It’s dying

That is my faithful desktop PC. Before I went to help the boy out with his Radiotherapy, I was having serious doubts about the sanity of my old faithful friend. It spent far too much time whirring it’s hard drive for little purpose. When I got back I was informed by Mrs FE that the simple startup repair which should only take an hour or so, had taken two days.

It got even worse when I shut it down. It wouldn’t even run in safe mode. (Lazy Bastard). I’ve spent all sorts attempts to try and get it up and running today. It feels like a Mongoose via a snake. Some rounds one wins, sometimes the other.

I’m up and running now, but for how long? I think it is the hard drive that is failing, (17,400 disk errors) so I’m frantically trying to export important data to a portable hard drive.

I’m just going to have to bite the bullet, and buy a new computer.

Farewell trusted friend. May you live in peace in landfill.

How the word Boob was invented.

 

Greek Default

Handy little flow chart

We’re all doomed – AGAIN!

_{After wrongly predicting the Apocalypse would arrive on May 21, US preacher Harold Camping now says today is the day all life on Earth will be wiped out.}

I’ll get my coat.

It never rains but it pours

Oh Bugger

I think a trip to the Doctor’s is on the cards.

I’ve spent the last few days in discomfort. Now I think I know why.

The most common symptom of a stomach ulcer is a burning pain…

Check

In particular this occurs at night towards the morning hours as this is when you are most likely to have no food in your stomach.

Check

Additionally, stomach ulcer symptoms frequently come and go.

Check. Happened briefly on holiday

Other Symptoms of Peptic Ulcers

If a stomach ulcer becomes sufficiently advanced, other symptoms may develop. These can include:

• Dark, black or red stool (indicating blood in the stool) Haven't dared look.
• Nausea or loss of appetite have been feeling sick as a dog for the last four days. My stomach didn’t ask for food.
• Fatigue or weakness (due to anaemia from blood loss). This is more prevalent in women than men. I’ve been permanently tired. 
• Weight loss I’ve had to make a new hole in my belt.
• Vomiting of blood (typically black; think of the colour of a scab) Nope.

Oh well. I must take the rough with the smooth (Groans in agony)(Just kidding), I’m not getting any younger.

The strange world of ward 14

Imagine a hospital ward away from other wards down a long empty corridor. Entry is gained by an electronically secured entry system.

There is only one patient, a young man, who the staff visit and leave as quickly as they can. There is no small talk.

Medication is delivered in a lead container.

Visitors can visit at any time of the day, but may only stay for 30 minutes.

Who is the prisoner on this ward?

Well actually it’s my son who is undergoing radiotherapy.

He’ll be out tomorrow hopefully. I wonder how long he’ll glow in the dark?

Start your engines

 

Not for those of an impure mind

 

What Gets Longer When Pulled,
Fits Between your Boobs,
Inserts Neatly in a Hole
AND works best when it is jerked?

Scroll down.......

 

 

 

A Seatbelt you pervert!
  Buckle up!

Scousers

 

Primary Teacher explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Liverpool fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, 'Mary, why didn't you raise your hand? 'Because I'm not a Liverpool fan,' she replied.The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Liverpool fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Chelsea fan, and proud of it,' Mary replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Chelsea fan?'
'Because my mum is a Chelsea fan, and my dad is a Chelsea fan, so I'm a Chelsea fan too!'
'Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Chelsea fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time... What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?'
'Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a Liverpool fan.

An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar.
They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner.
He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.
They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: 'My God, it's Jesus!'
Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.

Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter.
Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.
After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.
He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness.
When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: 'My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!'

Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager.
As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock.
'Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's A Miracle.

Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says,
'Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit

A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the Counter and said 'Hi, I'm looking for a job'.
The man behind the counter replied 'Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their Overseas holidays. The Salary package is £200,000 a year'.
The Scouser said 'You're bullshitting me!'
The man behind the counter said 'Well you started it!'

Police cordoned off Liverpool City Centre this morning when a suspicious object was discovered in a car.

It later turned out to be a tax disk

I may be sometime

A few months ago, my son was diagnosed with Cancer of the Thyroid. Very quickly in my mind, he was admitted to Hospital and underwent an operation to remove the entire thyroid. Since then he has been on medication and has made a remarkable recovery.

The second stage of his treatment is about to commence tomorrow, when he will undertake Radiotherapy.

So i’m now travelling up North to where he works and lives, to help him out and assist in his recovery.

And I’d like to say a very special thank you to his employer, Johnson Matthey, who have been so understanding over his illness.