Be careful what you say in front of the children

This should make you smile.
You have to love little kids.

 

The children began to identify the flavours by their colour:
Red.....................Cherry
Yellow..................Lemon
Green...................Lime
Orange ...............Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY flavoured polos. None
of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your
mother may sometimes call your father.'
One little girl looked up in horror, spat her polo out and
yelled, 'Oh my God! They're arse-holes!

The teacher had to leave the room !!!

The Greens will freeze. (Hopefully)

Another of these may be about to happen on a planet near you.

The Maunder Minimum

Early records of sunspots indicate that the Sun went through a period of inactivity in the late 17th century. Very few sunspots were seen on the Sun from about 1645 to 1715. Although the observations were not as extensive as in later years, the Sun was in fact well observed during this time and this lack of sunspots is well documented. This period of solar inactivity also corresponds to a climatic period called the "Little Ice Age" when rivers that are normally ice-free froze and snow fields remained year-round at lower altitudes. There is evidence that the Sun has had similar periods of inactivity in the more distant past. The connection between solar activity and terrestrial climate is an area of on-going research.

Global cooling when it happens is going to bite the Eco loons in their arses.

You take the average ecoloon.

He’s bought his eco friendly modern box which has all the credentials that will have Caroline Lucas wetting her pants with joy.

Loft insulation

Cavity wall insulation

Double glazing

Environmentally friendly paint

Eco friendly electric lamps

Condensing central heating boiler.

He might even have fitted a wind turbine or a solar panel or two.

The Scenario:

It’s now the year 2030 and world temperatures have continued to fall. The UK, in the years before  the hysteria about global warming/climate change was in full swing, failed to invest in conventional power generation. Coal, gas an nuclear. The time is nine O’clock at night, in the month of December. A high pressure is expected to sit over a province of the United States of Europe. (UK to you and me).

Disaster strikes.

One of our last overloaded coal fired power stations fails due to a bomb attack by one of the increasing number of home grown Muslim insurgent groups.

The temperature as forecast by the discredited Met Office is minus two degrees and rolling blackouts are happening all over the country.

Oh dear,you greens might say. We have made the concession that we support natural gas as an interim, not so dirty solution.

FAIL

I’m afraid to say that your modern condensing boiler will not work without those wiggly things called volts. IE Electrickery.

You have just condemned the young, infirm, and the elderly, to death through hypothermia.

Luckily FE will not be one of them because he lives in one of those old fashioned houses that have a fireplace and a chimney.

FUCK YOU CAROLINE LUCAS.

Rant over. Apologies for the bad language. (NOT)

Computer poetry for us oldies

This is modern computer poetry. FE started with a ZX81.

A computer was something on TV
From a science-fiction show of note
A window was something you hated to clean
And ram was the cousin of a goat

Meg was the name of my girlfriend
And gig was a job for the nights
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bytes.

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano.

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 inch Floppy
You hoped nobody found out.

Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while.

Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode.

Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu.

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead

Airey Fairy nonsense

It’s Global Wind Day.

Global Wind Day is a worldwide event that occurs annually on 15 June. It is a day for promoting wind, its power and the possibilities it holds to change our world.

FFS

I’m back. I think.

In the last post I intimated that I was travelling to the North to assist my son in moving home. Well that happened in the usual chaotic fashion that only moving house can entail. Your FE now wishes that he’d never let on, to his son, that FE was good at DIY. I’ve put up curtain tracks, towel rails, toilet roll holders, installed a washing machine, and repaired the boiler. And I’ve now driven 300 miles south to free the cats from their cattery prison camp. (Actually I think they preferred to be there, to tell you the truth. The scratches on my arm feel really sore) I’ll try and post something that you might be interest in in the next couple of  days, but soon I have to head back up north for a more important matter.

My son has to go into hospital as he’s just been diagnosed as having cancer of the Thyroid. This will entail removal of the thyroid gland in it’s entirety, followed by radiotherapy treatment using Iodine 1-131. Worrying times ahead. However to look on the bright side, his type of cancer of the Thyroid has a very high cure rate. 97% to quote the statistics.

What is most worrying is that apparently he’s liable to set of all the scanners at airports within three months of his treatment.

Bugger. We’re going on holiday in august.

Now before you all call me a heartless bugger, my son thinks as pragmatically as me.  We never give up or come over all weepy.

*Sob*

How to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car with Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars See If They Slow Down.

