We’re getting buffeted by the media and politicians about terrible images being shown to the children. We all seem have to behave to some mythical norm, dictated to us by the Nanny State.
Well my childhood was never risk free either. As you can see from the picture below.
Now do I get some sympathy?
Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."
Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."
Nelson: "Hold on, this isn't what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning of this?"
Hardy: "Sorry sir?"
Nelson (reading aloud): „ England expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability.' - What gobbledygook is this for God's sake?"
Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting „ England " past the censors, lest it be considered racist."
Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."
Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free working environments."
Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the main brace to steel the men before battle."
Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the Government's policy on binge drinking."
Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it full speed ahead."
Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water."
Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest, please."
Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir."
Nelson: "What?"
Hardy: "Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness; and they said that rope ladders don't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until proper scaffolding can be erected."
Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."
Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the foredeck Admiral."
Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."
Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier- free environment for the differently abled."
Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card."
Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under- represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."
Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."
Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"
Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy."
Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."
Nelson: "What? This is mutiny!"
Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There are a couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."
Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"
Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not."
Nelson: "We're not?"
Hardy: "No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."
Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."
Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity coordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary report."
Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your King."
Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your life"
Nelson: "Don't tell me - Health and Safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?"
Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment."
Nelson: "What about sodomy?"
Hardy: "I believe that is now legal, sir."
Nelson: "In that case................... Kiss me, Hardy."
Editor’s note: Smoking is nearly banned on ships, drinking is limited, working at height regulations, border on the ridiculous. Rules of engagement don’t allow the commanding officer to make a timely decision. and a blind eye is turned on sodomy.
*Dedicated to Captain Haddock. With special thanks to David Wheeler who made this post possible*
BANG.
At least 100 officers surrounded Richard Jablonski's home after someone called police to say he had a gun.
Following the siege in January Mr Jablonski was arrested and charged with possessing an imitation firearm with intent to cause fear of violence.
I presume Mr Jablonski is an international terrorist, with an arsenal of machine guns, rocket launchers, and other sundry artillery.
Then again I would be wrong.
But the case against him was dropped after it was accepted the 38-year-old was actually holding a bottle of the household cleaning product during the incident.
It took 100 Officers to ascertain that fact!
Read the full story HERE.
And you have to love some of the comments
My last attempt was like trying to commit suicide. Here’s the way to do it. I don’t know why I never tried this before. This method was sent to me lately.
1. Put both lids of the lavatory up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement put the cat in the lavatory and close the lid.
You may need to stand on the lid
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds.
Never mind the noises that come from the lavatory, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the lavatory three or four times, this provides a 'power-wash and rinse'.
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the lavatory as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.
8. The cat will rocket out of the lavatory, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the lavatory and the cat will be sparkling clean..
Yours sincerely,
The Dog !!
An interesting read from the Institute of Economic Affairs1. His article makes extraordinary and worrying reading by the mere fact that there are now 27,000 government funded charities. He gives a general background with examples of how they have expanded he also gives instances of how out of control the situation has become.
……….It explains why an organisation like the Food Standards Agency can go from having a tiny staff investigating restaurant poisonings to having a budget of £500 million and a mission that has expanded to campaigning against salt, fat and eating crisps during football matches
And of course he lays into our old favourite, ASH (Action on Smoking and Health).
Once it became clear that ASH would never become the mass movement its founders envisaged, its staff focused on networking with the political and media elite of London. It began to fulfil the criteria
of a successful pressure group as set out by Mancur Olson in The Logic of Collective Action - a small but concentrated interest of professional anti-smoking activists against a larger, diffuse interest group of smokers. Perversely blessed with a small membership and a handful of employees (its English office had just six paid staff in 1979), it was able to avoid bickering and maintain a sharp focus on
each policy objective. Peter Hollins, Director General of the British Heart Foundation, said in 2007, ‘ASH is a casebook example of how a small but well-organised and effective group can stimulate
and guide a powerful movement. The assortment of lobby groups which ASH coordinated to fight for the smoking ban between 2004 and 2006 was the very definition of what William H. Riker termed
the ‘minimum winning coalition’ (Riker, 1962); big enough to win, but small enough to be sustainable in the long-term.ASH continues to influence public and politicians through its media appearances, press releases and parliamentary briefings. In 2010/11, it responded to no fewer than fourteen public consultations, often in support of measures ASH itself had recommended to the DH, which continues to fund them. In Westminster, it works through the All-Party Parliamentary Group on Smoking and Health, which was set up by ASH director Mike Daube in 1976 in the hope of persuading individual MPs to table Private Members’ Bills and Early Day Motions on ASH’s behalf. The APPG was originally known, more tellingly, as the All-Party Parliamentary Group for Action on Smoking and Health and
ASH continues to dominate its activity.
