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Monday, 19 December 2011


junk mail

(1) The three little words: 'Hold On, Please...'

Saying  this, while putting down your phone and walking off (instead of
hanging-up  immediately) would make each telemarketing call so much more time-consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a halt. Then when you eventually hear BT's 'beep-beep-beep' tone, you know it's time to  go back and hang up your have efficiently completed your task.
These three little words could help eliminate telephone soliciting.

(2) Do  you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the other end?

This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone calls  and records the time of day when a person answers the phone.
This  technique is then used to determine the best time of day for a 'real' salesperson to call back and get someone at home.

What you can do after answering: If  you notice there is no one there, is to immediately start hitting your #  button on the phone, 6 or 7 times, as quickly as possible. This confuses  the machine that dialled the call and it kicks your number out of their  system. Gosh, what a shame not to have your name in their system any  longer!!!

(3) When you get those  'pre-approved' letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd  mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw away the return  envelope.

Most of these come with postage-prepaid return  envelopes, right?
It costs them more than the regular  postage 'IF' and when they are returned. It costs them nothing if you  throw them away!

In that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk  mail and put it in these cool little, postage-prepaid return envelopes.
Send an advert for your local chimney sweeper to American  Express... They might need one!

Send a pizza coupon to HSBC... In case  their canteen packs up. You get the idea.

If you didn't get anything  else that day, then just send them back their blank application form....  After all, it is their form!

If you want to remain anonymous, just  make sure your name isn't on anything you return.
You can even  send the envelope back empty if you want to just to keep them guessing! It  still costs them, and it is their envelope after all; you are just  returning it!!!!

The banks and credit card companies are currently  getting a lot of their own junk back in the post, but folks....we need to  OVERWHELM them, in order to stop them.

Let's let them know what it's  like to get lots of junk mail, and best of all
they're paying for  it...Twice!

Let's help keep Royal Mail busy. Since the Royal Mail  is saying that e-mail is cutting into their business profits, let's help  them so they will not need to increase postage costs again. You get the  idea!

If enough people follow these tips, it will work ---- maybe  you'll get very
little junk mail anymore.


  1. Unsolicited Telemarketing calls are a reasonable substitute for those (allegedly) expensive Premium-rate Sex-Lines I've been told about.

    Best of all they're not only free, but you're actually helping BT make a profit & so contribute towards this country's Tax Revenues.

    One is entitled to discuss all manner of sexual perversions with the caller. And when he/she complains, simply explain that it was they who rang you.

  2. Thanks for the info FE. I keep getting those 'silent' phone calls but never know why, now I know to hit the # key. And only today I got a phone call from BT, I'm always getting these 'cold calling' phonecalls and next time I know what to do. :¬()

  3. hmm..I might have to do that to the stupid bastards over here in the USA.... actually I have to sit on the urge to actually pick the phone up and answer with something like this
    [redneck sounding twang] Jamie's Roadkill Cafe. You kill it, we'll grill it. You kaput it..we'll stew it. You flatten it, we'll fry it. Yessiree..that's our motto. So how what are we cooking for you today?"

    Or my personal favorite that I have to resist answer the bill collectors with..[indian/pakistani accent] "Punjabs House of Poontang. How can we be pleasing you today? No.. I am being sorry but there is being no one here by that name? No sir there is not being anyone here by that name and yelling at me will not get you laid. Now what kind of woman would you being liking for your pleasure today? You are not being wanting a woman? You are being wanting a little girl then? We can be doing this. No? Perhaps Sir/madam is preferring a young boy? This is being more difficult but is doable. No? Oh so it's a MAN you are being wanting? Oh this is the simplest of requests. We are being plenty of strong men for your selection. We are being located at[give them a false address..if you're feeling particularly nasty the address of the police station] Goodbye and being having a pleasant day."

  4. Well, being on the Telephone Preference Service hasn't helped much - I think the 'new kitchen' people who keep bothering me view the TPS (or the ICO) as toothless.

    For whatever reason they don't always block their number coming up on caller-id, so following your idea what I might do is write that number on some of the junk mail that I'll send back - the more time these people spend bothering each other, the less time they have to bother me, right?

  5. Derek-the numbers show up on caller ID alright but when you go to call them and large you'll get[at least here in the US] the 'that number doesn't exist, or this is not a working number' messages.

  6. This is so genius!!!

  7. I've been doing the 'Hold on, please' routine for a while. The trick to wasting as much of their time as possible is to go back to the phone, apologise for keeping them hanging on and ask them to start again from the beginning, then sound interested for a bit and perhaps ask a few questions before asking them to hold on again. You can often repeat the cycle three times - don't explain why you're asking them to hold on the first time, second time tell them you're getting a pen or something to take a few notes on what they're saying, third time it's run out, and so on. Asking really stupid questions is fine, as is asking them the same question you asked five minutes before but in a different way, and if you see a conversational opening to go off on a long tangent about something that starts of sounding related to what they're flogging but really has bugger all to do with anything you should grab it. And when it's clear that their new supermop really can't help you with your butterfly collecting after all ask them to hold on again for a minute. If you're able to get them to hang up on you while you're talking you've won the game and should reward yourself accordingly for your altruism, because while you were having fun you kept the irritating pricks from calling three or four other people.

  8. I've used all of those techniques in the past and sometimes recommend #3 to people.
    I've not had any random phone calls or junk mail for years but I'm very choosy about who I give my details to.

    I am however starting to get unsolicited text messeges from insurance companies and people claiming to help improve my "poor credt rating" (cheeky bastards). My only response is to ignore them completly since if you follow their invitation to get taken off their list, all you are doing is confirming that you are "real".

  9. Make sure those pre-paid return envelopes are full of leaflets - the heavier they are, the more it costs them.

  10. I've been sending back prepaid postage envelopes for years and in particular to one outfit known to support causes that offend and oppress me, with notes inside telling them what I think of them. (They've recently began preprinting my name/return-address on the envelope for me as identification of who is sending sh*te back to them - so it must be more than me doing this.)

    It's also worth while sending back political donation requests in prepaid envelopes empty or with garbage enclosed to tick them off as well.

    Frankly, I am about ready to step it up a notch and begin wrapping heavy bricks in brown postal wrapping paper and begin affixing their prepaid envelopes to those and dropping them in the box. Let them start paying by weight for bricks and they'll soon go bankrupt if enough do it.

    When put on hold after going through phone mail systems when needing customer service, especially with companies who give no service but offer plenty of telemarketing once you get through to customer service, I scream and yell foul filthy words as loud as can be into the Musak or company ads which usually triggers the computer to put me through to the next available representative pronto. I think the computers are programmed to listen for loud obnoxious callers using curse words at the top of their lungs to trigger the phone line be answered.

    I do like the idea of putting them on hold, indefinitely. That one I will have to try myself.

    Thanks !!!


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