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Thursday, 26 August 2010

Going nuclear.



Further to my search for alternative power, to light and heat F.E. towers, See Here and Here, I’m going for more bangs for the bucks.

Damn wind power and solar, now’s the time for the big one.

First the shopping list.

*Finds blank fag packet*

Containment vessel. Yup, I’ve got an old hot water tank somewhere.

Pump. Check. Pond pump still works.

Heat exchanger. Check. Remove radiator from wife’s car.

Concrete shielding. B & Q here I come.

Wood for shuttering the concrete. Check. Can use the timber from the garden shed.

Turbine. Ok I’ll use they central heating pump as a turbine generator.

Need secondary circuit pump.

*Scratches head*

That’s the washing machine out of action. Better tell Mrs F.E that it’s broken and she’ll have to do the washing by hand for a while.

Fuel. Easy. Ebay must have plenty of old watches for sale with luminous radioactive dials.

Pipe. The kids have moved out so I’ll use the central heating pipes from their bedrooms.

Right, can anyone find fault with this specification? Answers please or Kent gets it. Spectacularly.

*Crumples up fag packet. Job done*


  1. You'll need helium for the coolant/propellant in the turbine, helium doesn't carry radioactivity so is safe for use, you should find your local card shop does helium balloons wholesale.
    Wouldn't advise trying it with water though, so the pond pump is out, nick the one from the fridge instead.

  2. Bollocks to that. The fridge has the beer in it.

  3. Oh no. They have a large dog.
    I'll take my chances with what I've got.

    PS. You don't happen to have any charcoal to make control rods? After all, the chances of you being able to have a barbecue are pretty slim at the moment.

  4. Alternatively you could lease a Hyperion. Build a small windmill and solar array in the back yard, pretend it's 'Green' and and sell the electricity back to the grid at a fat profit.

  5. I trust your reactor will not be used to enrich plutonium for sale to Iran? Otherwise the UN will impose sanctions on Tunbridge!

  6. Or how about hydro power based on your toilet flushes? A small turbine in the pan should do long as you can aim straight that would add to it!

  7. As per Dioclese's suggestion, but augmented with natural gas if you can find just the right diet for continual supply.

  8. So you want me to become a lentil muncher now?

  9. Well, you have been looking at windmills and solar panels ;-)

  10. Nuffin wrong wif lentils?

  11. Its them feckin beans that do me owd guts in. Shit bricks I do efter beans. Frightens the feck out the dog too when I let rip. Stick wit lentils my friend. You know where you are wi a good lentil.

  12. Fart gas (methane) needs scrubbing. I know a few owd scrubbers I can introduce you to.


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