Looks like the economy is tanking

A quick snapshot of the Footsie100 today.

 

That’s three straight days in a row.

As of last trade, FTSE 100 Index (FTSE:FSI) traded at 5,460, 7.68% above its 52-week low of 5,071, set on August 25, 2010.

An interesting Hobby.

A Swedish man has been arrested after attempting to split atoms in his kitchen, claiming that he was only doing it as a “hobby”.

I must say that I’ve never thought of taking up a hobby like that. Mmmmm.

Handl, 31, said he had tried for months to set up a nuclear reactor at home and kept a blog about his experiments, describing how he created a small meltdown on his stove.

The best bit about the article is the comments that follow.

“If he sold his story to the tabloids, he could make a bomb.”

And

“I think my wife split some atoms in our kitchen this evening.
She called it 'dinner', but I have my doubts.   If I glow later on, Let me know.”

And

“Didn't he know that the easiest way to split atoms is to put them in a box marked "Fragile" and send it through the post?”

And

“Blue Peter has much to answer for “

Finally another man who won’t be getting any how’s your father any time soon.

“Judging from my wife's attempts at cooking and the frequent 'meltdowns' which occur in our kitchen,  I think she has proven beyond all doubt that 'cold fusion' DOES exist.”

What am I getting at here?

Scroll through the pictures to the bottom

 

 

 

 

 

FOR SALE :
One Useless F****ing Cat

Will I Live to see 80?

Here's something to think about.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor.  After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I am turning sixty three in  nine months time.)

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine, or spirits? 

'Oh no,' I replied (Lying naturally).  'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat steaks and other red meat?

I said, 'Not much... my  former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!' (Steak tonight)

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'

'No, I don't,' I said. (Two week holiday in the sun coming up).

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have lots of sex?'        

'No,'  I said...

He looked at me and said,..  'Then, why do you even give a shit?

Bloody thieves

Just been to pick up my Daughter and her  Husband from the airport. My, how they rip you off just to park in their car parks, which you have to use. They proudly boast that it’ll only cost you a pound for the first 15 minutes. Would you pay that anywhere else? No you wouldn’t is the answer. The trouble is they have a monopoly.

Because my Daughter’s flight was delayed (Not flagged up on the website till after I was on the way to the airport), and due to the vagaries of the baggage handling personnel, it cost me a fucking fortune. One hour and ten minutes cost me £9. I think my local town centre car parks rip me off at 80p hour, but this is just usury. This works out at approx 13p/min.

North and South Terminal short stay prices

Up to 15 Minutes                               £1.00

15 Minutes - 30 Minutes                 £2.80

30 Minutes - 1 Hour                          £5.60

1 - 2 hours                                             £9.00

2 - 3 hours                                             £11.50

3 - 4 hours                                             £14.70

4 - 5 hours                                             £18.00

5 - 6 hours                                             £21.00

6 - 9 hours                                             £25.00

9 - 12 hours                                           £30.00

12 - 24 hours                                         £32.50

Each 24 hour period thereafter    £32.50

The long stay car parks are not much better, and that’s why going on holiday in a couple of weeks time it makes sense to use a taxi service.

Bastards

I feel another letter to my MP is needed. (I’m still waiting for an answer to the last one I wrote to him). He’s probably labelled me as an Anarchist. so if this blogger stops posting just google “Pentonville Inmates”. You’re sure to find me.

Computers.

A while ago I decided to drag out my reserve computer. The laptop.

I noticed that there was 84 security updated from Microsoft pending, and being a gullible, but trusting fool, decided to download them. Now that was a mistake too far. As any of you who have windows know, once they’re downloaded you are asked to shut down the computer in order for them to take effect.

So I did and the machine shut down and then restarted. Followed shortly with the message “Windows is installing new updates” Great.

Well, not really. That same message was still being displayed after 42 hours. Didn’t matter how I rebooted the laptop the same still happened. Nothing I tried would persuade this piece of devil’s spawn from doing anything else.

Solution. Reload the operating system, in this case Windows 7.

Now you have two options when installing windows 7. Clean install, or Upgrade. Clean install is more efficient but you lose all your data. Upgrade will keep your data but not as efficient at operating.

Upgrade was the chosen option in this case and after several hours of hard drive working, the classical message of “Installation complete, windows needs to shut down and restart for completion”. (Or some such).

So be it. That’s how you carry out an upgrade install.

Wrong.

What did I see on my desktop? Nothing but a recycle bin!

Everything gone.

Now I do have a back up of important documents, so that wasn’t a problem, but the lack of word processor and other useful programmes is a bit of a handicap.

So I thought I would just download Open Office, Anti Virus software, and anything else I would need.

