Rebellion

I wonder if  it’ll catch on here. I suspect that it may.

Now the average Brit is a very tolerant type and has been for decades. However I think that’ll change in the next few years.

Here’s what I predict:

In 2012 the cuts will make the populace sit up from dozing on the couch (In front of the 42” TV, Natch) and realise that life is going to become very hard indeed. Petrol at £2.00 per litre for instance.

By 2015 the LibCon conspiracy is ousted by a Labour election victory.

Labour undo five years of deficit reduction, and spend, spend , spend.

Smoking is banned in cars and public places. A minimum price for alcohol is set at £1 per unit, and a new department for tackling obesity is formed.

Inflation rises to higher than the 70’s. The IMF are called in and declare the UK a basket case.

By 2018, the lights start to go out due to extensive power cuts caused by successive Governments’ obsession with Wind turbines and other useless bits of green thinking.

After clashes with the Police, the borough of Tower hamlets manages, through the  EU Court of Human Rights, to declare that it will abide by Sharia law, and non Muslims are forbidden.

In 2019, the Falkland Islands are occupied by Argentina as the UK  navy has been reduced to a coastal defence force.

Civil unrest breaks out  in the North of the UK, as unemployment reaches 50% and ACPO deploys heavily armed thugs Police Officers to break up the protests.

The BBC are forced to declare bankruptcy as  the majority of the populace have refused to pay for the license fee, to fund left wing spin and obfuscation. And of course they can’t pay their pension obligations as a majority of their funds were tied up in Green technologies.

2020. During a mass demonstration in parliament square, armed police shoot dead 20 protesters. Further protests erupt  throughout the UK. Millions take to the streets resulting in many more deaths, including a war hero from Afghanistan.

A police station is torched by angry protesters,

January 2020. After the coldest winter since the little ice age. Thousands of pensioners have died due to to the fact that they can’t heat their homes due to the green tariffs, mass protests become the norm outside the Palace of Westmonster.

Martial law declared.

Police heavy handed, co-ordinated by ACPO, ruthlessly gain control.

A hitherto unknown colonel declares his battalion in support of the protesters and clashes with the police. The Police retreat in disarray.

The chief of the General staff throws his hat into the ring and declares that the army will support regime change. The Navy which has no ships, agrees. Due to the fuel shortages the RAF can’t afford to fly in support.

A citizen march on Westminster drags out those MPs who are not in hiding and submits them to a court of “Public Opinion”. 200 are hanged from westmonster  lamposts. The rest have fled the country.

Wishful thinking.

Holidays. I hate them.

Well I hate the hassle of organising them. This afternoon I would rather have been in Libya than having to negotiate the Easyjet online booking system. Now don’t get me wrong, I do hope that those in Libya get out safely. FE in his career, has been bombed, missiled, and shot at on many occasions. Not least the Spanish Navy helicopter pilot and his depth charge. But that’s another story. Oh, I forget that cruise missile incident.

Back to Easyjet:

They sucker you in by purporting to have low fares, and yes, they have to their credit. The same journey by other carriers is twice as much and their route to the destination we are going to, takes twice as long.

However to avail yourself of these cheap tickets you end up paying upfront, before being asked a plethora of information that you don’t have at your finger tips. Our party consisting of seven, living in various parts of the Kingdom of Great Britain, and Northern Ireland, does not make it easy to get the info at short notice.

And God help us if I’ve mispelled a name, or buggered up a passport number, an issue date, an expiry date, a date of birth, whether I require Halal food (OK, I made that one up).

I think I’ll stay at home.

Happy.

No I’m bloody not
What’s with all this prying into our lives? Firstly we’re going to be forced under pain of fines to fill in the most obtrusive census forming in living memory.

17. What questions will I have to answer?

We ask about work, health, national identity, citizenship, ethnic background, education, second homes, language, religion, marital status and so on. People in Wales will have an extra question about the Welsh language.

Why should I be forced to tell them whether I work or not? Are they trying to find benefit cheats.
What business is it of theirs, what my health is? That’s between me and my GP. I shall write “DEAD” on mine.
National Identity? Am I going to tell them anything other than British? Maybe they’re at long last going to track down illegal immigrants. I don’t think so.
Language? Who cares what I speak as long a the local shopkeeper can understand my request for 60 cigarettes and a bottle of grouse. (Arnott and Shenker, I hope you will read that)’
Religion. That’s easy. I’m declaring myself as a founder member of  Smokology (order of  Superkings, first class).
Marital status? None of your business.  More benefit cheat entrapment.
As for the Welsh………………. enough said.

And finally they want me to answer a survey on how happy I am according to the Beeb tonight.

What do you think I am?

Buckle up

The National Roads Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt.
Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed.
Correct installation is illustrated below.......

Love lost in the Computer age.

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend to Husband and noticed a
distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend. In addition, Husband uninstalled many other valuable programmes, such as Romance and Personal Attention and then installed undesirable programs such as Rugby, Football, Sailing and Continuous TV. Conversation no longer runs, and Housecleaning simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?

Signed, Desperate
...................................................
Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend is an Entertainment Package, while Husband is an Operating System. Please enter the command: 'http: I Thought You Loved Me.html' and try to download Tears.
Don't forget to install the Guilt update. If that application works as
designed, Husband should then automatically run the applications Jewellery and Flowers, but remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband to default to Grumpy Silence, Garden Shed or Beer. Beer is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband.
In summary, Husband is a great system, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. It also tends to work better running one task at a time. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food and Hot Lingerie.

Good Luck,
Tech Support

Dedicated to Lizi, Kat, & Chris.

Hospital food.

 

A Blogger spent time in the NHS for a debilitating bone disease and found Hospital food, as you would never like to have to eat.

Traction man on channel 4.

Here’s his Site. Just read through it to be appalled.

When will he admit defeat?

The map below purports to show who controls the various areas of Libya. I don’t know how true it is, but I would suggest El Presidente gets the hell out of Dodge, if he wishes to stay alive.

 

H/T to the captain for this.

That man in Libya.

Well everyone else has posted it.

Bahrain Grand Prix

Sod you, Angry Exile. That’s another ruined keyboard.

Don’t eat or drink anything. It’ll kill you.

What is it with these so called health experts? Why can’t they leave us alone?

So how much red meat CAN we eat?

Latest warning suggests too much will cause cancer.

Adults will be advised to eat no more than 500g a week –the equivalent of just three rashers of bacon a day. And.

A group of leading doctors will today brand ministers’ strategy for tackling Britain’s booze culture ‘inconsequential’ and blame ministers for being ‘too close’ to the drinks industry.

And even more doom mongering.

But the bitter truth is that a small bottle of flavoured water can contain as much sugar as a plate of Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

The most popular brand, Volvic’s Touch of Fruit in lemon and lime, has 27.5g of sugar in its standard 500ml bottle – equivalent to almost seven teaspoons.

What'’s more, the articles were all in the same paper. Can’t we have a bit less of  the “We’re all going to die”, for a change?

I wonder if I can retreat behind a paywall?