Busy

Babysitting.

For a while you have no grandchildren, and then all of a sudden two come at once. Just like buses. After having four years of retirement, it's like going back to work. When you've just got into the habit of doing what you want to, when you want, it comes as a shock. It's like work. Certain things have to be done at certain times. (Feeding, nappy changing, getting them to sleep, etc. At least when I was working I could discuss the day's plan of action. Now my workforce just scream at me.

At least I don't have to pay them.

Can lightening strike twice. Yes it can.

Three years (ish) ago my eldest daughter and her partner (Now my son in law) were informed that they only had a 5% chance of having a child. However against all odds and just before they were going to try IVF treatment, the little miracle occurred. My daughter became pregnant. They now have a bouncing nineteen month (I thinkish)  boy.

From the moment he was diagnosed with testicular cancer, Huw Allanson had feared his dream of becoming a father would never come true.
Having battled testicular cancer twice – losing his left testicle and having nine rounds of chemotherapy in the process – he was told his chances of becoming a father were just five per cent.
But this year, he’s had more to celebrate than most. Incredibly, just a week before he and his fiancé Lizi, 32, were due to start IVF, they discovered they had managed to conceive naturally and their son Ryan was born in in April this year. (That’s 2012)(And they’re now married).

Here's the story in full
They love the boy (Ryan) but were resigned to him being an only child.
However the fairy tale doesn’t end there. Guess what?
She’s now pregnant again!

Grrrrrrrh. More babysitting.

I've finally posted this.

How to open a beer.

Public service announcement.

NB. The author of this post takes no responsibility for any loss of body parts whilst carrying out some of these suggestions.

Engineering argument.

Political correctness. The definition.

There's an annual contest at Bond University, Australia, calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term.

This year's chosen term was 'political correctness'.

The winning student wrote:

'Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rapidly promoted by mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end.’

Just saying.

Who could he be?

A young man's dream to be an artist was crushed when his application to enter the fine arts academy was rejected .... his crushed dream turned into a tragic nightmare for the world........ He painted these pictures.

The person who painted these pictures wanted to attend the Viennese academy of Fine arts and become famous as an artist.

If he had been accepted by the academy, the world’s history could have been different. His name was………

 

 

 

 

 

Adolph Hitler.

Why just me?

Who does this suitcase belong to?

Suppose you opened a suitcase and found the following items in it. Who would you think it belongs to?

One pair of ladies sandals.

Four ladies dresses.

One chick lit book.

A bikini.

One yellow child swimming pool aid.

One packet of children's’ swimming nappies.

One pair of women's’ shorts.

Well you’d be wrong if you thought it was a woman’s suitcase. It was actually mine. (And no, I’m not a closet cross dresser).

I was really surprised when I checked in at Faro airport on the way back from our holiday, to find out my case was 0.7 kg overweight.

The buggers had been sneaking stuff into my case when I wasn’t looking.

BRITISH HUMOUR IS DIFFERENT

 

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bas***d.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

**** And the WINNER is... ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

Where's FE?

If you have seen the books called "Where's Wally", youll know where I'm coming from. The caricature of Wally is in a picture containing multiple characters and is hidden in plain sight.

It appears to me that I'm Wally in the eyes of Mrs FE. Two nights in a row I've been sitting at the same table at the villa and Mrs FE has asked in a loud voice "Where's Mr  FE?  The fact that both times I was sitting opposite  was somewhat disconcerting.

Maybe I died and am just wandering around Portugal as a shade.