In other words the Government of the day pays a lobby group to publicise what it doesn’t want to publish itself. A case of it “wasn’t us guv”.
Do go read it. It should be exposed to the light of day as to what’s wrong with this country.
1Christopher Snowdon is an author, journalist and researcher who focuses on lifestyle freedoms,prohibition and dodgy statistics. He is a research fellow at the Institute of Economic Affairs, writes for City AM and Spiked, and regularly appears on TV and radio discussing social and economic issues. He wrote Velvet Glove, Iron Fist: A History of Anti-Smoking (2009) and The Spirit Level Delusion (2010). His most recent book is The Art of Suppression: Pleasure, Panic and Prohibition since 1800 (2011) which looks at the prohibition of alcohol, drugs and tobacco. Born in North Yorkshire, he now lives with his wife and daughter in Sussex.
A sock puppet is defined by Wikipedia as ‘a false identity assumed by a member of an internet community who spoke to, or about himself while pretending to be another person.’ The average sock puppet uses pseudonyms to praise and endorse his own views.
Well not quite as many as that.
I’m afraid this is about smoking again. My history of the slow strangulation of smoking rights.
I’ll start at the beginning of the slow but sure campaign by the anti-smokers.
In the mid sixties, I was a callow youth just starting out in my career as a Marine Engineer. In those days you could smoke anywhere. Even in the classroom. The only rule was that you supplied your own ashtray.The top deck of buses were set aside for smokers, as was the back end of aircraft. Trains had nearly half the carriages designated for smoking. Believe it or not, you were actually allowed to smoke in pubs and clubs.
Then came the rise of the nu-puritans.
The first to go was smoking on aircraft. Smoking carriages on trains were reduced to one badly maintained area which you would be prosecuted if you decided to transport cattle in it. Buses followed suit.
Smoking in workplaces was severely curtailed by having one smoking room.
Just as an aside to the general point of this article. When I was on secondment to a department of the ministry of defence about 12 years ago, I used their smoking room. At the time it was just at the end of the Irish troubles but we were expected to work in civilian clothes in order not draw attention to who we were. In that smoking room I met many people, of which I had no real idea of who they were, although after a while we all surmised what our respective fields were.
A few of us formed informal relationships, in that we were of the same age group and became friends because of that room.
Imagine my surprise when we were all ordered to wear uniform again in a drive to boost recruitment for the forces. I suddenly found that I was friends with people who were stratospherically higher in rank than my pay grade. Captains (Naval), a vice admiral, and the head of the defence fire service. Rank notwithstanding, we remained informal friends in that room.
Back to the topic I started with.
Slowly but surely I saw more changes. On ships, smoking was banned from alleyways (corridors in lay parlance), The Bridge, and the Machinery control room, and all offices.
After that came no smoking in areas that served food. Fair enough you would say. No.The bastards in charge included the bars as, wait for it, crisps served there, counted as food. The only place left to smoke was in your cabin.(my main place of residence for 2/3rds of the year. The other 1/3 being on leave at filthy mansion).
Of course when the smoking ban came in in 2007, even smoking in cabins was banned. Instead smoking was only permitted on one area of usually windswept and badly lit deck. I’m waiting to hear that someone will be washed overboard one dark and stormy night. And although I will feel sorry for the bereaved, I hope they sue the pants off the MOD under HSE regulations.
Could ASH be indicted as well for colluding in pre-meditated murder?
The Smoking ban was the only reason I retired when I did. Up till then I loved my job. After the ban I hated it.
Sorry for the rant ruining your Sunday evening.
