Wasting my money again, KCC.

I was just trawling through my Council’s accounts when I came across this little bit of expenditure.

KINGSTON PARISH COUNCIL 10/08/2011 £46,200.00 Computer Equipment - Software Development Costs

Bearing in mind this is not Kingston on Thames, but Kingston Parish Council, it made me wonder why the need all that dosh for IT equipment?

It’s a thriving metropolis of, wait for it, 400 people.

Kingston is home to approx 400 residents and nestles at the entrance to the Elham Valley between Bridge and Barham.

So what’s all the money for?

Apparently they can’t get broadband.

 

Obviously Kent County Council are too lazy to shop around. They are allowing themselves to be ripped off.

Why not give them satellite broadband at £60 installation charge and a one off setup fee of £30. (I know the offer has just ended but I’m sure the council could have done a deal).

If you take those 400 people and for the sake of argument allow for the fact that 70% of the 400 are 2 partner households. In that case 70% of 400 is 280 people. Therefore only 140 units required. And I won’t even think of the Cheeeldren.

Take another 20% of the population of the village and consider they’re single and that thy want the delights of broadband too. 20% of 400 equals 80 more installations required.

That leaves 10% who probably don’t want it. ( Just a rough guess).

So in total 220 satellite broadband sets required. (The back of my fag packet is getting full now).

Well if my calculations are correct that comes to a total cost of 220 x £90 = £19, 800.

A saving of, wait for it (and that means you at the back as  well, Captain Haddock), £26,400.

 

Well done Kent County Council for wasting my money. You could have afforded another junior Community Diversity Outreach Co-ordinator for that sum I’d have saved you.

Chickens. An oppressed minority.

Just saying…………

Meanwhile………………

Just perfect

The perfect man and woman

It involves mayhem in cars, romance, a woman, a man, Misogyny, and a fat man dressed in red. What more could you want?

Go on click on the link. You know you want to.

The truth about trains

At least the Aussies know when to tell the truth.

Thermometers

It would seem that the AGW proponents may have been using the wrong instruments to measure atmospheric temperatures.

They’ve been using Infrared thermometers. However these instruments are deliberately manufactured so as to ignore water vapour and CO2.

Probably the most important advance in infrared thermometry has been the
introduction of selective filtering of the incoming IR signal, which has been
made possible by the availability of more sensitive detectors and more
stable signal amplifiers. Whereas the early IRT’s required a broad spectral
band of IR to obtain a workable detector output, modern IRT’s routinely have
spectral responses of only 1 micron.
The need to have selected and narrow spectral responses arises because it is
often necessary to either see through some form of atmospheric or other
interference in the sight path, or in fact to obtain a measurement of a gas or
other substance which is transparent to a broad band of IR energy.

Some common examples of selective spectral responses are 8-14 microns,
which avoids interference from atmospheric moisture over long path
measurements; 7.9 microns which is used for the measurement of some thin
film plastics; and 3.86 microns which avoids interference from CO2 and H2O…………..

The manufacturers website is HERE. Page Z64

You can read the whole lot over at Climate Realists

Now can we stop building those sodding Bird Mincers Mr Huhne?

H/T to Duff and Nonsense

Do NOT try this at home

Ooh.

 

Thanks Dave

Announcements

HEARD ON THE LONDON UNDERGOUND TUBE

A list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers...

1) 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction.'

2) 'Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know any further information as soon as I'm given any.'

3) 'Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Mile End and East Ham, which means we probably won't reach our destination.'

4) 'Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some time together. All together now.... 'Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall.....'.'

5) 'We are now travelling through Baker Street ... As you can see, Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don't think about things like that'.

6) 'Beggars are operating on this train. Please do NOT encourage these professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity. Failing that, give it to me.'

7) During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver announced in a West Indian drawl: 'Step right this way for the sauna, ladies and gentleman... Unfortunately, towels are not provided.'

8) 'Let the passengers off the train FIRST!' (Pause ) 'Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care - I'm going home....'

9) 'Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with 'Please hold the doors open.' The two are distinct and separate instructions.'

10) 'Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into the doors.'

11) 'We can't move off because some idiot has their hand stuck in the door.'

12) 'To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage -- what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?'

13) 'Please move all baggage away from the doors.' (Pause..) 'Please move ALL belongings away from the doors.' (Pause...) 'This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie down, Four-eyes, and move your bloody golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and shove them up your arse sideways!'

14) 'May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint, it's only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage.'

Woman

Just thoughts of an old marine engineer in these troubling times.  reassurance.

 

 

Woman is a man's best friend.

She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.

She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret.

She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.

She will make sure he always feels that he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.

 

 

No wait...... sorry...... I'm thinking of beer. Bugger.

 

 

Its beer that does all that.

Sorry.

Alternative computer repair

You don’t even need a screwdriver.

Much loved by those of the green persuasion

Text message

Another one of those pesky text messages.

Records passed to us show you are entitled to a refund of approximately £2370 in compensation from the mis-selling of PPI on your credit card or Loan. Reply PPI.

My erudite reply, bearing in mind that the keys, P & I seem to be broken on my phone, was………..

 

 

 

 

B-O-L-L-O-C-K-S