1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3..Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act
4.. Law of Random Numbers- If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
5.. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the very next morning you will have a flat tyre..
6.. Variation Law - If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
7..Law of the Bath- When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8..Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9..Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10.Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11..Law of the Theatre- At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance is over. The people in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. . The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12.The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14.Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
15... Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
My Law- If I write a blog post on a subject, someone will always write a better article about it on their blog
Crun's Law of the ATM:ReplyDelete
The distance to the ATM is inversely proportional to the likelihood of an old lady getting there ahead of you.
Number 4 is incorrect, as you never know when you get the engaged tone if it was a wrong number. You just assume the person you were ringing is on the phone. Same goes when the phone rings and rings. Could be a wrong number where the person was out.ReplyDelete
Otherwise spot on!
No 2 - Your favourite BLACK handled pair of cutters will fall through a tiny gap into the oil/water catching sump underneath a Perkins diseasel engined genset. A BLACK metal sump which in turn is surrounded by the acoustic enclosure...ReplyDelete
I don't think I'll see them again...
No 6 - The left hand lane at the lights has a 38ton artic and sundry other vehicles queuing. The right hand lane a solitary BMW/Audi/Merc etc. Guess which one pulls away faster?
And which lane I chose?
You must have come across the Law of the Laugh.ReplyDelete
When numerous hands are engaged in carrying something that is in reality far too heavy to be carried someone will start laughing which instantly infects everyone else putting everyone's safety at risk.
Happened all the time during my time as plumber int' shipyard.
"15... Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about."ReplyDelete
15... Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible to those who don't know what they're talking about.
Solutions for some of the various laws..in numerical orderReplyDelete
1. wear surgical gloves..then when you have a dire need to scratch pull em off, do whatever you need to and then pull on a new pair.
2. Extendible pole magnet. I've got 2 18" ones...I want some longer ones.
3. uhmmm..true. got nothing for this one.
4. Well you can always take it with a sense of humor alter your voice to an indian accent and say "Hello this is Punjabs House of Poontang. Is Pussy Galore there? [yeah I know I'm warped]
5.*shrug* got nothing for that one except..karma is a bitch.
6. Switch to a main battle tank for a daily driver. then traffic is never an issue. Sigh...don't I just wish.
7. Take a shower instead, hook up and answer machine or just say 'hell with it..if they want to talk to me that badly they can call back'
8. I don't know...I think this one can be written off to two things. nerves and mind over matter.
9.Apply blunt force trauma with your fist. if that isn't sufficien, try your foot encased in steel toed boot. If that doesn't work try a sledgehammer..and if THAT doesn't work...apply a couple pounds of tnt and blow the recalcitrent machine to smithereens with satisfied and maniacal grin on your face. Need to teach the machines who's boss after all
11.Guilty..I like the aisle seats so if I do have to get up..I'm not walking across anyone's view. I don't really get surly about other people doing it.
12. Don't know about this one I don't drink coffee.
13.Well so long as the other one is cute and female *I* don't have a problem with it. *grin*
14. No that happens all the time unfortunately and I've found has nothing to do with age or cost of the rug. just clutziness.
15. when dealing with this type of personality just put your head in your hands and shake your head from side to side as you resign yourself to sit there and listen.
16.eh..I don't really care how I look so long as I'm comfortable so *shrug*
17. Unfortunately I was vaccinated with phonograph needle at birth.
18. that one there is no solution to. Let me put it this way..best cell phone I ever owned..they stopped making ohhhh..16yrs ago or so..which I discovered after having it vibrate off a coffee maker and into the dogs water dish and ended up having to get a new phone instead of replacing it with the same model. damn I miss that phone.
19. Never had that problem..I avoid the doctor at all costs as it is. So I don't go unless it's SERIOUS..or I need a renewed prescription for one of the allergy meds I have to take to be able to freakin breathe.
as you 'my law' I don't know about BETTER..but someone [guilty as charged] will invariably take it and write about it from a different perspective.
Thanks for those interesting replies.Gives me an idea...................ReplyDelete