Engineering Laws

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3..Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act

4.. Law of Random Numbers- If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5.. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the very next morning you will have a flat tyre..

6.. Variation Law - If you change  traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7..Law of the Bath- When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8..Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9..Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10.Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11..Law of the Theatre-  At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance is over. The people in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. . The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12.The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14.Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15... Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

My Law- If I write a blog post on a subject, someone will always write a better article about it on their blog

The new face of evil

This woman is going to drive millions into poverty just when we need to get  out of the hole we are in.

Of course she has a science background. No I thought not.

She was born and grew up in Wales,^[3] and graduated in English literature at Queens' College,

And of course as I would expect she has no real idea of the real world. This is her CV.

In the mid 1990s, she worked for an environmental charity, and by 2000 had moved to work for Friends of the Earth as a climate change campaigner. She then worked for the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs, implementing public awareness campaigns and helping draft the Climate Change Bill, before becoming head of government relations for the energy company, Scottish and Southern Energy. She left to form Sandbag in 2008.[5]

I find the next, truly disgusting. Our newly elected PM sucked up to this woman just to try and gain party dominance in elections.

But, then something changed, we then had a newly elected leader of the opposition. So David Cameron came in and wanted to reinvent the Conservative Party. And he decided to take an environmental theme. He changed the logo to a tree and he’d obviously listened to the focus groups. He’d realised that the environment was actually an issue for the electorate. So he was lobbied by the Friends of the Earth and he said, “Yeah, I’ll deliver you a Climate Change Act. If you vote me in I’ll give you the bill you want that will bring in this legal framework.” And that was hugely important, that Friends of the Earth campaign that enabled that got the opposition to take up this policy was really important.

I’ll now let you watch the video in peace. If you have the stomach to watch propaganda at work.

If you want to instead read the entire transcript, nip over to Bishop Hill

Beware of Greeks with Trojan Horses

 

Sorry Miss.

Some excuses from kids that didn’t do their Homework

Note the spelling and Grammar.

Sorry Miss, I thort that I didn’t now that we had to wight sentinis as well.

and.

I am reely sorry that I have no handed my home work in At the corect time and I should de more organased and more responnsadal for my own home work.

more.

I will cope ever think think thick(My note: You got it right the first time) you rate on the bord sorry miss.

Another.

my orginiseing was atrotious. I am very sorry you had to waste time at breake. I will make sure this never happen again.

Last one.

dear Miss XXXXXXXXxX I am sorry for not doing my homework just wrote the wrong date down it will never happen agian I just did not liston to ensusions (?) and did not write in properly

 

We wonder why we have so many jobless at the moment? These were all written by secondary school pupils.

I actually found it quite difficult to transpose those from the written word into this post.

BBC Speechless As Trader Tells Truth: “The Collapse Is Coming…And Goldman Rules The World”

The BBC presenters were gobsmacked by this truth from a Trader.

I think I need to move some money. Be right back.

H/T to Zerohedge

If computer problems were real.

 

The hell of trudging

Cheeeldren

Nothing but trouble. Mine should have been drowned at birth.

That got your attention.

It would seem to be the fashion these days to have milestone birthday celebrations in a style that I was never accustomed to. In my day you invited people round to your residence with the stern command of “Bring a bottle”. whereupon you went out, bought the cheapest plonk available, and then consumed whatever you fancied. Then everyone went home.

NOW.

You’re invited to a do, in a pub in the middle of nowhere, and expected to buy high price liquor, which you normally wouldn’t even entertain. (Bloody hell. I’ve gone into rambling mode already). However the worst is yet to come. After spending the whole evening drinking far too much, the truly awful consequences are revealed that night. Mrs FE has told all of the Daughters, Brother’s in Law, Nieces, son’s, etc. , that they can all stay at FE towers for the night.

Apart from the fact that the whisky lake is now looking like the surface of Mars, the buggers wanted a “Cooked Breakfast” this morning.

First is the gentle command (Demand) by Mrs FE, “We need more bacon”. Off I trudge up the road and procure said pork product.

On returning from my imitation of a polar expedition (I had a head like a nuclear reaction), I’m met with the request(order), “we need some orange juice”.

Trudging continues.

very concerned shop girl

trudges back.

“We need more bacon.”

trudges back to the shop (Shop Staff now very worried that FE might die )

That was breakfast over with.

Lunch.

“We need some wine”.

Trudging now has become equivalent  to some punishment in the 9th circle of hell.

All’s well, that ends well.(Does it buggery)

Wine procured .

“Can you see if the shop has some garlic”? That is not a question when it comes from your betrothed.

Trudge.

Main course complete. Roast lamb very nice.

Pudding was either rhubarb crumble or ice cream. FE’s favourites.

But trudging was on the Agenda again.

“Can you see if the shop has any cream?”

Trudge.

Anyhoo they’ve all left. time for a whisky.

TRUDGE.

I need to go and lie down.

Tough Love vs. Spanking - Good Argument

Some people think it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of 'those moments.'

One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk.

Some say it's the vibration from the car, others say it's the time away from any distractions such as TV, Video Games, Computer, IPod, etc.

Either way, kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together.  Eye to eye contact helps a lot too.

I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It worked for my kids.

They’re doing it again

It would appear that Facebook doesn’t like me posting about corrupt Politicians as I stated in my Post yesterday.

Here’s another one they blocked. I wonder why?

http://niklowe.blogspot.com/2011/08/all-aboard-eu-gravy-train.html

Could be it’s a few sweary words.

 

Cunts

Duck

The Angry Exile is doomed I say.

The trajectory of the falling satellite that’s in the news, seems to me to be getting closer and closer to eastern Australia.

 

Here can be found danger. Refresh the screen as required

 

A public service broadcast from TFE.