I watched question time tonight.
In all of the debates whether it be international aid, children’s dress, or the conflict in Libya, Eight times we were exhorted to think of the cheeeldren.
Not once were we supposed to think of the grownups.
Is this discrimination against you and me?
If any children are reading this blog, then bugger off and go and buy your own padded bras with your own money. Which of course you don’t have.
Think of the cheeeeldren. Lightly grilled would be to my taste.
THE number of people paying hush money to their wheelie bins has increased by 60 percent in the last 12 months, it emerged last night.
We've all been there
With more councils installing artificially intelligent bins, people with something to hide say the cost of being blackmailed could force them to give up at least one of their sordid and disturbing obsessions.Ian, a 32 year-old from Stevenage, said: "It started last September. I dropped a bag of rubbish into the bin and turned to walk away when I heard someone say the word 'pervert'.
"I looked up and down the street, but there was no-one there so I started to walk off, but then I heard the same voice again saying 'yeah, you... pervert'.
"I then realised it was coming from the direction of the bin. As I leaned in, the bin suddenly started chuckling and said 'I know what you've been up to, with your washing up gloves and your ketchup and your over-ripe melons'.
"It then explained that £50 a week should cover it and gave me its sort code and account number so I could set up a direct debit."
He added: "At first I was very resentful and would get up in the middle of the night, heave it into the back of my car and drive it to an old quarry or leave it in the middle of a field, but it always managed to find its way home by morning. And of course when you try and pull that sort of shit with a corrupt wheelie bin, it's only going to cost you more money."
He added: "Eventually you just have to accept the situation and factor it in to the overall cost of your shameful but irresistible perversions."
The Local Government Association insists most wheelie bins are not programmed for blackmail and will usually recommend counselling, medication or a hefty dose of church.
Meanwhile Britain's serial killers have launched a petition demanding stupider bins unable to piece together the eclectic mix of clues contained in the refuse bag of a typical maniac. Roy Hobbs, from Doncaster, said: "Most weeks I'll throw away 28 Alphabetti Spaghetti tins, a dozen empty bleach bottles, three bags of feet and a copy of the Daily Mail which I've covered in yellow highlighter and exclamation marks.
"I know I should probably stop reading it. But I can't."
I am a sceptic of Anthropogenic Global warming, Human made climate change, and all the rest of the crap the Greenie leftists throw at us. I was pointed to a site some months ago that is populated by the usual frothing at the mouth, rabid Gaia worshipers . President, George Monbiot. Honorary Vice president, Caroline Lucas (Spit). The site is grandly titled “Campaign against Climate Change” (CCC), (spits again).
To cut along story short I subscribed to their mailing list. It really is pitiful. It doesn’t ever mention this blog. It hurts me deeply. After all I even E mailed them with links to here and here.
It would seem that they are going to have rallies in July all to be of a “submergence” theme. (That’s their title. I didn’t make it up).
More amusing though, is a photo-op involving people standing semi-submerged in water – holding a banner saying “Zero Carbon Britain before we drown”. One of the venues is “Here in London we are hoping to do this at an appropriate place in the River Thames. “
Well they wouldn’t be able to do that at high tide otherwise they’d drown(Mmmm), so they’ll have to do that at low tide. Have you seen the Thames at low tide? Well I assure you, dear readers, that they’d better come prepared with industrial strength washing materials, as they will be wallowing up to their waists in a sea of mud.
ZERO CARBON
BEACH PARTY
Saturday 16th July
is Zero Carbon Brain Day, a day
to promote the goal of a
'Zero Carbon Britain' by 2030
When: 7.30 pm to midnight
Where: on the Thames, Central London
I think I might just nip up to thee big smoke that day with my camera.
P.S. They have a forum at their site. Last post was 26 weeks ago.
Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco. Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.
Police stop a Pakistani in his transit van on the motorway. Policeman says "Do you know the limit is 70?". The driver leans into the back and says "hear that - 3 of you have got to get out".
4 Illegal immigrants suffocated in the back of a Tesco lorry last night. Every little helps.
Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them. "Bollocks to that", said Paddy, "That's the last time I go lion dancing"
63 Pakistanis died in Bradford this morning. It was not a terrorist attack, a bunk bed collapsed. The police are blaming AL IKEA .
Scientists have revealed today that they have found a new drug for depressed lesbians. It's called Trydixagain.
The effects of the storm are predicted to be moderate and could be felt from around 6pm tonight, lasting for 12 - 24 hours.
Just another public service broadcast.
Many have found themselves stumbling home late at night, a little worse for wear and unable to hail a taxi. Well the man in this little little video takes the Biscuit.
See the evils of the demon drink demonstrated above. Now in the interests of the “Big Society” (Or some such rot), stop, and stop NOW. You have been warned. I haven’t had a drink since……….Let me think? I remember now. Last night.
A public service broadcast delivered to you free from The Government Department of Filthy Engineers.
*And before you shout at me. No. I don’t read the Sun*
Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favourite 'fast food' when you were growing up?'
'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him.
'All the food was slow.'
'C'mon, seriously.. Where did you eat?'
'It was a place called 'home,'' I explained.
'Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate, I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'
By this time, the lad was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.
But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I'd figured his system could have handled it:
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore jeans, set foot on a golf course, travelled out of the country or had a credit card.
My parents never drove me to school. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow).
We didn't have a television in our house until I was 7.
It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at 10 pm, after playing the national anthem and epilogue; it came back on the air at about 6 p.m.
I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.
Pizzas were not delivered to our home... But milk was.
All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers.
Film stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the films. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or almost anything offensive.
If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they burst their sides laughing.
Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?
MEMORIES from a friend:
My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother' s house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a load of holes in it... I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.
How many do you remember?
Headlight dip-switches on the floor of the car.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Trouser leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heated on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn indicators. (I failed my first driving test on that one)
No central heating.
Older Than Dirt Quiz:
Count all the ones that you remember, not the ones you were told about.
Ratings at the bottom.
1. Sweet cigarettes
2. Coffee shops with juke boxes
3. Home milk delivery in glass bottles
4. Party lines on the telephone
5. Newsreels before the movie
6. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the afternoon (There were only 2 channels [if you were fortunate])
7. Peashooters
8. 33 rpm records
9. 45 RPM records
10.78 RPM records
11. Hi-fi's
12. Metal ice trays with levers
13. Blue flashbulb
14. Cork popguns
15. Wash tub wringers
If you remembered 0-3 = You’re still young
If you remembered 3-6 = You are getting older
If you remembered 7-11 = Don't tell your age
If you remembered 12-15 = You're positively ancient!
I must be 'positively ancient' but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.
A hypothetical question.
You are informed by one of your children that they have a cancerous growth. Do you?:
Sink into despair and fear the worst.
Look on the Brightside and ignore the realities.
Endeavour to find out the true statistics.
I theoretically find myself in this dilemma . I’m a lost blogger at this time.
*Puts on tin Foil Hat*
I see the latest bright idea to protect the Cheeeldren is, censorship by any other name, of the Internet.
Theresa May will outline plans to prevent computers in schools, libraries and colleges from accessing unlawful material on the internet.
She has criticised universities for their "complacency" in tackling Islamic extremism on campus, saying that for too long they have not been sufficiently willing to recognise what was happening.
All in the name of protecting us from Terrorism.
But how long will it be before some bright spark in Government decides that us, anti big state, libertarians Bloggers are a threat to them.
Just a quick tweak of an Algorithm and………………………………………………
*Takes off nearly worn out tinfoil hat and replaces it carefully back in the cupboard*
