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Thursday, 19 May 2011

My First Ship

HMS Gannet

Now you all thought that my first ship was RFA Retainer. Well you were all wrong.

My first ship was HMS Gannet or as it was in my day, the Training ship Mercury. Now it didn’t look like the pic above in my day. The masts had gone, no funnel, and the upper deck was covered by a corrugated tin roof.

A little History.

HMS Gannet is therefore a classic example of the type of ship used to implement Great Britain's 'gunboat diplomacy' during the final 25 years of the nineteenth century. As fast if not faster than their sailing predecessors, sloops such as HMS Gannet maintained a capability as sea boats that ensured they could be kept at sea when larger ships had been forced to take refuge. In addition, her composite construction was ideal for her role allowing her to operate at sea for long periods and over long distances without the need for elaborate dockyard facilities to maintain her as her carpenter and crew could repair most minor damage while at sea. Indeed Gannet's designer, Sir Nathaniel Barnaby, was so confident in her hull design that he ordered that when ships of her type returned from duties overseas, they were only to have obvious work done, and were not to be stripped down completely, as was the general practice at the time.

In my day, the school day consisted of being turfed out of your hammock at six in the morning, whereupon the first order of the day was to generally clean up the ship. Scrubbing the decks was the chore of choice. Cleaning the toilets was not.

This was followed by rowing ashore in 36 foot cutters to the shore establishment, followed by the inevitable cold shower and a meagre breakfast. (Monday: Porridge, slice of bread, and an egg. Tuesday: Porridge, slice of bread, and a rasher of bacon. Wednesday: Same as Monday. Need I continue?). On completion it was tidying up up the shore establishment such as sweeping the parade ground and the like. (Have I mentioned toilets?).

Just to make sure we were all there we next had to form up on the parade ground in our divisions (Mine was called the poncy name of Rodney. Apparently he was a famous Admiral).The roll call didn’t always tally. During the winter of ‘62, 14  of our number escaped one night and made a break to freedom. Bearing in mind that the river Hamble in which were ensconced had frozen over, and that the ice was forming on the internal decks, I just wonder why I didn’t do the same. Mind you, my suggestion of tunnelling out was not very popular.

Then of course there were classes to attend. In addition to the usual, we learnt Navigation, Seamanship, and signals. (incidentally I hold O level passes in Navigation and Seamanship. Bye the way did I ever mention that my chosen profession was marine engineering).

Of course all things had to end. We had to row out to that bloody prison hulk again, in the evening.

Three years in prison. To be topical, Rapists have never had it so good.

The long and short of it was I left, and was enthusiastically grudgingly accepted as an engineering cadet in the Royal Fleet Auxiliary.

Why was the Training Ship Mercury set up?

Charles Hoare founded the school to rescue boys from unpromising environments and train them primarily for service in the Royal Navy. The first boys were said to be:
"improved street arabs of fourteen or fifteen years of age who have vouched for themselves that they are willing to enter the Royal Navy" picked up from the slums of London and quarantined at a cottage in Tooting before being sent to the ship."

The trials and tribulations of growing up with whores, booze, transvestites will soon be coming to a blog near you in the near future.

Say Aaaaaah

Marriage proposal by Movie.

Whatever next.

It’s the look on the girl’s face as it slowly dawns that it’s about her.

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

Could it happen here?

Imagine the scene:

Riots

The Uk’s people’s movement has finally awoken, Trafalgar square in London is now the country’s Tahrir Square, and the ‘Arab Spring’ has been joined by what is now bracing to become a long ‘European Summer’. As people across the Arab world continue their popular struggle for justice, peace and democracy, The Uk’s disillusioned citizens have finally caught on with full force. Slow at first, hopeful that the Uk’s dire economic conditions would magically correct themselves, the UK street has finally understood that democratic and economic justice and peace will not come from the pulpits of the country’s corrupt political elite. [......] A failed European project, with its borders quickly being reinstated, a collapsing Euro currency, and the examples of Greece, Portugal and Ireland are the reminders to those on the streets of what it is they are fighting to disassociate themselves from, and of the freedoms they are working towards. The economic and political project of the country’s elite has destroyed the economic dreams of whole generations of naïve and apathetic British. [...] A silent revolution has begun in the UK, a nonviolent revolution which seeks democracy through democratic means, justice through just means, and peace through peaceful means has finally captivated the imagination of the British people, and now there is no turning back. Hopefully an articulate steering committee will flourish soon from amongst the crowds, which is capable of making clear and viable demands that grab the imagination of the country and force the political elite to comply."

I would like to think so. However the above paragraph has been adjusted to read “UK” instead of “Spain”.

I personally think that unless our political scum politicians start to listen to the people that matter in this country (You and Me), the scenario above will eventually happen. What happened to the upstanding business men of old who after working to build up a company then decided to enter politics to try and improve the condition of their constituents? All I see now is a political class that has no affinity with how the real world works.

Many thanks to Witterings from Witney

Unsolicited Solar panels

solar panel

Today I received an unsolicited phone call from a company implying that they were working with  the government. (A quick google search debunked that). Anyway. Would you guess it, they were trying to sell me solar panels for my roof. After painfully listening to the prepared spiel, I asked for some hard economics. And this is what I got.

Cost: Mumbled about not really knowing till my location was inspected by their team of Salesmen Engineers. Even when I gave her rough dimensions of my south facing roof and the fact it was three stories up.

