A second opinion should have been obtained

 

The doctor said, 'Harry, the good news is I can cure your headaches.

The bad news is that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'
I was shocked and depressed. I wondered if I had anything to live for.

I had no choice but to go under the knife.

When I left the hospital, I was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but I felt like I was missing an important part of Myself.

As I walked down the street, I realized that I felt like a different person. I could make a new beginning and live a new life.
I saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit...'

I entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit..'
The elderly tailor eyed me briefly and said, 'Let's see... Size 44 long.'
I laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said..
I tried on the suit it fitted perfectly.
As I, admired myself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?'

I thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'
The salesman eyed me and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'
I was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years.'
I tried on the shirt and it fitted perfectly.

I walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?'
I thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.'
The salesman said, 'Let's see... Size 36.
I laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.'

The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. a size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.'

ASH lobbying FAIL

 

They’re still at their same despicable tricks. ASH that is, Here in 1990 the CEO of ASH being resoundingly castigated for trying to stack the deck in the APPG on smoking.

 

Of course we don’t live in an era in which politicians have integrity and codes of conduct. The ones that did must be turning in their graves.

H/T to Dick

Want cold beer quicker?

Just follow the instructions below.

How does that work you may say?

Simples. Salt lowers the freezing point of water. Normally water freezes at 0 celsius. The addition of salt will lower the temperature at which water freezes so that the salt water solution is still a liquid below 0 celsius. This effect will work for several degrees below the normal freezing point of water. So, this is why you put salt on your driveway in winter and the ice will melt, because the freezing point has been lowered.

My MP is working for me.

Is he fuck.

Some weeks ago I sent him an Email letter.

Dear John Stanley,

As one of your constituents I would like to express my opposition to the proposal to put tobacco products in plain (standardised) packaging.

This was not included in any election manifesto in 2010 and was rejected by the previous government in 2008 on the grounds that there was insufficient evidence to support such a policy.

Nothing has happened since then that could possibly justify a change of policy under the current government. Quite the opposite, in fact.

Police officers, retired and serving, have expressed concern that plain packaging will encourage organised crime. Their views are shared by many small retailers, wholesalers, packaging companies and design agencies who may be forced to cut jobs if plain packaging is introduced.

Public opinion too is firmly against the proposal. The public consultation on plain packaging attracted over 700,000 responses, HALF A MILLION of them OPPOSED to plain packaging.

Given this overwhelming result I hope that you too will declare your opposition to this measure.

I would be grateful too if you would ask the relevant ministers to consider in the final review:

(a) the likely impact on counterfeiting and the corresponding increase in organised crime;
(b) the potential loss of tax revenue; and
(c) the full impact on business, including local shops and packaging companies.

Finally, I fully understand that government has a role to play improving public health and protecting the most vulnerable in society, especially children. There is however no credible evidence that packaging encourages children to start smoking and to argue otherwise is to fly in the face of common sense.

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. I look forward to your reply.

Yours sincerely,

The Filthy Engineer

Bearing in mind it was an E mail, I would at least have expected an acknowledgement. No. Bugger all. I know is his office received it as I received a “read receipt”.

However this is an MP who doesn’t seem to want to engage with the medium of the internet. When he eventually replies it will be a vacuous answer on House of commons headed note paper(I have a collection). Luckily the old dinosaur is resigning his seat at the next election.

Maybe I should stand for election in the seat?

By the way. If you want to send your MP a letter protesting about plain packs then click on the Icon at the top right. Even if you’re a non smoker I suggest that you do it anyway. You’ll be next if you like to drink, eat, or just generally like to enjoy yourself.

They’ve seen that the Tobacco control template has worked to denormalise  20% of society. Now they’ll start on the rest of you.

*A party political broadcast on behalf of the Filthy Engineer party*.

Philosophy

This is a "deceptively simple" philosophy that I have been working on for most of my life. I am delighted to say that I have finally refined it to a point whereby I think that I can share the concept with a select band of friends who may appreciate its elegance and simplicity.

I’m at the point where it flat lines.

I wonder…..

Has the MSM been got at?

