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Thursday, 16 September 2010

Cold calling heats up.

I’ve just received a phone call which brightened up my day.

The call was from a claims management company. The type that promise to get all your money back from misselling of Financial products.

Being very polite, as is my wont, I asked him his Name, the Company he worked for,  and other pleasantries.

Before he could take off on his pre-planned spiel I also satisfied myself as to what his charges were. He was just about to launch into his spiel, when I stopped him dead in his tracks with. “I belong to the Telephone Preference service, what you are doing is against the law”.

He proceeded to attempt to explain that he had bought a list from somewhere.

By this time I was getting fed up with the call, so I decided to wind him up with the following:


“So you’re a Fence then?”

Replys he: “What?”

Me: “A receiver of stolen goods”.

Him: “I bought it in good faith”.

Me: “The same as me buying a DVD player in a pub then”.

Well I’ve learnt a few swear words that I hadn’t heard before. Don’t forget I was a sailor which guarantees a broader vocabulary than most. (I can swear in innumerable languages, even Cantonese).

Needless to say I didn’t get any of my non existent claims managed.

I really shouldn’t do it.

*End of snigger*


  1. Love it!
    I'd love to hear some cantonese swear words too.

  2. Yes, the old "I'm on the telephone no call list" is always good for a giggle. My particular favourite is to put the handset down gently and wander off for a cup of tea.

    It's their phone bill.

  3. They just piss me off. If I want a product I'll ask for it. If I don't, I won't.

  4. The Telephone Preference Service is an Excellent Thing. My cold calls are extremely rare and usually from India, and usually they've heard of it anyway, and toe the line. If you're not on it, get on it.

    Years ago, I was at a raucous bbq one Saturday, when some poor telesales sap rang up. The owner of the house passed the phone from one drunk to the next to chat to the hapless operative, who we tied up for at least ten minutes or so: he eventually gave up.

  5. They piss me off. It's BT who keep coming back and asking if I'm having a good day, and each time previously I have let them waffle on for ages about the latest phone/internet/TV package that will probably be cheaper etc. etc. After explaining I am not interested in any TV package, and my current provider is on par with them, and how I do not want their sales calls any more and please remove me from their database - I still get them.

    So now when they come on and introduce theirselves as from BT and ask how I am, I tell them that this call is being recorded for personal purposes that may be attached to evidence of harrassment by telephone, as repeatedly on previous occasions I have been contacted by BT asking if I woud like to 'come back' and repeatedly I have announced in no unclear manner I do not. Is that perfectly understood? At which point the apologised for takling my time and wish me good day.

    The ones that also annoy are the recorded messages about managing debt. I just hang up - but how can you stop these bloody things - anyone know?

  6. Like you I'm on TPS, but still have one or two random calls:

    'how did you get my number?', I asked.

    'it was sequential number dialing', chap replies.

    'ah you know that is against the 1984 Computer Misuse Act 1984 commonly know as 'war dialing', what you're doing is illegal' I respond.

    The last bit is a slight exaggeration but it sure as hell gets 'em off the phone double quick.

  7. TBF.

    I'm working my way through a number of options one of which will need a prop. I thought a tape of a screaming child in the close background would be good. I could keep telling the caller to speak up as I missed the last bit.


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