say? Well yes temporarily. However if an antismoking Nazi Inspector were to approach, sections of the side can be jettisoned in seconds, thereby conforming to the regulations.

It is interesting to note that just recently a smoking friend of mine entered the shelter on a blustery day to find a man and woman sitting there. When my friend lit up the woman immediately did the usual anti smoking hand waving, nose wrinkle and asked my friend in a petulant voice to stop smoking. My friend replied that the couple didn’t have to be in there. Her reply was that they were sheltering from the wind.

My friend doesn’t mince her words normally, but this time pointed to the large sign above the woman’s head. “Smoking shelter”.

They left eventually as my friend on returning to the pub, mobilised every smoker to use the shelter even if they didn’t really want a cigarette.

Needless to say the woman and her partner hurriedly left.

And no, I’m not going to divulge the location apart to say it’s somewhere between Eastbourne and the Isle of Grain.

That poll

A few days ago I posted up a poll trying to gauge the response to smoking rooms in public houses. Below is produced the results as of last night. Now ASH (Action on Smoking and Health) would have you believe the opposite. When the smoking ban was introduced in 2007 they gaily came out with the statistic that 80% favoured this draconian law. My simple poll would beg to disagree.

My stats show that almost the exact opposite is the prevailing view. When you add “Most certainly”, “Maybe”, and “No I prefer to get pissed at home”, you arrive at a figure of 81%. The “No”, and “I hate smokers so I would boycott the pub”, just muster 17%.

Governments seem to have the prevailing view that they know best. I say bollocks to that. It’s my life and I’ll do what I want with it. I refuse to be a statist clone that religiously eats his “five a day”, eschews alcohol, and cycles everywhere to save the world from “Global warming” or whatever the new mantra is now. (FFS, don’t get me started on cyclists on a Sunday morning in rural Kent).

Incidentally I came across the best smoking shelter situated on the Kent coastline this weekend. Most of the time it was eighty percent enclosed, but with the provision that the windows could be ejected within seconds. Mind you I doubt whether the smoking inspector would have lived after being tossed off the white cliffs even if he had objected.

If I had my way, and was in Government I would stop the government funding of Neo Puritan organisations such as ASH and Alcohol Concern, and tell them to take a running jump.

I want two of these.

For the Grandchildren.

Pub smoking poll.

Just a quick poll.

Be truthfull. (Actually you can tick whatever floats your boat).

If Pubs had a smoking room, would you visit them more often?
	Most certainly
	Maybe
	No
	I hate smokers so I would boycott the pub.
	Drink is evil. I would never cross the doorstep of a pub
	No. I prefer to get pissed at home.
	Undecided
	Refuse to vote on this poll as I'm like that.
pollcode.com free polls

Drug smuggling Lite

Much has been made in the MSM today of two girls caught drug smuggling in Peru.

Two British girls locked up in Peruvian jail have not eaten for seven days and are said to be terrified and hysterical after they were arrested on suspicion of trying to smuggle £1.5million of cocaine out of the country.

Michaella McCollum Connolly, 20, and Melissa Reid, 19, are being held in maximum security cells following claims the pair may have been working for a South American cartel.

However this is the tip of a very large iceberg.

A few years back whilst on patrol on counter drug ops in the Caribbean we received intelligence that their was a fishing vessel that was a prime suspect due to the course it was heading. After shadowing it from a point astern, over the horizon, we were ordered to close and board it at first light in the morning.

Morning came and we pounced. Actually No! On demanding full power from the diesel electric power system a Thyristor decided to blow, leaving us almost dead in the water. Well there’s also tomorrow.

Tomorrow came and things actually went to plan. After working up to full speed we launched our Lynx helicopter with orders to tell the fishing boat to heave to. (Nautical term for STOP). Of course the fishing vessel stopped. You would too, if you saw a grey chopper  circling you and pointing a Mk 48 mini gun in your general direction.

Anyway I digress.

On catching up with the fishing vessel our boarding team discovered quite a haul of cocaine in 1Kg packets. How many you ask? 3,200 Kg in all. Approximately 1 billion dollars at todays estimated street value.

We boarded another two vessels in a two month period in which forensics also estimated that they had carried large quantities similar to our bust.

So when the MSM crow about a mere 11 Kg, then they’re being distracted from the big picture.

DOH.

Love it or hate it?

 

It would seem that the Neo-puritans have even less of a sense of humour than I thought.

A TV advert in which a spoof rescue team saves "stricken" jars of Marmite from homes where they have been neglected has prompted 278 complaints.

Some 250 complaints were received by the Advertising Standards Authority in just 24 hours, following the advert's debut on Monday evening.

Those who objected found the advert "offensive" and "in poor taste", said a spokesman for the ASA.

FFS can’t you see it’s a spoof.

Comments include the like of this.

"This ad shows no regard for all those involved with animal welfair [sic] and I personaly [sic] will no longer eat Marmite till this ad is pulled," wrote one.

Hah.

And from a main suspect.

The RSPCA (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) said it understood that "animal lovers are concerned on our behalf".

Bollocks. I’m an animal lover and even I can see the advert as a light-hearted parody.

Wankers.

Women drivers?