When I watch the Beeb, the main item on their agenda has been about the horsemeat debacle. Now as far as I know, no-one has died from eating horse meat. Even the Chief medical officer had to admit the fact.

Why has another scandal, where at least a thousand people have died through allegedly criminal negligence slipped out of the news? I’m here referring to those that have died in the Stafford NHS trust and elsewhere. Surely this is far more important to how we live.

I find it distinctly odd that the news media these days always bashes the private sector, but seems to steer clear of taking to task the public sector.

There is always a clamour for heads to roll in the private sector, but how often do you hear of a call for a  head civil servant to be sacked?

There’s something wrong in our priorities these days. If a private company fails it’s customers, then it goes out of business. Someone else will fill the gap.

However with the NHS we have no choice. If they want to kill us, they will. And no-one seems to be willing to hold them to account.

*I’m reading a kindle book about the travails of a GP and his dealings with the NHS at the moment. It makes you weep. (And him). I’ll post up some snippets about the over burdening management that has been created in the next day or two.*

Camover

The game all can play. Fed up with surveillance of your everyday activity, then if you’re young and fit, this may be the game for you.

I personally think that the UK has far to many. Of course I wouldn’t dream of doing such vandalism. How dare these misguided people destroy these paragons of the new world order. I mean we love being watched 24/7. Don’t we?

SOURCE and an old post

Just saying.

Saturday soliloquy

As I was lying around, pondering the  problems of the world,
I realised that at my age I don't really give a rat's arse anymore.

.. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
.. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.
.. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years,  while
.. A tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it  lives for 150 years.
And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think  so.

Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the  difference.

  Now that I'm older here's what I've  discovered:

1.     I started out with nothing, and I still have most of  it.

2.     My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

3.     I  finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

4.     Funny,  I don't remember being absent-minded.

5.     Funny, I don't remember being  absent-minded.

6.     If all is not lost, then where the hell is it ?

7.    It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.

8.     Some days, you're the  top dog; some days you're the hydrant.

9.     I wish the buck really did stop here; I  sure could use a few of them.

10.   Kids in the back seat cause  accidents.

11.   Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

12.   It's  hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

13.   The world  only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.

14.   If God  wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

15.  When I'm  finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants  to play chess.

16.   It's not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.

17.   The only  difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

18.   These days, I  spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I go somewhere to get  something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".

19.   Funny, I don't remember being  absent-minded.

Have a little drink on me.

Is this what the Nu puritans hope for in the future?

Grrrrh

Bloody con artists.

My mum in law fell over on Tuesday evening, then Wednesday morning, and in the middle of the night last night. (The old dear is 91 after all, and suffering arthritic hips and hands).

Anyway that’s just the background.

Anyway Mrs FE and myself brought her home from the hospital at midday, and I picked her mail off the mat in the process. A quick look through it was enough to ascertain that 85% of it was begging letters from just about every charity in the known world.

Once we had got her settled in her chair she started opening up her mail and asked me to open the big envelope she was struggling with.

Inside was a glitzy (Word most favoured by the Tobacco control industry when referring to cigarette packs) magazine extolling holidays with “ You will have access to a personal travel concierge” and a card that will enable her to dine out “as a full member in partnership with the Gourmet Society”.

Enclosed was a letter. In it, they have charged her the postage and have given her 14 days to decline their Bi-monthly yearly subscription of £79.99. (WTF)

It infers that she has willingly signed up to this deal. Knowing MIL better than them, I doubt it.

A bit of digging around on the net gave me some idea of how they achieve this:

1. Engage their target with “they are carrying out a survey”. “Do you like to eat horse meat  or beef? (Topical), do you prefer row boats or luxury liners, do you prefer to travel by bus or limousine, etc,etc”.

2. We support a charity, and would you like to donate a £1. (It looks like the £1 was for their postage).

3. We’ll need your bank details.

4. We’ll send you a magazine every two months.

Easy isn’t it.

The trouble with people of mum in laws age is that the moment they hear the word charity they roll over and believe the person on the other end of the line is some sort of saint. MIL lives in an age when a man’s word was his bond.

I’m not against these organisations per se. But when they screw the vulnerable, oh yes I am.

I shall phone and E-mail them tomorrow.

*I might be a bit rude*