Nothing too much trouble

 

Production Notes from the land of "Nothing is too much trouble for those with too much time!":

11,008 photographs were taken for the film.

3,184 photographs made the final cut.

80 Rubik’s Cubes were hired for the shoot.

10 hours to animate 18 frames of the Rubik’s Cube equaliser.

148 Subbuteo men hired for the shoot.

99 Red Balloons by Nena is the vinyl record in the opening sequence.

7 Hungry Hippos were harmed during the making of the film.

160 pick-up sticks are equalised.

1 John Hunt Little Champion Pie Machine was used as the record press.

4 hours to shoot the hungry hippos being minced.

12 photographs per second appear in the film.

6 hours to plan and shoot the camera dolly in on the minced Subbuteo.

32 days were spent animating.

I wouldn’t have the patience or the dexterity. Mind you the chopping bits looked fun.

French Fun

 

A bit of culture.

In April 2012 Copenhagen Phil (Sjællands Symfoniorkester) surprised the passengers in the Copenhagen Metro by playing Griegs Peer Gynt. The flash mob was created in collaboration with Radio Klassisk http://radioklassisk.dk/. All music was performed and recorded in the metro.

I’m doing my bit to save us from the drought.

However I’m contributing more CO2 to the atmosphere, (As if I care) by not having one of those new fangled condensing boilers (NFCB). Now my old fashioned boiler (Nearly new, due to getting it fitted before the diktat came in from the government, that you had to fit condensing crap), works by heating my water and storing it in an insulated tank. Works for me, as throughout the day I have hot water on tap. (Boiler on for one hour morning and early evening, with half hour top up at midday). (From what I’ve read and heard, most new installations do not have hot water cylinders. Why not?)

If you have a NFCB system that’s fitted now it’s akin to having one of those old fashioned Ascot boilers that just supplied hot water on demand.

 

Remember them? From turning on the tap it took forever to get a decent temperature hot water.

Well the new condensing boilers as fitted to my son’s and eldest daughter’s houses are modern day clones.

To do the washing up just now in my abode it only took about a fifth of a gallon at the most  in order for me to have piping hot water entering my washing up bowl. (I do the washing up, her indoors knows her place and does the ironing) 

At my son’s house it takes for ever and at least three gallons before just tepid water issues from the tap. Five minutes later if you need to refill the washing up bowl, you have to go through the whole rigmarole again, FFS.

Did TPTB envisage this when they decided to meddle in things they don’t understand, all in the name of preventing the utter twaddle of man made global warming?

No wonder we have a water shortage if we use at least fifteen times as much water before it is hot enough to usefully use.

Wankers. (In my time as an engineer they were known as “non technical terrorists”)

Sunday silliness

 

1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you've got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend... But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
And an all time favorite-
34 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

H/T to Theo

Chicken farming.

Well not quite.

A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes..

The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What’s your occupation?"

"I'm a prostitute," she says.

The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, " Let's try to rephrase that."

The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl".

"No, that still won't work. Try again."

They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer."

The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?"

"Well, I raised a thousand cocks last year."

"Chicken Farmer it is."

Your corner shop - 2020

Imagine shopping where everything looks the same?

This is a warning that even if you don't smoke and think smokers deserve to be treated in this manner, then think again. Like beer and chocolate? Then you're next.

Oh and don't put salt on your chips.

Australian tourist board answers your questions

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)

__________________________________________________
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (   UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
__________________________________________________

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A:Depends how much you've been drinking.
__________________________________________________

Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
__________________________________________________

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________

Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of  Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________

Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
__________________________________________________

Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is 
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
__________________________________________________

Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
__________________________________________________
Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from..
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
__________________________________________________
Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
__________________________________________________
Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________
Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

Dedicated to the Angry Exile

The silent majority

To   David Cameron (Prime Minister) & Ed  Milliband (Leader of the Opposition)  ...

You BOTH Worry me ! ( In fact both of  your Political parties worry the hell out of me  !!!)

Over the last three years, I find  myself becoming more and more fearful of the  pair of you, and between you, you are turning  this country into a place that I no longer feel  at home in, or feel a part of! I watch you in  parliament, and no, not just the two of you, but  every politician that I see, stand up in  parliament sneering at each other, and acting  like children !!! (..and if you were my  children, I would be ashamed of you all ... What  an example to set!)

Although you would  like us all to believe that you are putting the  needs of this country at the forefront, NEITHER  of you are doing that, you seem more interested  in "one-up-manship ", in scoring off each  other,  & denigrating each other, to  the detriment of this country & its people  !!!
It seems to be all about  YOU as individuals, and not about what you can  DO for this country !

It is fast becoming a  place that I do not recognize, as the place I  always thought, was the best place in the world  to be !!!
But no longer !!!