Maintenance: Very upbeat. “Absolutely maintenance free sir”. When I asked about cleaning the panels, and inverter through life costs, the other end of the phone line became very quiet.

Conclusion: I politely asked of her name and the details of the company she worked for. However when I informed her that I’d signed up for the Telephone preference service, and I would be informing Ofcom and Trading standards of their breach of the law, the last thing I heard was the equivalent of a Climate scientist sliding down a red hot hockey stick. A sizzling dial tone.

The Prisoner

prisoner

I wrote a diatribe a couple of weeks ago about ordering an item that was not delivered, and saved me money by finding the item cheaper elsewhere.

Guess what. It’s happened all over again. The package has been returned to the vendor as it was damaged and I’ve found the item cheaper elsewhere again.

The only problem is that throughout this period I’ve become a virtual prisoner in my home, waiting for non existent deliveries. Only making rapid forays to the local shop for vital top ups of essential supplies of whisky and ciggies. I’ve almost done as much time incarcerated as a corrupt MP.

I think that my sentence is nearly over as the item is to be delivered tomorrow as.I’m informed by the latest vendor.

Was that a squadron of flying pigs I just saw?

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

15 PPMV(Parts per million by volume)

An interesting video showing graphically how much CO2 is generated by humans

Not much is it?

stick that in your pipe and smoke it, BBC.. Their six O’clock news was a disgrace. Unbiased. I doubt whether they know how to spell it. Let alone what it means

Gobbledygook

 

What an earth does this mean?

We are looking for a Integrated Children's System Training Officer to manage a team of Systems Trainers and Support Advisors. The team is responsible for the delivery of systems training and the provision of first line support to the users of the Social Care recording systems, primarily the Integrated Children's System (Protocol) and supporting Management Information system (Swipe). The role will include; management of Training Room facilities throughout the County, development of a blended learning training programme and working alongside other key stake holders to enable the system users to make best use of the recording systems. The ideal candidate will have experience of managing a training team in a blended learning environment, experience of working in a large multi-disciplinary environment and be flexible and responsive to frequently changing demands.

And what an earth is a “Integrated Children’s system Training Officer” when it’s at home?

This little bit of new speak is taken from an ad for a council job.. And it pays well. Too well in my mind.

Salary: £28,500 £50,400
37 hours per week
Fixed term until 31st March 2012.

So if you live in Essex…………………………..

Then of course you could apply for a job of

Food Safety Hawk

They won’t help you

strauss

A note you don’t want to receive.

To my darling husband,

Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let  you know about the small  accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway..

Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.

I was coming home from Sylvia Park and when I turned into the driveway

I  accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. 

The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car. 

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me.

You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart. 

I am  enclosing a picture for you.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms  again.  



Your loving wife.

XX

crasg garage

P.S.

Your girlfriend phoned.

Monday, 16 May 2011

Mr Cameron. Please go back to School.

Mr. Cameron,

Can you please have a word with that Mr Huhne, who is setting out to bankrupt me and almost everyone else in the country, through higher fuel bills. (Mind you, he might be facing jail by the end  of the week).

The Earth has been warming for approximately 200 years. The rate of warming has been fairly constant at 0.5C per century from the beginning of that epoch until about the year 2000.  These natural, non-anthropogenic causes are well-known in the scientific literature. They are called climate cycles. The recent warming starting at the beginning of the 19th century superseded the so-called Little Ice Age which had lasted for several centuries.

I believe that you, as the PM of UK, has a real responsibility to check out what we Engineers call "the numbers". And the numbers are jolly important here, Mr. Cameron. Do you happen to know what happened to the important numerical value of the rate of warming when CO2 in terms of ppm started to grow strongly around 1945? The figure  was 0.5C per one hundred years, if you care to remember. Well, the answer is---nothing, absolutely nothing. Check out the climate stats at NOAA and you'll be impressed by the unaltered rate of warming (0.5C/century) up until ca 1998. Anthropogenic, fossil-burning type increase of the level of CO2 in the atmosphere from ca 280 ppm around 1945 to ca 390 ppm as of today didn't cause the global temperature to soar and accelerate one little bit.

And one more important number for you as the PM to watch: What happened to the rising global temperature after 1998? Well, the important thing is that nothing much has happened to the global T since then. The rate of warming as of today is approximately 0.12-0.14C per century which is not statistically significant. Despite the fact that since 1998 mankind has continued to inject CO2 into the air (in fact, about 25% of ALL the CO2 man ever produced by fossil burning occurred after 1998) the increase of global T has flattened and the Earth isn't getting any noticeably warmer. Even Phil Jones agrees with me about this. So why all the climate razzmatazz in your branch of life as opposed to mine? I wouldn't know. ;-)
It'd be much better for you to take my climatological crash course above than attempting singlehandedly to crash into a Hermageddon of economical ruin for Britain.

Think about it, will you? The climatology of the last million years is crystal clear - CO2 has never caused the global T to go up or down. Look at the ice core data from Antarctica, will you? It's the other way around - the heat content of the atmosphere and the big oceans cause CO2 to move up and down.

No mathematician or physicist I know has seen any evidence that the IPCC version of climate science can account for recurring climate cycles in a way that is even remotely as successful as standard, pre-IPCC text-book treatments of climate change. Buy yourself  a 1980's text-book dealing with climate and I'm sure you'll understand what I'm getting at, Mr. Cameron.

Regards

The Filthy Engineer.