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Wednesday, 1 December 2010

I’m not happy

I decided to test my happiness on The Happy Planet site. I expect a knock on the door any minute now from Cameron’s happy police. Below are a few of the results.

Sustainability Score

Your personal Happy Planet Index(HPI) is 0.

This is well below the UK average of 40.3 and is not far off the estimated HPI for Zimbabwe of 16.6. Sorry. There are however lots of ways that you can improve your score which will be contained in the rest of this feedback.

The tips and advice below may be useful for you. The websites referred to are all based in the UK, but should be relevant for anyone living in a wealthy country.

You: 0

Average: 54.1

Life Expectancy

You: 44.2

Average: 86.1

Better still

Ecological Footprint

Your ecological footprint is 4.98 global hectares, or 2.77 planets.

Do go and give the survey a try.

*I might have been slightly economical with the truth when answering the questions.*


  1. Yer a brave man FE. I gave up when it asked me if I smoked. Then I knew where it was going.

    Part of the 'smoking kills' agenda. I'm sure if I was run down by a bus somewhere a doctor would be able to mention smoking on my death certificate.

  2. I did it and lied on purpose just to see where it would take me... up my own backside as it turned out!

    Don't get the web these civil servants do they?

  3. I enjoyed that.

    I answered everything as honestly as I could and got an happy index of 19.5 - so not very happy at all then.

    Apparently they reckon I would feel happier if I did some volunteering - but I say bollocks to that. If a job is worth doing, then it's worth being paid for.

    But at least I'm eco friendly and have another 18 years to live! Personally, my life plan is to die quietly in my sleep on my 99th birthday. Until then, I'm quite happy being a miserable bastard...

  4. I'm going do do it again. This time I'm going to give them an Email address. Wonder if I will get a response. If I do it'll probably be from the Samaratins

  5. Update:

    Life Expectancy

    Your life expectancy is 25.2,

    (I obviously died 37 years ago)

    Whoooo I'm going haunting.

  6. I didnt do so bad. 17.7 and a couple of planets.
    Turns out I'm going to live untill 77. Not bad, I budgeted for 60 ;-)

  7. Ha! 7.1 scored, but I use 3-and-a-bit planets but will die next year. Hmm.

  8. Site's struggling.

    Must be all those miserable, eco terrorists clogging it up.

  9. Happy Planet 13
    Life expectancy 79
    Your ecological footprint is 8.11 global hectares, or 4.51 planets
    Life satisfaction 3
    Feeling good 18
    Doing Well 6
    Complete eco-bollocks from beginning to end.

  10. Yep, utter wibble with numbers plucked from the air for me too, all to promote their fair-trade, eco-righteous, Strength Through Joy agenda. Here's an example: I ticked the ex-smoker option and at the end I got the bilge about giving up smoking. 24 carat wankery.

  11. I'm not even gonna waste my time with it ..

    Because I actually couldn't give a Monkey's fuck about "Fair Trade" or "Carbon Footprints" or Eco-wankers ..

    Its the biggest con since some geezer claimed to have fed 5,000 with a tin of John West's Sardines & a loaf of Mother's Pride ..

  12. What's red and fucks old ladies?

    John West Salmon.

  13. I told em I'm happy and healthy, and I still got bloody nagged!

    Don't smoke, don't drive, don't fly. Exercise, volunteer.

    What a downer! They want me to be miserable?

    Hey, they didn't ask about sex, drugs n rocknroll!


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