Wrong again.

No WiFi. Bastards.

After a lot of asking around I managed to download by using the desktop computer, a programme that might, or might not, be able to get the wiFi operating on the laptop.

Now of course you’re expecting a tale of woe in that it didn’t work. Much to my amazement it did work.

However I have another dilemma. At the moment I’m at my son’s place having just helped him break out of his prison cell Isolation ward. I installed Ubuntu as a second operating system some while ago and want to get rid of it as this laptop is running out of available space. Having looked at all the online articles about ,removing said  programme I think I’ll play safe and wait till I’m within striking distance of my Windows seven disk. As they say. Once bitten twice shy.

Tomorrow I go home.

The recession has hit everybody really hard...

My neighbour got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

Wives are having s*x with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with coins while she danced.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

If the bank returns your cheque marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Parents in Kensington fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

A truckload of British were caught sneaking into Ethiopia.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

Button in F1 accident.

This is the real story. Don’t believe what you read in the papers

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh.

Before you get comfortable let me warn me that this post has an X rating. Filled with pain, torture, cruelty, and bad language.

Turn away now.

I went to Vlad the impaler  the dentist yesterday.

Now my teeth have deteriorated over the years through all the bad habits of  eating too much sugary food, smoking drinking, and general other vices( Use your imagination here. Or maybe not).

I’d decided that my upper teeth were going to have a complete makeover and it was decided that a complete refurbishment was in order. Therefore some months ago Josef Mengele the dentist removed all those ailing gnashers and fitted me with a temporary denture. That was bad enough, in that I could only eat soup for a week until the pain from the removal settled down.

Not boring you I hope.

Any way whether you like it or not I shall continue.

yesterday was the  was the day for implants to be fitted into my upper jaw, to allow for a fixed plate. Now I should really have done a bit of research into the procedure. Stupidly I didn’t. If I had I’d probably have caught the first flight out of the country.

Three hours I was laid out on the rack the chair, FFS.

After at least enough anaesthetic to kill a couple of horses, which should of set alarm bells ringing, the work begun.

1. Cut open the upper gum. Bloody hell it took forever. Apparently I had the toughest gums known to man according to the sadist my dentist. (doesn’t do much for his original diagnoses that I suffered from sever gum disease, does it?).

2. Enough X rays were then taken to make me glow in the dark and set off airport scanners, most like.

3. The drill, the drill. Ok that wasn’t too bad.  Four holes in all.

4.  Another gallon or two of anaesthetic as the first lot was wearing off.

5.  Next was the inserting of the implants. These were of the self tapping variety inserted with a ratchet spanner until they were tight.

6. Now I’ve been a marine engineer for many a year and have cheated at times when the screw needs a helping hand ie with a hammer. Not approved engineering practise needless to say. I think he must have had a inferior apprenticeship to me, as he loved his hammer. Have you ever had your jaw bone hit with a hammer? It feels as if someone has rung the great peels of the bells of Westminster Abbey, in your head.

7. It’s over. No it’s not. The Executioner  decides  TFE would be advised to have one more implant (bastard). So it begins again.

8. As I posted in para 1, about cutting open my gums with a shovel (at least that’s what it felt like), of course now he has to rectify his butchery finely crafted work. Stitches had to undertaken. Though I would have preferred he used a needle rather than a crochet hook.

9. Done. Well not quite. I was ambushed on exit by the prison wardress receptionist in order to that I pay for the privilege of being tortured to within an inch of my life. Not cheap I can tell you.

Now comes for the crunch. There are rules to be observed for the next week.

No hot drinks.

No smoking.

No alcohol.

Wash my mouth out with salt water. (No, not soap and water)

A soft diet. (Whatever that means?)

Needless to say I have ignored every one of those above. After 3 hours of leaving Gitmo the surgery, my upper jaw felt as if it had been attacked by a team of Irish navvies on piece work. To cap it all, this morning I woke up to find my pillows covered in enough blood to make an axe murderer proud.

Oh and I’m back on a diet of soup. And enough pills to kill one of those horses mentioned above.

Don’t forget to book your dentist appointment on a regular basis. Best you read this on a regular basis just to make sure.

Cameron IS Labour Lite.

FFS.

BRITISH Prime Minister David Cameron has praised his Australian counterpart Julia Gillard's carbon plan as bold and ambitious.

The Conservative Party leader's endorsement of the Australian prime minister's plan to impose a carbon tax undercuts a campaign against the scheme by his conservative ally, Opposition Leader Tony Abbott, Fairfax reports.

I really don’t think that I can take much more of this idiot we have for a Prime Minister. Sooner we have the next election the better. I think I need strong drink.

H/T tp Lawson Narse