Beware of gadget gifts

 

It all began with an iPhone...
March was when our son celebrated his 23rd birthday, and we got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't?

I celebrated my birthday in December, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

Our daughter's birthday was also in December so we got her an iPod Touch.

My wife celebrated her birthday in January so I got her an iRon.

It was around then that the fight started...
What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.
This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.
I should be out of the hospital next week!!

PS: iHurt!!

Costa Concordia and AIS

Reconstruction of the Costa Concordia Tragedy, Narration by John Konrad from gCaptain.com on Vimeo.

SATS

To all teachers of English language, hold your breath
The following questions were set in last year's SAT examination
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and they WILL breed.

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A.. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.. (wtf!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

Work.

No matter what your job, you should always try and make the most of it.....

That envelope.

At 1655 (Five to five in the afternoon) today my son was summoned to his boss’s office. He was politely asked to sit down and after a few pleasantries was handed an envelope. What was in that envelope at that time of day? Could it be?

The sack.

The boy however noticed that his boss had a smile on his face. (Of course it could have been an evil grin). My son opened the envelope to find…………………..To be continued.

Nah.

 

 

The note inside informed dearly beloved son (Now I'm really being stupid), that he was getting a raise in salary. Of course in these straightened times you would expect a pittance. However he nearly fell off his chair. His salary was going to rise by 20%. (He’s not a banker bye the way).

 

I think the reason behind this is, that his superiors value his dedication to the project that he’s working on, and  reward accordingly.

Moral of this story:

If you work hard, you will be rewarded by private industry. If you don’t, you deserve to be sacked.

I wish it would happen in the public domain. One such illiberal springs to mind.

Don’t try this at home.

 

Liberal. You must be joking.

This is about a blog post by the illiberal chair of the “All parliamentary group on smoking and health”. His blog post is about the push to plain packet cigarettes into our shops.

This morning I was pleased to help launch Europe’s first major campaign to raise awareness of the dangers of glitzy tobacco packaging to children.  The Coalition Government will shortly launch its consultation exercise on whether to follow the example of Australia and introduce the plain packaging of cigarettes.

Of course the commenters on his blog are totally supportive of this action he his so proud of.

Do go and read them. He is ever so slightly in the majority. (NOT).

He comes across as a typical politician that has found a band wagon to further his political career. Hopefully the wheels will fall off one day.

Do go and comment.

Oh dear. Not more problems with Wind Turbines?

It seems that another little problem has cropped up with those pesky offshore Bird mincers, apart from already discovered:

Wind energy is taking an increasing battering, with vulnerability to storm damage, under-performance and increasing social and environmental impacts giving cause for concern.

The latest problem is “Scour”.

It also appears offshore turbine towers are more susceptible to scour than predicted, according to the latest issue (164 MA4) of the ICE’s Maritime Engineering journal.

A team of research engineers from the Technical University of Denmark report that stone armour around the 4.2 m diameter monopile foundations of the vast Horns Rev offshore wind farm in the North Sea was found to have unexpectedly sunk by up to 1.5 m.

Oh dear. This is caused by the vortex caused by the currents flowing around the base of a wind turbine.

A team of research engineers from the Technical University of Denmark report that stone armour around the 4.2 m diameter monopile foundations of the vast Horns Rev offshore wind farm in the North Sea was found to have unexpectedly sunk by up to 1.5 m.

Oops. I’ve a sneaky feeling that they might not last their projected 20 year life span.

Bye the way when are the plod going to make up their mind whether to prosecute the Huhnatic for his alleged speeding offense. if I’d been caught I’m sure I would have been prosecuted by now. 

Download the sum of all knowledge

 

Shamelessly nicked from Microdave and Max

Unlimited energy

Just join two immutable facts together and we have a new source of perpetual energy.

I must rush to patent this. Be back soon.