Google analytics

Thursday, 13 October 2011

Oh, for crying out loud.

That’s if you’re a highly paid police officer.

A Met Police officer has been signed off sick with a 'broken heart' for four months after being dumped by a married colleague, it was claimed today.

The detective is believed to have been left devastated when her lover went back to his estranged wife.

Is a “Broken Heart” now become an illness?

If she wants time off, it should be unpaid leave. I received four days off when my father died. In that time I had to fly home, arrange the funeral, attend the funeral, and fly back.

The mother-of-one was apparently signed off on full pay with stress and failed to return to her £45,000-a-year job.

Ah I see.

This new disease called “stress” has afflicted her. I would say “grow a pair”, but obviously she is incapable.

It begs the question. Are our Police service fit for purpose?

if it was stress caused by investigating a truly gruesome murder, then maybe I could understand it.

But for FFS she was only having an affair with a married man!

My stress level has reached breaking point , so a large whisky is required.

Not tonight

I was going to try an attempt a serious post tonight. I’ll give you this instead.

 

 

A woman was proudly driving her 'pubic beetle' until the police arrested her after a series of accidents.

The court ruled that her car was creating a dangerous situation on the roads.

It was ruled that she had to paint-over her car's hood

finger

 

 

 

 

 

pubic

 

You don't suppose the other drivers were driving along saying 'Twat the hell was that??'

It's a good thing she was picked up by the fuzz....
OK, enough with the cracks now!!

EMBARRASSING MEDICAL SITUATIONS

1. A man comes into the ER and yells....'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald , San Francisco

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,'. .. ....  I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,'. .... . replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes , Seattle , WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
'Which one?'..  I asked. 'The patch' he replied...
'The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!'
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see...
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair , Norfolk , VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .....
'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-  Corvallis , OR

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . .. ' So how's your breakfast this morning?' 'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste'.  Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf , Detroit

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting  a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . . . It  was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.  When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read . .. ......' Keep off the grass.'
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said 'Sorry... had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by RN no name,
                   

AND FINALLY!! ! .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . ....... 1 MORE

Baby's First Doctor Visit

-A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam..
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied...
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'
I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, But I'm glad I came.

Wednesday, 12 October 2011

We’re still doomed.

If you survive a previous post then you still won’t last past 2012. More warmist fear mongering I’m afraid.

Over 4.5 Billion people could die from Global Warming-related causes by 2012.

Now this article is dated 12th October 2011.

canadian

However digging back through the mists of time, this is just regurgitated from an article written in May 2010

thecanadian_header

 

And in turn look at the footer for the page.

thecanadian_footer

So it comes back to an article in 2007.

Someone at the Canadian certainly has an Agenda, to keep the story going

You’re doomed I say, doomed.

Not me of course as I’m special. (Well I think so, and damn the rest of you).

There are only nine days left I’m told. From a reliable source.

Harold Camping, who announced the Rapture would occur Saturday, has had another revelation: The world will now end on October 21.

You remember that man. Apparently God hade a date shopping or something, and couldn’t be bothered to doom us.

Camping says God held off Saturday out of mercy: He did not want man to suffer for five months, but he was here on earth, spiritually.

Speaking on Family Radio, Camping said (via Daily Mail):

Last weekend became a very interesting weekend because May 21 came and has gone and all the dire predictions that have been talked about did not come to pass.

You heard it here first. Or maybe last…………………………………

Green Jobs explained

 

Or not.

FE’s quotation post

Read to the end if you can be bovvered.

1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress.

-- John Adams

2. If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.

-- Mark Twain

3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself.

-- Mark Twain

4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.

-- Winston Churchill

5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

-- George Bernard Shaw

6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.

-- G. Gordon Liddy

7. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.

-- James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

8. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

-- Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University

9. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

-- P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

10. Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.

-- Frederic Bastiat, French economist(1801-1850)

11. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.

-- Ronald Reagan (1986)

12. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

-- Will Rogers

13. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free!

-- P.J. O'Rourke

14. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.

-- Voltaire (1764)

15. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!

-- Pericles (430 B.C.)

16. No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.

-- Mark Twain (1866)

17. Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it.

-- Anonymous

18. The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.

-- Ronald Reagan

19. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.

-- Winston Churchill

20. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

-- Mark Twain

21. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.

-- Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

22. There is no distinctly Native American criminal class...save Congress.

-- Mark Twain

23. What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.

-- Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995)

24. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.

-- Thomas Jefferson

25. We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.

-- Aesop

26. The best Christmas decorations in Regent’s Street this year, would be the swinging bodies of 650 politicians.

-- The Filthy Engineer

 

FIVE BEST SENTENCES

1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.

2. What one person receives without working for...another person must work for without receiving.

3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.

5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work, because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work, because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation!

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

The New Government Symbol

condom

 

The government today announced that it is changing its symbol for Parliament from an Portcullis to a CONDOM, because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance....

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed!

Amen.

Wind Turbines. Blade and other Failures

From an E mail sent to me.

According to Caithness Windfarm Information Forum, as more wind farms are built, more failures occur. The forum notes that of the average 104 turbine incidents each year, by far the biggest number are related to blade failure resulting in either whole blades or pieces of blade being thrown from the turbine. A total of 208 separate blade failure incidents have been reported up to June 2011.

Fraser McLachlan, CEO at G Cube comments: “There have been a number of significant [blade] failures this year. They are costing the insurance industry millions of euros.”

Indeed, the rotor represents between 15-20% of the total cost of a turbine. And large blades which can be up to 70m long cost anything between US$30,000 and US$100,000 each. In addition replacing a single blade is not an isolated cost- work needs to be done to ensure that the two remaining blades are properly balanced.

An average of 104 per year. so they’re not only inefficient, but downright dangerous. An example:

Blade failure 06/09/2011 Lister Hospital,
Hertfordshire, England

"Six-foot blade flies off new Lister turbine". A six-foot blade flew off after only a week's
operation, and landed on a car, damaging its roof. The turbine is on the roof of a brand new
Hospital car park.

And that’s only a small one. Just imagine what a 70m one would do.

 

accidentsgraph

Worth a look here if you would like to see a table of accidents to turbines and the resulting outcomes.

The internet censorship has started

Four leading internet service providers are to offer parents the option of blocking adult content when they subscribe.

The move is expected to be announced today by Prime Minister David Cameron as part of a campaign to tackle the sexualisation of childhood.

All in the name of “We must think of the cheeeeldren”.

Well, you dome headed politician scum, why can’t you leave the control of the internet to the people who should decide? They’re called P-A-R-E-N-T-S.

Anyhoo. How can you decide what is an explicit site or not? Are you going to firewall the national Gallery website, because it contains pictures of naked women?

Of course there has to be a Quango involved . What’s happened to that bonfire Dave? Lost the matches?

A new website, called Parentport, is being launched where parents can complain about television programmes, advertisements, products or services which they believe are unsuitable for children.

Ed Richards, chief executive of watchdog Ofcom, told the paper: "Seven UK media regulators have come together to develop a single website with a single aim - to help protect children from inappropriate material."

Sorry. I should have written SUPER quango.

How soon, dear reader, before you find you can’t access this blog due to the occasional sweary words used here.

The cold, dead hand, of the state in action.

First they came for the smokers

Then the drinkers

Then the fatties

Now the internet.