Update on my health

I have decided on a new exercise program.

I am walking with a neighbour every day.

I never knew walking with someone else was such an incentive.

We don't talk much during the walk though.

My neighbour walks about 10 feet ahead of me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I only started this program two weeks ago.

So far, I have followed her 10 miles
Without even using my cane
I'm feeling better each mile and my heart condition, and my blood pressure, and my back, & my libdo
seem to be improving too!!

Thanks for your concern

Sex insurance

THE correct insurance companies for sex ........

SEX with your wife -Legal & General 

SEX with your future wife-Mutual Trust

SEX with your secretary - Employers Liability

SEX with a prostitute - Commercial Union 

SEX on the telephone- Direct line

SEX with your biographer - Quote me happy 

SEX in a hurry- Insure & go

SEX with your boyfriend -Standard Life

SEX with a transvestite- Confused. com

SEX with someone different - Go compare. com 

SEX with an animal - Compare the meerkat. com

SEX with a fat bird - More Than 

SEX on the back seat - Sheila's wheels

SEX with an o.a.p- Saga

SEX with a posh bird - Privilege .com 

SEX with a sheep - Farmers Union

Anymore, Anyone?

Rubbish

They really are trying it on. First two weekly, collections, now none at all.

Householders living in rural areas have been issued with giant bin liners and told to drive their rubbish to collection points in one of the most audacious council cuts yet seen. Bosses at Rossendale council in Lancashire are scrapping collections from outlying areas in a move aimed at saving £92,000.

I assure you that if they tried that with me I would  self nominate the council offices, as my rubbish collection point of choice.

You could of course get rid of this waste of space at the next elections.

Rossendale Labour councillor Christine Lamb said: 'It's costing a lot more money to collect from these homes. It's 200 per cent more because we have to have specialised vehicles.

Do tell me what is so special about these vehicles. My local dustcart seems capable of getting most places. Are yours fitted with tank tracks?

Or this one,

Peter Sheen, of the environmental services committee, said: 'We have to find a smarter and more efficient way of doing things.We are looking at every penny we spend to make savings.We have to face tough choices.'

The smartest thing you can do Peter is your job. I think we could save a pretty penny if the council just treated you as rubbish and just dropped you.

By the way, how come they only work a four day week?

Rossendale Borough Council currently operates a refuse and recycling collection service working on a 4 day week (Tuesday - Friday).

Pedestrianisation

This snuck under my Radar.

POLLUTION has become so bad in Tonbridge that the council is considering pedestrianising the High Street.

The only reason that the traffic density is so high in Tonbridge is that, although there is a byepass round Tonbridge and also round Tunbridge Wells to the south, they forgot one teensy weensy point that would be quite usefull. To make them effective they need to be JOINED together. Bearing in mind that this was proposed nearly fifteen years ago.

Now Tonbridge and Malling Borough Council has developed an action plan to combat the fumes, with the use of the town centre for pedestrians "at its heart".

As well as a pedestrianisation scheme, the plan also proposes stricter parking enforcement to reduce "idling of engines", as well as improved junctions in the town centre and a reduction in harmful emissions from buses.

Stricter parking enforcement. FFS, Notwithstanding that they’ve pushed the price of parking in the car parks up by 15% this year, they’ve already got a Gestapo of their own that would make Hitler proud.

Of course the usual suspect turns up to put his oar in.

But Kent Green Party  watermelon spokesman Steve Dawe said pedestrianisation was the only step that would bring pollution down to a "safe" level.

As a local commentator piles in with a few facts to refute the above.

“These figures are completely incorrect .The figures quoted are µgm-3 levels which is not the same as ppm.If you look at the air quality website and study the data in context the NO2 levels are considered low at the monitoring site in Tonbridge High Street.
There are obviously spikes which is only to be expected given that the official monitoring site is above a bus stop (My embolden)but generally the levels are low.At no time over the last month has the N02 reading in Tonbridge High Street been higher than moderate which was just one day.The rest of the month the N02 levels have been Low .Either someone doesnt understand science or the figures are being deliberately misrepresented for political gain.”

However the watermelon must show his stupidity further.

"It has  the busiest station in terms of passengers in the whole of Kent. Tonbridge also has an unusual number of secondary schools and there are people coming and going in and out of Tonbridge on a daily basis.

Now let me see.

Point one. "It is the busiest station in terms of passengers …….. Well why did some fuckwit reduce the drop off points from five to three.

Point two.  unusual number of secondary schools………. Could this be that Tonbridge has three of the best Grammar schools in the country?

And finally. This.

"From a commercial point of view, the level of vacancies in the High Street is getting higher. Pedestrianisation would increase the footfall of people in the area."

No it won’t There are bugger all  decent shops left. They’ve all moved out of Town where the parking is free. That’s where most people go to shop.

Maybe the council thinks we all shop at poundstretchers, charity shops, or at Lidle. Because that’s all we’ve got left.

I suppose next they’ll want a smoke free pedestrian high street. They’d better be quick if they want to be the first.