You  are not listening to the people of this country  !!!
And here in Great Britain , your   counterparts are afflicted with the same disease  - is it endemic in all politicians ?

I am  watching the deterioration of living standards  in this country, (and according to you, on a  world stage we are doing better than most  countries ... REALLY ???) ... And yet the gap is  widening between the "haves"  and the  "have-nots" .  I see our homeless on the  streets, our hospitals under-funded,  and  understaffed, our health system is an absolute  mess and a disgrace ... And yet I see  multi-millions of dollars being sent off shore,  in aid to other countries, before attending to  this country's needs !

I see the "selling  off of water rights to foreign interests,   WHY...?
Especially when you go  to great lengths to tell us that water is a  finite resource, & supposedly,  we must  ALL be careful with how we use it, so that we  ensure we have it for the future ?

A  Carbon Tax,( which you KNOW  is just  another tax )  which will make NO  appreciable difference, to carbon emissions, AT  ALL!
A tax,  which in spite of all  your arguments FOR it, you are doing alone, when  other major countries will NOT & DO NOT  embrace it, or believe in it   !
All that it will do for  this country is put working families and small  businesses behind the eight ball, .....what  planet are you on, if you think that your few  hundred pounds a year,  will make  even a scrap of difference to the effect of the  carbon tax on people ?Anyone can see the holes in  that argument !!! Do you really think we  are  that dumb ???

Let's talk about  Multiculturalism ......People have come here  from other countries, for a better life, for  more years than I have been alive  ( I am  63 years old !)  ......
Pre & Post war  immigrants came for a better life, and settled  in and became wonderful contributors to this  country, ... all have contributed to the rich  diversity of this country, and some descendants  have even fought FOR this country, and they have  become U.K.citizens and were glad to be  ..and they had NO handouts from our Government  either, ...they worked hard for  everything!
I have never before had a  problem with all, or any, race of  immigrants  coming here  ...
......However , I DO NOW  !!!
Please tell me why we have   areas in towns and on large estates all over the  country , where police do NOT,  & will  NOT go, for fear of their life ?

Please tell  me why we can no longer have religion in  schools, for fear of "OFFENDING" someone ? (The  latest little gem is that they are not having,  or being funded, for  "chaplains " any more  , but "Counsellors "?)

Please tell me why  religious Christmas observances are no longer  allowed in some schools for fear of OFFENDING  someone ?

Please tell me HOW Christmas  decorations in some stores might OFFEND someone  ?

Please tell me why we have to have  segregated days in some swimming centres, for  fear of "OFFENDING" someone ?

Please tell me  why we have some RADICAL clerics demanding  Sharia Law in this country ... when if we were  in THEIR country, this would NEVER be allowed  ?

Please tell me why our laws need to be  changed, so as not to OFFEND someone ?

Please  tell me why we are fast becoming a MINORITY  voice, in our own country, because of POLITICAL  CORRECTNESS ?

Please tell me WHY   Britains  cannot legally wear a face  covering bike helmet into a bank ..and yet it is  ok to wear a Burqa which covers the whole face  ?

And please tell me WHY, when those people  who want asylum here, can wreck our detention  centres,  and STILL be accepted here  ?

What does that say, about just  who and what are this government's priorities  ?

The British people that I speak to have  genuine concerns about becoming a second class  minority in our own country, and the reasons for  it,  are some of the above,  ..... Are  you so blind that you cannot see this  ?

And no , I am NOT racist !!!..(if I did  not like Catholics or Protestants would I be  considered racist ?) Of course not !
Why  is it, that if we object to what is happening in  our country ... we are immediately labelled  RACIST, in an attempt to shut us up ?

We  are fighting Radical Muslims, in Afghanistan   & Iraq , are we not ?I hear you say, yes but  the Muslims we have here are "Not like that " ..  well how would we know ? ...do we hear ANY of  them coming out & speaking AGAINST radicals  ??  I haven't ....have you ???

Islam  is not compatible with ANY of the values that we  hold here in Britain ! .....Are not the  experiences of  France , and the  Netherlands an example of that?   Why  do you think it would be any different here  ?  We even have a British born "radical ",  whose message is that Britain WILL become a  Muslim country, under Sharia Law, & that we  had "better get used to it "
Will both  of you grow some "Balls ", and start sticking up  for this country and its people ???

We  are the people who put you where you are, and  PAY you to look after our interests ! ... And  you are NOT doing that, by any stretch of the  imagination !!!

I would appreciate an  answer, from both of you, if only to convince me  that once again, I am not talking to a brick  wall !!!!!
In case it has escaped both of  you ...I would like to remind you that, in the  U.K. Government ... is FOR THE PEOPLE, OF THE  PEOPLE,  & BY THE PEOPLE ...
never  forget that......because you sure have up till  now  !!!

*Then again you could go fuck yourselves*

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H/T to The Boiling Frog