Dead Man Walking

Don’t try this at home.

 

 

 

 

 

Loggerythms

1. Teaching Maths In 1970

A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.. 
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. 
What is his profit?

2. Teaching Maths In 1980

A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100. 
His cost of production is 80% of the price. 
What is his profit?

3. Teaching Maths In 1990

A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100. 
His cost of production is £80. 
How much was his profit?

4. Teaching Maths In 2000

A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100. 
His cost of production is £80 and his profit is £20. 
Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Maths In 2005

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands.

Your assignment: Discuss how the birds and squirrels might feel as the logger cut down their homes just for a measly profit of £20.

6. Teaching Maths In 2009

A logger is arrested for trying to cut down a tree in case it may be offensive to Muslims or other religious groups not consulted in the application for the felling license. He is also fined a £100 as his chainsaw is in breach of Health and Safety legislation as it deemed too dangerous and could cut something. He has used the chainsaw for over 20 years without incident however he does not have the correct certificate of competence and is therefore considered to be a recidivist and habitual criminal. His DNA is sampled and his details circulated throughout all government agencies. He protests and is taken to court and fined another £100 because he is such an easy target.

When he is released he returns to find Gypsies have cut down half his wood to build a camp on his land. He tries to throw them off but is arrested, prosecuted for harassing an ethnic minority, imprisoned and fined a further £100. While he is in jail again the Gypsies cut down the rest of his wood and sell it on the black market for £100 cash. They also have a departure BBQ of squirrel and pheasant and leave behind several tonnes of rubbish and asbestos sheeting. 
The forester on release is warned that failure to clear the fly tipped rubbish immediately at his own cost is an offence. He complains and is arrested for environmental pollution, breach of the peace and invoiced £12,000 plus VAT for safe disposal costs by a regulated government contractor.

Your assignment: How many times is the logger going to have to be arrested and fined before he realizes that he is never going to make £20 profit by hard work, give up, sign onto the dole and live off the state for the rest of his life?

7. Teaching Maths In 2010

A logger doesn’t sell a lorry load of timber because he can’t get a loan to buy a new lorry because his bank has spent all his and their money on a derivative of securitized debt related to sub-prime mortgages in Surrey and lost the lot, with only some government money left to pay a few million-pound bonuses to their senior directors and the traders who made the biggest losses.

The logger struggles to pay the £1,200 road tax on his old lorry. However, as it was built in the 1970s it no longer meets the emissions regulations and he is forced to scrap it.

Some Bulgarian loggers buy the lorry from the scrap merchant and put it back on the road. They undercut everyone on price for haulage! send their cash back home, while claiming unemployment for themselves and their relatives. If questioned they speak no English and it is easier to deport them at the governments expense. Following their holiday back home they return to the  UK  with different names and fresh girls and start again. The logger protests, is accused of being a bigoted racist and as his name is on the side of his old lorry he is forced to pay £1,500 registration fees as a gang master.

The Government borrows more money to pay more to the bankers as bonuses are not cheap. The parliamentarians feel they are missing out and claim the difference on expenses and allowances.

You do the maths.

8. Teaching Maths 2017

أ المسجل تبيع حموله شاحنة من الخشب من اجل 100 دولار. صاحب تكلفة

الانتاج 80 من

الثمن. ما هو الربح له

We are the Brits

Just a bit of a song post tonight. Instead of cowering in fear of the EU, we should remind ourselves. WE ARE THE BRITS. We’ll always be a great nation and should be proud of the fact.

H/T to Witterings from Witney

Wonder why the French are so unpopular?

JFK'S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60's when De Gaulle decided to pull out of NATO.  De Gaulle said he wanted all US military out of France as soon as possible.

Rusk responded
"Does that include those who are buried here?"

You could have heard a pin drop

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American.  During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims.  What does he intended to do, bomb them?'

A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly:

'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply Emergency  electrical power to shore facilities; they have three  cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, They can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck.  We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?' 

You could have heard a pin drop. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Royal Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, the English learn only English. He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'

Without hesitating, the British Admiral replied,

'Maybe it's because the Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'

You could have heard a pin drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN
WITH THE ABOVE...

Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on. 

"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked  sarcastically. 

Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously. 

"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready." 

The Englishman said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it." 

"Impossible. You English always have to show your passports on arrival in France !" 

The English senior gave the Frenchman a long hard  look.  Then he quietly explained,

''Well, when I came ashore at Gold Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to." 

You could have heard a pin drop.

Those messages.

In a previous post I touched on this trend recently of receiving unsolicited text messages relating to PPI (Payment protection Insurance).

Here’s some useful info in how to report them to your Telephone service provider.

You may be report these messages to your provider. The following links may help:

Vodafone – How do I report spam text messages? Forward the spam message to VSPAM (87726).

Orange – Stop spam text messages. If you are on Orange and get spam messages, please forward them to 7726 free from your Orange phone. By doing this you are helping Orange to collate information to help reduce spam messages being sent to you and others.

02 also allow you to report on 7726. See: SPAM and unwanted subscription texts

I would also try forwarding the message onto 7726 if you are with T-Mobile or Three.

Every little helps. When you forward it on, don’t forget to add the scam number. I did!

Well I never

I’ve just tried out the experiment below.

 

It works, it works.

We all love the European union.

Or at least 99% of us do. Apparently.

The European Commission believes it is backed by a “silent majority” in favour of its push for further EU integration and potential future role as the economic government of Europe.

Madam Raccoon has the whole story. Do visit her in her chateau for the the whole story, and how you can stir up the EU nest .

Over to you.

Ban it, Ban it.

If Leg iron can do it so can I.

He really is the face of Nu labour the new conservative party. It’s not the way I want to be governed.

Look Dave. Stop pandering to the focus groups and special interests. There’s more important things such as saving our country from going down the financial drain.

Oh well

I was well into a post fisking our glorious leader’s speech yesterday. However I inadvertently pressed the wrong key on my keyboard and the whole post disappeared into the ether except for one lonely “n”. (Don’t ask me which key. If I knew I’d remove it with an axe).

Instead I’ll give you this ridiculous article instead of being pissed off all day. That last sentence will give you a clue to what I’m about to write about.

 

A sign that is used to point out where you can get relief when your bladder is bursting is the subject of hate by some.

Although the origins of the abbreviation “WC” are English, it has been adopted into everyday usage in German, Italian, Dutch, Hungarian and even French.

But now councillors in Gwynedd, north Wales, are being asked to justify the decision to include the term on roadsigns in the area.

The issue is due to be debated at the next meeting of the county council’s “language sub committee” following a complaint about the use of the non Welsh initials, short for water closet.

They really are mad. Or Batty

There was controversy recently over a £650,000 bridge being built over the same bypass to help bats cross the road.

Oh well, time for lunch. Oh and a pee.

Pronunciation

How do YOU pronounce “ Oklahoma ”?

Do you think it's correct?
There is a right way and a wrong way to pronounce “ Oklahoma ” .
If  you say OK...LAHOMA

You're WRONG.

The  proper way  is: OKLA .......HOMA. There's a gap between  the 'a' and the  'h'.

I can prove   it.....................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There, you learned something today!