Papers Please

 

Cease and desist.

I’m talking about you, Charities.

You should stop deluging old and vulnerable people, such as my Mum in law, with an endless bombardment of telephone calls and letters asking her for money and implying that she is heartlessly, single handedly, killing children in the third world. Oh and Tigers as well.

Your constant bombardment is now turning her to decide not to give anything to anyone of you.

Personally I refuse to give to any charity that pesters me on the phone or by letter. I prefer to give to charities that don’t waste their donations on TV adverts, unsolicited phone calls, and mail shots. If they’re that good then they shouldn’t need to indulge in this sheer waste of their donation money.

So I’m off out tomorrow to buy MIL an industrial strength shredder for starters and then sign her up to the Telephone Preference Service and the Mailing preference service.

Oh and before someone says that I’m a heartless bastard that doesn’t care about the third world or children (We have to think perpetually about the Cheeeeldren), I’ve seen how some of the charities work in the third world.Ooverpaid and absolutely useless.

One Example:

Various charities had been in Angola for five years. A sewage plant had been inoperative for twenty years. Disease was rife in the region and nothing was done by the NGO’s. It took myself and a contingent of Royal Engineers, TEN days to get it operational. (Blowing own trumpet, SORRY).

The moral is choose, who you give to, wisely.

Deadly

H/T to Lizi.

MPG

 

Climate Change?

A simple vid that should be shown widely, to impart the fact that the so called Climate scientists, Politicians, Greens, Wind farm companies, Uncle Tom Cobley and all, have justified milking the populace. This Vid debunks the models that purport to show CAGW.

Says it all really. Even the Met Office and the chairman of the IPPC, Rajenda Pachauri, have had to admit that the world average temperature has flat lined for the last sixteen years. Mind you, trying to find that press release on the Met Office’s web site is beyond me.

Bed time story

A new take on that bedtime story and how the world was going to overheat from Global warming. Just watch it and smile. How true it is.

(Beware. Sweary words at the end).

A second opinion should have been obtained

 

The doctor said, 'Harry, the good news is I can cure your headaches.

The bad news is that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'
I was shocked and depressed. I wondered if I had anything to live for.

I had no choice but to go under the knife.

When I left the hospital, I was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but I felt like I was missing an important part of Myself.

As I walked down the street, I realized that I felt like a different person. I could make a new beginning and live a new life.
I saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit...'

I entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit..'
The elderly tailor eyed me briefly and said, 'Let's see... Size 44 long.'
I laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said..
I tried on the suit it fitted perfectly.
As I, admired myself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?'

I thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'
The salesman eyed me and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'
I was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years.'
I tried on the shirt and it fitted perfectly.

I walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?'
I thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.'
The salesman said, 'Let's see... Size 36.
I laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.'

The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. a size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.'

ASH lobbying FAIL

 

They’re still at their same despicable tricks. ASH that is, Here in 1990 the CEO of ASH being resoundingly castigated for trying to stack the deck in the APPG on smoking.

 

Of course we don’t live in an era in which politicians have integrity and codes of conduct. The ones that did must be turning in their graves.

H/T to Dick

Want cold beer quicker?

Just follow the instructions below.

How does that work you may say?

Simples. Salt lowers the freezing point of water. Normally water freezes at 0 celsius. The addition of salt will lower the temperature at which water freezes so that the salt water solution is still a liquid below 0 celsius. This effect will work for several degrees below the normal freezing point of water. So, this is why you put salt on your driveway in winter and the ice will melt, because the freezing point has been lowered.

My MP is working for me.

Is he fuck.

Some weeks ago I sent him an Email letter.

Dear John Stanley,

As one of your constituents I would like to express my opposition to the proposal to put tobacco products in plain (standardised) packaging.

This was not included in any election manifesto in 2010 and was rejected by the previous government in 2008 on the grounds that there was insufficient evidence to support such a policy.

Nothing has happened since then that could possibly justify a change of policy under the current government. Quite the opposite, in fact.

Police officers, retired and serving, have expressed concern that plain packaging will encourage organised crime. Their views are shared by many small retailers, wholesalers, packaging companies and design agencies who may be forced to cut jobs if plain packaging is introduced.

Public opinion too is firmly against the proposal. The public consultation on plain packaging attracted over 700,000 responses, HALF A MILLION of them OPPOSED to plain packaging.

Given this overwhelming result I hope that you too will declare your opposition to this measure.

I would be grateful too if you would ask the relevant ministers to consider in the final review:

(a) the likely impact on counterfeiting and the corresponding increase in organised crime;
(b) the potential loss of tax revenue; and
(c) the full impact on business, including local shops and packaging companies.

Finally, I fully understand that government has a role to play improving public health and protecting the most vulnerable in society, especially children. There is however no credible evidence that packaging encourages children to start smoking and to argue otherwise is to fly in the face of common sense.

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. I look forward to your reply.

Yours sincerely,

The Filthy Engineer

Bearing in mind it was an E mail, I would at least have expected an acknowledgement. No. Bugger all. I know is his office received it as I received a “read receipt”.

However this is an MP who doesn’t seem to want to engage with the medium of the internet. When he eventually replies it will be a vacuous answer on House of commons headed note paper(I have a collection). Luckily the old dinosaur is resigning his seat at the next election.

Maybe I should stand for election in the seat?

By the way. If you want to send your MP a letter protesting about plain packs then click on the Icon at the top right. Even if you’re a non smoker I suggest that you do it anyway. You’ll be next if you like to drink, eat, or just generally like to enjoy yourself.

They’ve seen that the Tobacco control template has worked to denormalise  20% of society. Now they’ll start on the rest of you.

*A party political broadcast on behalf of the Filthy Engineer party*.