Can you believe it …. they sent my Census form back!

In response to the question: "Do you have any dependants?"
I replied - "2.1 million illegal immigrants; 1.1 million crack heads; 4.4 million unemployable people, 86 thousand people in over 150 prisons; and 650 idiots in Parliament.
Apparently, this was NOT an acceptable answer........
Whom did I miss ?

Missiles

I’ve just been looking at the Angry Exile’s new blog and felt I would like to expand on the technicalities of a recent post of his regarding Iran’s naval boasting.

IMHO Iran is just providing a puff piece for their own internal propaganda machine. An American carrier battle group is probably the most powerful war machine on the planet. Apart from the carrier itself, the group has incredible self defence capabilities.

Normally there would be three Aegis equipped ships. typically one cruiser and two destroyers.

These vessels are armed with a range of weapons, not least of which are vertically launched standard missiles specifically designed to counter air and anti ship missile threats.

Iran is boasting that they have a stealth missile. That I would have to dispute. I suspect what they have is just a sea skimming missile that is difficult to pick up amongst the sea clutter, that plagues sea born ship’s radar.

However the carrier battle group will have an airborne Hawkeye AEW aircraft almost certainly aloft. These have sophisticated look down radars that can sort out targets from the sea clutter. This aircraft can control the battlegroup’s response to any missile or other threat.

Those assets that are controlled will have a very large arsenal of surface to air missiles available to them and will be able to ripple fire these off at the small number of sea skimming missiles that would be available to the Iranians. (You can only carry a small amount due to their size).

Finally. (I bet you’re glad now). The carrier has her own defences namely the RIM-116 Rolling airframe missile, specifically designed for defeating anti ship missiles. And as a last ditch, the Vulcan phalanx CIWS (Close in weapons system).

What do you think. Have I made my case?

PS. I’ve witnessed several phalanx firings. A hit on target every time.

An Oldie in film

 

Now there are a couple of things wrong with this.

Firstly, the warship in the clip is a British type 42 destroyer, Note the Large bedstead radar, the for’d ray dome, The two Scot communication domes, and last but not least, the Mk8 4.5” gun mount on the pointy bit (Bow).

Secondly, I’ll let you tell me.

The end of blogging (2011 edition)

Well it’s nearly the end of the year now. About time for New Year’s resolutions.

Here’s mine.

1. To blow tobacco smoke through Deborah Arnott from ASH’s car window. (I would suggest you don’t click on the ASH link. If you think I would link to them then you must think I’m stupid).

2. To drink to excess and then vomit over Don Shenker from Alcohol Concern. (Again, I suggest not clicking on the link for the reason already given).

3. To up my carbon footprint to show solidarity with China. Bugger the Huhnatic and his bloody bird mincers  (You can click on these ones. Honestly).

4. Try to blog better

Anyhoo. A happy New Year to all those who visit this Blog. I hope to hear from the usual suspects who comment here, in the future. It’s my round (metaphorically). Have a large one.

Chinese Sex

While in China , an American man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, “I've got bad news for you, you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here in the US , we know very little about it.”

The man looks a little perplexed and says, “Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.”

The doctor answers, “I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis.”

The man screams in horror, “Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!!!”

The doctor replies, “Well, it's your choice. Go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only option.”

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.

The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, “Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease.”

The guy says to the doctor, “Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to cut off my penis!”

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. “Stupid American docttah,
always want opawate. Make more money dat way. No need amputate!”

“Oh, thank God!” the man exclaims.

“Yes”, says the Chinese doctor. “Wait two week. Faw off by itself...!”

*Note to self. Must get around to writing a decent blog post.

Sorry to tell you all this, but.....

 

Please note ...After December, I  will no longer be sending
e-mails. Thanks to the Post Office I am now going back to
licking stamps.....

 

 

 

 

 

Getting to grips with electronic reading

For Christmas I was given a Kindle by my kids. I have toyed with the idea of buying one for some time, but not done so, not wishing the expenditure, on something I might not take to.

However it has taken me aback with it’s ease of use and ability to gain instant access to books that I would not normally consider.

One of the instant hits with me is that I can access the Amazon Kindle website on my computer, browse by genre, and then read the reviews on a book. Good and bad.

The beauty of it is, that if I find a book with good reviews  I can download it and be reading it in less than a minute.

And that’s my excuse why my blogging has been light over the last few days. Nothing to do with good food and copious quantities of booze of course.

Drive a Nissan and do wheelies.

Not sure of the veracity of this clip. The filming seems to be too professional to me. It;s fun to watch though.

Normality has nearly returned.

Most of the Scavengers family have left to return to their homes.As usual,  I completely buggered up the booze shopping before Christmas. I stocked up with a carefully drawn up list of alcohol that the visitors were known to drink. I got it wrong AGAIN.

It would seem that I’m now going to have to drink:

Two bottles of Morgan Spice rum.

Two bottles of Gin

Two bottles of Vodka.

and six bottles of red wine.

Think of me. The Horror.

 

Mind you they never saw the single malts either.

The Irish. Again.

Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin , decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.

After arriving in Paris , he visited some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.

Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table; asked him something in French (which Murphy couldn't understand); so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.

They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner..... after which he took another napkin and drew a picture  of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.

To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business!