2. On all your check stubs, write " For Marijuana."

3. Skip down the street Rather than Walk, and see how many looks you get.

4. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

5. Sing Along At The Opera.

6.   When The Money Comes Out Of The ATM, Scream" I Won!   I Won!"

7. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the the Car Park, Yelling "Run For Your Lives!  They're Loose!"

8. Tell Your Children over Dinner, "Due To the Economy, We are Going To Have To Let One of You Go."

AND THE FINAL WAY TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY

9. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE CHEMIST, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

Gone out

Blogging will light to non-existent for a while as I’m going to help my son to move house.

I must wash my mouth out with soap and water

I watched question time tonight.

In all of the debates whether it be international aid, children’s dress, or the conflict in Libya, Eight times  we were exhorted to think of the cheeeldren.

Not once were we supposed to think of the grownups.

Is this discrimination against you and me?

If any children are reading this blog, then bugger off and go and buy your own padded bras with your own money. Which of course you don’t have.

Think of the cheeeeldren. Lightly grilled would be to my taste.

Blackbinmail?

THE number of people paying hush money to their wheelie bins has increased by 60 percent in the last 12 months, it emerged last night.

We've all been there

With more councils installing artificially intelligent bins, people with something to hide say the cost of being blackmailed could force them to give up at least one of their sordid and disturbing obsessions.

Ian, a 32 year-old from Stevenage, said: "It started last September. I dropped a bag of rubbish into the bin and turned to walk away when I heard someone say the word 'pervert'.
"I looked up and down the street, but there was no-one there so I started to walk off, but then I heard the same voice again saying 'yeah, you... pervert'.
"I then realised it was coming from the direction of the bin. As I leaned in, the bin suddenly started chuckling and said 'I know what you've been up to, with your washing up gloves and your ketchup and your over-ripe melons'.
"It then explained that £50 a week should cover it and gave me its sort code and account number so I could set up a direct debit."
He added: "At first I was very resentful and would get up in the middle of the night, heave it into the back of my car and drive it to an old quarry or leave it in the middle of a field, but it always managed to find its way home by morning. And of course when you try and pull that sort of shit with a corrupt wheelie bin, it's only going to cost you more money."
He added: "Eventually you just have to accept the situation and factor it in to the overall cost of your shameful but irresistible perversions."

The Local Government Association insists most wheelie bins are not programmed for blackmail and will usually recommend counselling, medication or a hefty dose of church.

Meanwhile Britain's serial killers have launched a petition demanding stupider bins unable to piece together the eclectic mix of clues contained in the refuse bag of a typical maniac. Roy Hobbs, from Doncaster, said: "Most weeks I'll throw away 28 Alphabetti Spaghetti tins, a dozen empty bleach bottles, three bags of feet and a copy of the Daily Mail which I've covered in yellow highlighter and exclamation marks.
"I know I should probably stop reading it. But I can't."

Climate sceptic, Me?

I am a sceptic of Anthropogenic Global warming, Human made climate change, and all the rest of the crap the Greenie leftists throw at us. I was pointed to a site some months ago that is populated by the usual frothing at the mouth, rabid Gaia worshipers . President, George Monbiot. Honorary Vice president, Caroline Lucas (Spit). The site is grandly titled “Campaign against Climate Change” (CCC), (spits again).

To cut along story short I subscribed to their mailing list. It really is pitiful. It doesn’t ever mention this blog. It hurts me deeply. After all I even E mailed them with links to here and here.

It would seem that they are going to have rallies in July all to be of a “submergence” theme. (That’s their title. I didn’t make it up).

More amusing though, is a photo-op involving people standing semi-submerged in water – holding a banner saying “Zero Carbon Britain before we drown”. One of the venues is “Here in London we are hoping to do this at an appropriate place in the River Thames. “

Well they wouldn’t be able to do that at high tide otherwise they’d drown(Mmmm), so they’ll have to do that at low tide. Have you seen the Thames at low tide? Well I assure you, dear readers, that they’d better come prepared with industrial strength washing materials, as they will be wallowing up to their waists in a sea of mud.

ZERO  CARBON

BEACH PARTY

       Saturday 16th July

         is Zero Carbon Brain Day, a day
                to promote the goal of a
          'Zero Carbon Britain' by 2030

              When:  7.30 pm to  midnight
              Where: on the Thames, Central London

I think I might just nip up to thee big smoke that day with my camera.

P.S. They have a forum at their site. Last post was 26 weeks ago.