The truth about the cause of climate change

Apparently it’s caused by polar bears wearing blue hats. Who’d of thunk it. Can I have my PH d now?

I don’t think that was the message this site meant to give. I think someone was having a bit of fun at the expense of the site owners. Climate Change Education. org

I wonder also where they got their Oz accents from? A long way for polar bears to swim for a holiday.

Classified Ads

These are classified ads, which were placed in a U.K. newspaper:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.

8 years old.

Hateful little bastard...

Bites!

FREE PUPPIES.

1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.

FREE PUPPIES...

Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.

Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.

Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!

Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.

Worn once by mistake.

Call Stephanie.

**** And the WINNER is... ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER.

Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.

Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

Statement of the Century

Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly.

"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"

A Lhunatic

Britain has some of the lowest energy prices in Europe, Energy Secretary Chris Huhne has insisted.

Well Cunt you millionaire twat, how come my future gas and electric are set to rise by 18% when energy prices are stable at the moment. You can bluster all you like, but more of the general public are starting to become aware that your panacea of so called “Green” energy is coming at a price.

And this heap of utter twaddle from a man that is a multi millionaire, who I suspect has never watched his meter spinning like a whirling dervish in winter.

And he said prices would be reduced in the long term as Britain moves from its reliance on oil and gas from the Middle East to renewable energy sources.

Do explain to me Cunt Mr Huhne, how many of those so called renewable sources were  generating power after 8 O’clock at night when we had the snow last winter. Wind was 0.7 %, and solar, obviously, was nil. (Just visit the DECC site http://www.decc.gov.uk/en/content/cms/statistics/publications/publications.aspx)

Just as an aside Mr Huhne. I’m afraid  that to call you the Right Honourable would cause me to be sick over my keyboard. How’s your speeding ticket affair coming along?

Relevant Sentencing Case Law

General sentencing brackets summarised in Archbold at 28-28 as follows:

• threatening or interfering with witnesses - 4 months to 24 months.
• concealing evidence - 4 months to 18 months, possibly longer if serious crime.
• false allegation of crime resulting in arrest of innocent person - 4 to 12 months.

Of course you, like all politicians you are as pure as the driven snow. Bugger me. I can’t remember typing that. Welcome dementia.

News flash.

An archaeological team, digging in London , has uncovered 10,000 year old bones and fossil remains 
Of what is believed to be the first Politician.

 

THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY!

We Must Stop This Immediately*

Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper. shopping bags are heavier and, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?**

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection well, REALLY NOW even mirrors are not made the way they used to be.

Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the motorway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.**

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank. Do they think I actually 'believe' the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much!
Just who do these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the** telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there!

All I can do is pass along this warning
WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!**
Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.

PLEASE post this on your blog AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!**

PS: I am writing this in a larger font size, because something has happened to my computer's fonts - they are smaller than they once were.

Stony Stratford. The Sequel

It would seem that the locals don’t think much about Councillor Bartlett either. Just a few comments posted on the facebook page of AboutMyArea. If you don’t know the story about this pompous fuckwit, just clink on his linky name.

"What about the smokers who work in Stony? Will they have to get in their cars and drive outside the town limits to have a smoke? Most will get in their cars and leave Stony well behind. I'm an ex-smoker and agree with not smoking in shops and offices but this is prohibition by any other means. And will this ban apply to people smoking in their own gardens so that they don't offend their neighbours?" Derek Barrett

"If this is the top of the list of priorities on the town council agenda then all other problems must have been solved then? I suggest the town council spend their time looking at setting up a trust for the people of Stony Stratford with their first aim of taking complete control of the library its books and the building. This is likely to attract more interest" Kevin DeCort

"I appreciate the reasoning behind this. Why not consider banning smoking in certain areas, e.g. The High Street, outside schools, doctors. I am a smoker and I ALWAYS find a bin or ashtray to extinguish my cigarette, I don't throw them on the floor. Perhaps it would be an idea to also ban chewing of gum in the street as that makes much more mess and costs taxpayers much more to clean up." Sue Gray

"If this goes ahead businesses in Stony are really going to suffer, especially pubs...what a waste of time and resources...I don't even smoke and I'm annoyed!" Emma Kennedy

"I have never smoked in my life, but the only outcome i can see, of this proposed ban would be the death of Stony's vibrant social life. The pubs/bars and restaurants would most definitely suffer, and because my husband smokes, we would more likely drink in our local village pub instead of taking a walk into Stony, for a meal and a drink."  Fiona Nicholls

"I'm a non smoker but really don't think a smoking ban in open spaces is necessary or beneficial to Stony Stratford. Businesses are having a bad enough time right now as it is without pushing more customers away from the High Street. If the ...council want to tackle the problem of cigarette butts being thrown on the floor etc maybe they should look at installing more bins with ashtrays attached and that get emptied on a more regular basis! Banning smoking in open spaces is just not necessary!" Jonathan Woodward

I wonder if he’ll get re-elected.

Hah.                                                                           Pic stolen unashamedly from Lawson Narse.

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